New (Non-emo) poem [Rate/Hate]

[Y0u_G0t_Pwn3d]

Love,
like rays of sunshine falling from the heavens.
Slowly my heart beats like a drum out of sync.
You eyes,
your eye are as the pale blue skys.
shall my heart fly, within your eyes.
Silent be your name,
i shall not speak.
Be not shy,
or shy away from your hearts feelings.
See nothing.
Feel everything.
Live forever.


Tell me what you think.....

 

[Macroman]

Its rather good, I think if you can write a second verse it would be much better.
The Rhyming isn't over done, and it flows nicely.
Well done.

 

[Chantecleer]

Nice could be longer and skies is spelled wrong

 

[The Fat Controller]

It's pretty clichéd, a lot of poems start with the word "love". The imagery is sort of standard too. It's not bad though, I'm not going to claim that I could do better

Surely you mean "your eyes", not "you eyes" and also, like the other guy said, it's "skies".

 

[Y0u_G0t_Pwn3d]

Its not my style, mine are dark.... I was trying to not sound emo in this one.... ill eventually write more to it..... but while your contemplating that then you can read this one i wrote a while back.

Do you hear my screams
in the silence of the night.
Does your mind play tricks
on your eyes.
Is the darkness too much for you?
Can you stand what your about to do?
Is my life worth wasting?
Can you taste the fear on the tip of
my tounge when i kiss you?
What do you have to say about
the lives you didnt save about the lies you always told
about the darkness no one knows?
The darkness deep within your soul.
The fire that burns in your eyes
that blinds me when i stare.


here another one too

GraveDigger
By: Me

One Shovel
Two Shovel
Three Shovels
Four.
The dirt falls upon the coffin door
Five Shovels
Six Shovels
Seven Shovels
And one more
No life is left in the rotting corpse anymore
Nine Shovels
Ten Shovels
Theres only one more shovel till i am six feet under.
The darkness has surrouned me and my mind and spirit begins to tumble.
I wake in a cold sweat this had been nothing but a dream.
But the darkness in the back of my mind still gleams.

 

[deadzone]

ehh as a written poem the first one is decent, although (I may be wrong) It isn't any type of poem I have seen (like the types with 3 words 4 words 4 words 3 words or w\e )but the first one is decent, the 2nd one It just don't sound right, sounds like your trying to do a nursery rhyme like the 1 potato 2 potato etc.

 

[Y0u_G0t_Pwn3d]

I do only free verse.... it pretty much limitless, to certain points....