My Poem Rate or Hate

[Y0u_G0t_Pwn3d]

:The Abyss Of A Dreamers Mindscape::

Dreams like
a broken heart,
no wings to fly,
No lips to sigh.
Sink, deep, deep, deep,
into thine soul.
No where but up left to go.
Like a fire,
like youthful days
leaving you wishing them away.
Speak not
your dreams
less they fly away.
left nothing, left nothing
to show.
The overextended
abyss wishing
away, with
only your dreams.
Rejoice withing
your choices
forcing forces
as you're dreams
as you've seen.
Glee be within
your dreams.
Slowly, slowly
your dreams
fade as does your days
and disappear
as your waus
change not,
lean upon
your dreams.
hold stedfast.​

 

[dam prayer noobs]

Kinda makes me want to cut myself, but good poem nonetheless.

 

[Y0u_G0t_Pwn3d]

Thank you....

It was a poem that i acutally wrote for class, A+ of course..

 

[Macroman]

Very well written, Nouns adverbs etc are used well, and its very descriptive and deep.

 

[Deluxe 247]

Real talk I stopped half way through, i just didn't feel a subject to it if you know what i mean. To me a poem has to have a meaning, something or a feeling the poet is trying to pull across to the reader and i did not feel that.

 

[Inventor]

Real talk I stopped half way through, i just didn't feel a subject to it if you know what i mean. To me a poem has to have a meaning, something or a feeling the poet is trying to pull across to the reader and i did not feel that.

Same. Never mention the word "Abyss" in a quality poem. I get a terribly emo vibe from this and it seems everything is cliche. That would be my reason for basically scimming it.

Listen to some ska,
Ethan

 

[an00bi3]

we have a real poem writer here in sythe! nice job

 

[Timothay]

I'm not a poem man, but you've outdone yourself.

 

[Y0u_G0t_Pwn3d]

Not a Ska man, punk, emo, alt, death metal.... just to name a few...

But the poem (what i wrote it for) is about dreams that fade and the dreams you keep. Sometimes you use them as a cruch of sorts and other times you use them to hold yourelf up when your down....

 

[Kris Halata]

gotta go with the rate. 10 my man. i like to write, but not nearly has clarical and intreguing as you. well done.

 

[XSafire]

yours is too depressing i guess. Maybe it isn't depressing but there is lots of words that make me depressed.

heres mine

one day
in the hood
I was sittin there
lookin good
then came a man
black of coarse
he tried to convince me
he was hung
like a
white man
he then tried to
accuse me of stealin
then my nutsax he began a feelin
I knocked him out
"no homo" I said
I then realized he was coughing up red
I ran to da store
pull up ma pants 8 times
but I just am tired
of making up rhyming words
Then some dude
got in ma face
I looked at him
and said
"What the problem is?"
I then noticed he had a bag full of fizz
I sniffed that stuff up
now im in the gutter sleepin
gotsa find a hobo so i can be takin his drinkin
I /fail at life
cuz I started slittin
then dippin
then I even tried anal masturbation
now I wuld like to end
with a thought of the day
"What was a white man doin in the hood anyway?"​

 

[juvenilepunk]

I think its really good man.
Great Job.

 

[Y0u_G0t_Pwn3d]

Thanks for the comments

 

[rs nechryeal]

i love me a good heartfelt poem. just wish i could write them as well as u do. in 1 word, amazing

 

[Y0u_G0t_Pwn3d]

Thanks..... I might turn my creativity into a profitable business.... lol

 

[THAT DAM KID]

Kinda makes me want to cut myself, but good poem nonetheless.

Not all poems are "emo" if anything this poem tells you to do what the last line says.

Hold stedfast

I liked it its hopeful and structured in a very unique way.

Congrats on your A+.

Here is mine

i am the light
i am the dark
i and the intense heat
burnign at the heart of time

i am death
i am life
im am that friend that
with you once died

alone feared
forgotten and afraid

releaved in the end

thats it
5 minuts

And since i know some one is going to complain i took it from my account on TPS. alias Activecamo.

 

[x poonage x]

It's alright, but not outstanding.

 

[Y0u_G0t_Pwn3d]

Always tried to be trendsetter.... or atleast annoy people with my unique-ness

 

[A_S_A]

But the poem (what i wrote it for) is about dreams that fade and the dreams you keep. Sometimes you use them as a cruch of sorts and other times you use them to hold yourelf up when your down....

Did not see that.

 

[Y0u_G0t_Pwn3d]

Shall i reference the lines refering to such?