Need help

[iForru]

Imma get straight to the point. I'm 17 and a junior right now. I don't really have any "good" friends, like friends I could talk to about anything or someone I hang out with a lot. I haven't had anyone over or been to anyones house in over 2 years. The only person I like going out and going to places with is my cousin who is currently in college so he doesn't come around much anymore. I just spend my days inside playing Runescape or browsing reddit all day. Today I didn't even go outside. To top it off never had a girlfriend. Whenever I'm walking through the halls I feel like I'm getting judged and I get really nervous. I lick my lips a lot too. I always feel like they are getting dry. I live in the middle of nowhere so I don't have any neighbors (grown up here since 4th grade). Also I failed my driving test 3 times for my license and I haven't been back since July. I almost got T-boned doing the driving part of getting my license.

I don't know what I'm trying to get to but I feel like I'm antisocial. I want to be social but I don't know what to do about me getting so nervous when talking to people. I want to have a life but I don't enjoy going out with people unless it's with my cousin. I've never been to a party so I don't know what that's like. ugh I guess I just need help.

 

I had the same problem some time back, met some really nice people that I took the bus with everyday (changed schools), got to know them better and it boosted my confidence somewhat. I can still be very antisocial (for example I haven't been outside for 1 week lmao), but when the occasion arises I'm a very social and outgoing person.

TL;DR, just talk to people and you'll get less nervous over time.

 

[iForru]

I had the same problem some time back, met some really nice people that I took the bus with everyday (changed schools), got to know them better and it boosted my confidence somewhat. I can still be very antisocial (for example I haven't been outside for 1 week lmao), but when the occasion arises I'm a very social and outgoing person.

TL;DR, just talk to people and you'll get less nervous over time.

When you're in the situation you are then you have a little bit of a tough road ahead. You are going to be in a few awkward situations to start with, but you just have to tough through it. Bite the bullet and begin interacting with people, start conversations. Eventually it won't be awkward and you'll have some friends you can can be social with.

Thanks for the responses guys. I don't want to be the most popular guy I honestly just want a good friend, someone I can trust and hang out with instead of playing Runescape all week. I will take your advice and bite the bullet even though it may take some time for me to actually do this.

 

[Infamous GP]

If you go to University you'll meet a lot of people, and you'll be given the opportunity to befriend a lot of people you otherwise would not have never met. All you have to do is talk to them, if you're in a tutorial or lab session make an effort to speak to the person beside you. You should join a sports team, or any sort of club within your High School. You'll be nervous at first, it's granted, but once you start hanging out with people in the group you'll start to bond with them.

It's pretty simple, just talk to people. Even if you don't think you'll like them, make an effort to see whether you can get a conversation going with them. The chances of someone being really nasty and just flat out walking away from you, or telling you to leave them alone is quite low in my experience (I've never experienced this). Most people are polite and will do you the favour of engaging in the conversation, sometimes they're also anti-social and are unable to start up conversations themselves so when you initiate the conversation they respond happily and become more comfortable with you overtime, so much to the point that you'll both be comfortable with each others prescence and become good friends.

 

The whole dynamic of your life will change with time I promise. I was in your shoes grade 11. I had plenty of friends but not that real close relationship. I didn't have aspirations to be good at school. I started talking to a girl one day and it turned it all around I started not hating school and brought my marks up. I went to university and started connecting even better with friends from my past. Me and the girl broke up a few weeks ago after 4 years but I still have those friendships I made in university and the friendships that developed from just being happier with what I had.

 

[Proc]

Many people including myself have had the same problems and were in the same boat as you. As you get older you realize more and more that people don't judge you as harshly as you think (you're your own worst critic) and ones that do don't matter and only have as much influence over your life as you let them. Not living under constant pressure and anxiety really does make you feel a lot better, once you can get to that point. The way many people and way I overcame my fears and doubts was just through exposure. Put yourself outside your comfort zone; talk to people and make new friends, approach girls, pick up new hobbies, make yourself have more in your life besides games and the internet, and you will have more confidence and more life experience to relate with people and talk about. You have the most control over your life, outlook, and thoughts than anyone. You can't let fear or anxiety make your decisions and control your life.

