Help with my girlfriend.

[dylanchisman]

Me and my girlfriend have been going out with each other for nearly 4 years now. Regular story: starts brilliant, stays brilliant, gradually declines a bit, university, still a good relationship blah blah blah.

But summer holidays before she went to uni, she was texting this guy a lot and was protective over her phone (which she never was) who lives in our hometown she met at her best friends house party. She'd literally text this guy like 20-50 times a day or something and she'd take her phone with her WHEREVER she went. I know that so far this sounds like me being really paranoid, but allow me to explain... she lied about going on a holiday with some guys (she said it was girls only, and then two/three guys and three girls went) and she later apologised, declaring she never told me because i'd "kick off".

Previous to this incident, i'd never had any trust issues with her AT ALL in two years. However after this, I started taking note in things, and noticed her continuous texting with this guy that she knew I didn't like. Before she met this guy, she'd never even think twice about leaving her phone in the living room with me whilst she went to the toilet or something (not that i've ever checked it). Anyway!! One time she DID go to the toilet and left her phone on the bed next to me. Like 5 seconds after leaving the room, she rushed back in and asked where her phone was and started panicking asking if I had it. I didn't have the phone and I said, "it's right there on the bed, why?" and she was just like... oh no reason..... I was like................... :huh:

But after this whole holiday thing and texting the guy thing. I thought something was fishy, and asked if I could check something on her phone, to which she rashly replied with a deafening 'no!'. I asked why, and she said it was her phone and that she hasn't done anything wrong, without me actually accusing her of anything!

Anyway, eventually I managed to get her to stop texting/talking to this guy saying that even her best friends had been saying to me that my gf lied about having no signal and texting this guy whilst not texting me because of the signal. I basically said to her, I have no problem with her speaking/texting other guys etc. but that this was taking the piss, especially when she got jealous of me hanging around with one of my best friends (who's a girl).

Recently, she's been at uni, and she wore face paint, and you could tell she was really drunk from pictures. At the start of the night (she went as a panda) she had a black nose, but by the end of it, some of her nose, and dots around her mouth had vanished, but two of her frigid friends face-paint was fine, and her other slutty friend's facepaint was also smudged from kissing a remarkable 19 boys that night (I know right!!!).

Anyway, i'm not even sure I know what i'm asking here, but I just want other peoples views on this. We definitely love each other loads, and atm we lives about 130 miles apart but see each other every 2-3 weeks.

I don't know... deep down, I kind of know she wouldn't cheat on me because she's the most honest and kind person I know... but ever since she lied to me that first time, I kind of have minor doubts that i've never had in the past 4 years.

I mean i've turned down easy 9/10's on nights out telling them i've got a girlfriend. If i've wasted all those for my girlfriend to have only cheated on me, i'd jump from a building.

 

[Old English]

It definitely, definitely seems like she's blatantly hiding something. Putting all the elements in the equation together inclines me to think she's 'playing away'
4 years is a long time, but you seem to care too much to open your eyes and see exactly what she's doing - Cheating. Everything you've just explained points toward it, I suggest sitting her down and talking to her, predominantly in the manner that you're not going to lay down and have her wipe her heels on you whilst she goes around doing things that you don't like. Tell her to either let you look at her phone, or it's through, put her bang on the spot and get it all out of her before it goes on and on, then you're left feeling like a mug. By the way you pointed out that you've turned down 9's and 10's you're not a bad looking guy, so you'd have no problem kicking her to the curb and starting fresh. I know how easy a girl can pull the wool over a guys eyes, it's happened to me before. TL;DR Sort it before it hurts.

 

[dylanchisman]

Thanks for the reply. This stuff happened like a year ago now, and she did eventually let me see her phone and she did stop texting this guy and said that she's sorry. I've never really had that much trouble recently and we've been getting on rather well. I just don't want to believe she has/will cheat on me, because even the thought of it makes me sick. Don't get me wrong, i've been tempted to smash those 9's and 10's (not that i'm particularly good looking or anything, I just have the witty chat that girls seem to dig ) but i've just never wanted to ruin anything with my girlfriend. I mean... we both lost our virginity to each other at 16, and spent most of our time together in the first two years. It's just with the whole texting business and uni that has kind of ruined it a bit. She said she texted this guy cos she felt ignored because I spent a bit of time with this girl. But not to the extent she was making out (I also stopped as soon as she pointed it out, but she didn't do the same for me, it took like 2 months for her to stop speaking to this twat).

