I feel useless with my life right now..

Hey guys, this is a bit nerve wracking for me because I'm opening myself to complete strangers but then again that's the best way to do it I guess right? Anyways...

I'm 18 years old, and graduated high school in June. I have a girlfriend of 9 months, and right now I'm in College getting my criminal justice degree to be a cop..

Here's my problem...Lately I've been feeling incredibly depressed. My girlfriend and I have been fighting a lot lately and I just feel like I'm not doing anything productive with my life. I don't have a job and it makes me feel awful because my girlfriend has one and I don't. I had a flow of incredibly steady and good income and then it just got cut off (Involved competitive gaming). I've been staying up till about 4 - 7 AM and just playing League of Legends to stop myself from thinking of how terrible I feel. I've been having somewhat suicidal thoughts and just don't feel positive about anything.

I tell my girlfriend I feel like she's not happy with me because I'm not doing much for her except being there emotionally. We don't see each other often maybe once or twice a week and she recently told me she wants to go to the army and she's seeing a recruiter on the 25th. She's like my main supporter and I don't want to lose her in a time like this but she says it'll be good because of the benefits when she gets out.

I've never really had thoughts of suicide and I haven't been close to killing myself but lately everything's hard. I just feel like a burden living with my parents. in a small apartment. When I was gaming competitively and making money everything was great but now that I don't have a job and am struggling to get one life has been really hard.

I want to be a cop, it's my dream. I just don't feel like I can accomplish it with the way things are going. I've been stuck in the situation for about 4 months now and I don't know how much longer I can take it. I want to feel like I'm being useful and not just sitting around playing video games all day.

Btw I've filled out exactly 102 job applications over the past 2 weeks doing it in between LoL matches and when I have down time, and haven't heard back from anything.

Like what should I do with my life. I just feel so useless. My girlfriend says I'm not and I'm trying my best but I just want to be able to help out my parents and start being better off...I hate having to see them struggle.

In high school I was a social butterfly, I felt like I had a purpose and knew exactly what I was doing with my life, liked to go out with friends and just have a good time....Now I just feel like nothing, don't even really want to communicate with people and don't like going out...I just feel useless.

Edit - Sorry for this post being all over the place...A bit hard to concentrate, I'll try and clean it up

 

I'm just going to recommend a book

Awaken the Giant Within - Tony Robins

 

Don't feel useless man. You're just being bored, you don't need a job to feel productive. Like you said, you want to be a cop. Why not hit the gym and feel productive. Will make you look better also it will help on the tests. You shouldn't put your feeling into a video game. I'm pretty sure socialising would help you alot. Go outside, hang out with some friends.

Filling in application form is not all you need to do to hear back from them. You should also call the firm and ask, to let them know you're interested and willing to work.

You won't lose your girlfriend don't worry. Having fights is normal in a relation. If you don't have fights, it would be abnormal. Lets just say the fights are the salt and pepper of the relationship. But i can't help you with the army thing. It's up to her.

Hope i could help you out. If you need anyone to talk I am available @ skype and PM.

 

The hardships of growing up. Realizing that things are no longer easy. Jobs are indeed hard to get if you don't have a good resume. You're going through depression. You aren't mentally healthy and I suggest going out to jog or even exercise. Take your mind off and occupy yourself. You have to be optimistic about the future. You wouldn't take your life for something everyone goes through.

 

I'd recommended calling the places you applied and let them know your wondering about your application. Most companies like when some one calls over and over because it shows they took the initiative and need the job. Also depending on where you live there might be a temp agency which will help you to find a temporar y job while your still in school. As for the boredom just. Find something more outdoors you will enjoy other then video games like hikes or walks. If you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to pm me your Skype. I'm a good listener

 

see doctor maybe your devloping depression or first try not playing league all day maybe try getting out and doing stuff and being social i have depression and thats what the doctor tells me to do and it seems to be working altho i still have depressioning moments you may have depression and you might need medication to help yourself pick yourself up aagain

 

keep your head up pm me if youd like

 

4 months of being stuck in that situation + 2 weeks of job applications is nothing to be concerned of chum. People struggle on like you have for years till they find something they're happy and passionate about.

Took me around 2 years to decide to get a job. Fortunately I got one instantly but the day that happens, you'll feel very much enlightened and I'm sure things will be much more smoother with your family and girlfriend.

Chin up holmes, don't stop trying.

There's no such thing as failure. Only early attempts at success - Guru Pitka (from "The Love Guru" )

 

i feel exactly the same