 

[Lean]

Just make friends when you get to college after next year, or make friends at your current school. It's really not hard to start a simple conversation with someone, they're a person just like you, and everyone else.

Once you get to college you'll meet a lot of people with different perspectives, some likely like yours. You'll be fine man, just make friends. it's really not hard man.

 

Like what everyone else is suggesting, you just have to go out and try your best. You aren't going to socialize perfectly the first time, but with every encounter it will make it easier and easier. Having a family member that is also a good friend is awesome but you are missing out on so many other people. For now I would recommend that you try to find friends with similar interests to you and make baby steps towards becoming "good" friends. If that doesn't happen, it's ok. I have lost contact with all my highschool "good" friends since graduating but I have found new ones along the way.

 

[iForru]

Thanks to everyone for the replies, I'll try to spark a conversation with someone tomorrow. I'll report back on how it goes.

 

[DRSX]

When I moved to Canada I was 18 years old, I was alone, moved to a foreign country 9000 miles away from my home. The days were slow but I got into MMA and made a lot of friends there, my suggestion is get into sports and you'll meet people.

 

[iForru]

Yeah I didn't do it...Sorry for the bad news. Didn't have a good day at all, just ended up playin games and watching movies all class. I'll try to do it next week.

 

[Lean]

Yeah I didn't do it...Sorry for the bad news. Didn't have a good day at all, just ended up playin games and watching movies all class. I'll try to do it next week.

"next week" will never come when you have that type of outlook on life. You need to go and accomplish whatever it is that you want to do. Wasting time will do nothing for you. Everyone has bad days, even successful people. They don't just say "I had a bad day, i'm giving up". Get it done. Goodluck.

 

[iForru]

"next week" will never come when you have that type of outlook on life. You need to go and accomplish whatever it is that you want to do. Wasting time will do nothing for you. Everyone has bad days, even successful people. They don't just say "I had a bad day, i'm giving up". Get it done. Goodluck.

I meant on monday but yeah if anything good happens I'll report back.

 

So how did Monday and Tuesday go?

 

So how did Monday and Tuesday go?

Interested in this aswell!

 

[Insayn3]

When you get to the realization that the worst that people can say to you is "No" then things get easier.

It's not the end of the world (although it may feel that way) if someone doesn't want to hang out with you, or declines being your close friend. Everyone is different and has different friend bases because of that. Popular kids just have a wider expanse of interests (usually sacrificing making close personal ties for masses of acquaintances by having to "please everyone"). My girlfriend hates some of my friends, and I hate some of hers.

People don't necessarily need to gel nor do you need to gel with everyone to find a few good friends. Even if you fail making a friend 9/10 times, that one good friend more than makes up for the 9/10 failures. Fuck em anyways

 

[iForru]

Sorry for abandoning this thread, haven't been on the computer much as of recently.

It's getting better, I've started making conversation with people. As for with girls I haven't attempted to talk to any lol. Only talked to some when we had to work on a project.
More good news is that I'm graduating high school early, I only go till next January instead of all the way till June.

 

[iForru]

Don't know if this is a double post but more good news.

I've started talking with more confidence and it's really looking up for me. The awkward walking isn't 100% gone but it's not as bad.

I'll report back a week from now

 

[cbd33]

Keep it up man. Just keep conversing with your peers and you will eventually get there. For me, it really helped having a hobby (I play Magic: The Gathering) where you're forced to socialize and become friends with people. I've met some of the most interesting, genuine people I know through playing card games/role playing games and I don't think that's ever going to change. If you have a store near you, head down there and learn to play if it's something you're interested in, I think it'll surprise you and you'll make some friends too!

 

[iSlick]

Find somebody with interests such as you, you'll get along fairly decent. Maybe somebody who plays runescape, or any other game you do.