 

[pwnagex5]

You say you've been with this girl for 4 years. I think you're been with her for a VERY long time, most relationships don't last for more than a year, so you and this girl must obviously really love each other. BUT you're not always around her and you say you see eachother every 2-3 weeks and alot of stuff can happen in 3 weeks, idk whatelse to say, i mean im not expert but im just pointing out the obvious
I hope all goes well

 

[Aerith]

To be honest,
I'd get a hold of that phone somehow and check the texts =/
if find nothing then no reason to doubt her again, if find something then your better off breaking up.

 

[Hexium]

Break up with her...shes hiding something

 

[R2Pleasent]

You guys are obviously pretty young, and you have said that both of you have only been with each other. Although it is hard to admit, that is usually not a recipe for a successful longterm relationship. You both need to experience new things and new people. I'm sure she loves you, but at the same time, she is naturally curious about other people and other experiences. Do you really want to get married to the person you lost your virginity to, without ever being with someone else? How do you know you are going to be such a good fit when neither of you have been with other people?

Heading away to uni is a time where people are exposed to a lot of new experiences. She will be around others who are partying, having a good time, hooking up with new people, and she will certainly be inclined to have these experiences herself too. By holding onto this relationship, you are forcing her away from these experiences, and she will resent you for it in the end. I know it seems like the craziest thing to let the girl you have been dating for 4 years go, but at some point it's the only healthy answer. You can't hold someone back from doing what they want to do, it only causes more trouble in the end.

If you really love her, and actually see yourself marrying her one day, you need to do the hardest thing imaginable. Let her be free. Give her time to experience other people, go experience other people yourself. It is the mature thing to do. And realistically, 2-3 years down the line, you both should have a much better perspective on what you really want. If that is each other, your relationship will be infinitely stronger than before, and these immature cries for attention will go away.

 

[kill dank]

College is rough on relationships. I was in your exact situation just last year. I'm sad to say that it most likely happened, especially if you never see her. Don't get all accusative because of me though. You still have to look at both sides.

 

[AddictingArts]

To be honest,
I'd get a hold of that phone somehow and check the texts =/
if find nothing then no reason to doubt her again, if find something then your better off breaking up.

The LAST thing you want to do is invade her privacy. Just because you're together doesn't mean to have control over her life.

If you have ANY doubts, then it might be time to talk to her.

 

[Noam]

I know this sounds kinda horrible, but if it's a smartphone you can VNC in and see what this is all really about. Or just confron her about it, sit down, and talk to her. Or have a friend coax the truth out of her / the other guy.

 

[rathinator]

Reading this made my heart sink because it reminded me of what me of all the bullshit my ex girlfriend put me threw it sounds exactly the same, She used to call me paranoid but I had reasons too. My suspicions where correct.
To cut a long story short she cheated on me, But we are both young and I am well over it now but i was left heart broke for about 2month, Way over the girl now she is a slut now. Be careful tho mate because she is doing the exact same stuff what my ex was doing.

 

[Tuzla]

Are you familiar with the Steve Wilkos show?

 

[ilvtfu]

wow, your first? pretty serious relationship, + 4 years is a long time like other people have said. unfortunately, university is a real tough time on relationships (especially when one goes to party schools). one thing to keep in mind is that ppl do things that theyll regret, and eventually ask to be forgiven for. IF, and this is just hypothetical, i dont want to make any assumptions, IF she is cheating, if you guys really love each other, you guys will probably get over it when college is over.

also, thisll probably be tough to take, cuz guys dont want to picture their girl being with another guy, but if things get real bad and you really care about her, consider telling her that you would like a break, and make it an open relationship (instead of her telling you the exact same words) cuz this will make her be more open to you when you say "let's get back together". just my two cents, hope it helps in any way

 

[No Scammers!]

The guy may be 'chatting her up' and she doesnt want you to see it and to keep her consciounce clean its probably staying that way.