Dill cats
Member
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2009
- Sythe Gold
- 0
- Messages
- 61
lol heres some real funny emails from an asshole lol enjoy. heres the link to some more dontevenreply.com
Original ad:
i am 17 years old and looking to buy my first car! if you have a good, cheap and reliable car for a student please let me know. thank you!
From Mike Anderson to ***********@*******.org
Hey there!
I saw your ad and have a great car for a young driver such as yourself. I am selling my beautiful 1992 Toyota Camry. This car is almost perfect. 148,342 miles on it. I need to go to Wawa tomorrow, so that mileage might change. I'm estimating it will be somewhere around 148,347 miles. If this is a problem, let me know and I will ride my bike to Wawa.
The car has a few MINOR problems but nothing too bad:
- The ashtray is stuck shut from when I accidentally spilled a beer on it. I think there is like $2 in change in there, so if you can open the ashtray, it's all yours.
- Due to a bad trip in Philly, I no longer have a radio. I run an old boom box through the cigarette lighter, however, and it sounds great. It is a 1986 Sony Cassette player. I'll throw in a Raffi cassette tape for an extra $10. The tape is Raffi in Concert with the Rise & Shine Band, and is an excellent album.
- The glovebox is locked and I lost the key to it, so it won't open. Unfortunately there was a tuna sandwich locked in there, and you can smell it in the car. It isn't that bad if you light some incense. I dropped a few sticks of incense between the seats, you can have them if you find em.
- The hood latch is broken and the hood will occasionally fly up and hit the windshield while driving. The windshield is currently cracked from the last time this happened, but the crack isn't that bad. In fact, it helps air out the stench of the tuna.
- Needs new front and rear brakes. The ones on there don't really stop, but if you give the emergency brake a good tug it should take care of everything.
- There is a hornets nest somewhere under the hood. I have no idea where. Occasionally a hornet will blow in through the air conditioning vent, but I will include a fly swatter above the visor.
- There is some blood on the passenger seat and all over the side of the door. If you are ever pulled over and the police ask about it, just tell them the previous owner hit a deer. Don't say who I am though.
- I bought the car from someone who replaced the original horn with a freight train horn. It is really loud and I don't recommend using it, I have caused several accidents with it.
Besides these problems, this is a great starter car for any young driver! I actually call it the "ladies mobile" because the chicks dig it.
I am asking $6000 for it, but am willing to negotiate.
Thanks,
Mike
From joey ******* to Me
hey thanks for the offer! $6000 sounds like a little much for that car. my dad only gave me a $4000 budget, would you be willing to take that?
From Mike Anderson to joey ********
Son, you obviously have no experience in buying vehicles. When I said I was willing to negotiate, I meant I was willing to take more money for the car if you wanted to give it to me. Minimum is $6,000. Talk to your dad, and he will tell you that this car is a once-in-a-lifetime deal. He'll be pissed if he saw that you passed this up.
Mike
From joey ******* to Me
What the hell is wrong with you? That car is a piece of shit! Stop e-mailing my son, you moron.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Original ad:
2007 Cadillac Escalade for sale - 38,000 miles. Great condition! Asking $40,000. E-mail if interested.
From Mike Partlow to **************@*********.org
Hey,
I have a proposition for you. I will give you $50 if you let me borrow your Escalade for tomorrow night. I have been trying to get a date with this girl, but the only way I was able to get her to go on a date with me was by telling her that I am a very rich and powerful drug dealer. The problem is, I am not a drug dealer, and I actually drive a 91 Honda Accord. She will know I am lying if I pick her up in that. The only chance I have of getting with this chick is if I roll up in your ballin Escalade. If you let me borrow it, on top of giving you $50, I will put a few gallons of gas in it. I promise we will not have sex on your seats.
Please help me out!
Mike
From James ******* to Me
Absolutely not. The car is not for rent!
From Mike Partlow to James ********
James,
I am willing to pay you up to $60 to borrow your Escalade. If you are worried about me messing it up, you can ride with me. In fact, you can drive it. I'll tell her you are my bodyguard. That would actually work out better, I think. Do you look like a bodyguard? You'd have to wear a suit, and possibly one of those earpieces with the coiled cord running down your neck. You should occasionally touch the earpiece to your ear, like you are listening to some badass security chatter. You shouldn't talk have to talk much, just drive and look badass.
Please reconsider my offer.
Mike
From James ******** to Me
No. That is stupid. Maybe you should try asking out a woman that isn't a materialistic gold digger.
From Mike Partlow to James *********
Golddigger or not, this girl's rack is phenominal. Tell you what, if you consider my offer and I end up getting laid, I will try to snap a picture of her tits with my cellphone and send it to you. Trust me, they are great.
Mike
From James ******** to Me
Shut up. You aren't borrowing my car.
From Mike Partlow to James *********
Well James, you are being a cockblocker. I hope next time you are trying to get your D wet, you get the shit cockblocked out of you.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Original ad:
I am looking for help moving on June 23rd into my new apartment. We will need to load everything from my old apartment into a truck, and then drive to my new place and unload it. I have a lot of furniture that is very heavy, as well as a big screen tv that is bulky. We will need to lift a lot of this stuff down three flights of stairs since it won't fit in my elevator. I will pay $25/hr.
From Mike Anderson to *********@**********.org
Good afternoon!
I saw your ad asking for help moving your furniture into your new apartment. I was wondering if you would be interested in hiring my son. I need him to have a job like this so he can feel better about himself. He has been paralyzed from the neck down for five years now. I always encourage him to do normal things like mow the lawn, take out the trash, etc. so he can still feel important even though he does not have the use of his arms or legs. This job would be a huge boost in his self-esteem and with a little help I am sure he can do it. Please consider him!
Mike
From ***********@hotmail.com to Me
Mike,
I'm sorry, but I don't think this job would be appropriate for your son. A lot of the stuff I need to move is very large and heavy. He sounds like a good kid, but I don't think he would be able to do this. Thanks for the offer, though.
Jerry
From Mike Anderson to ************@hotmail.com
Jerry,
I think you are underestimating my son. He can do anything he puts his mind to. I told him I got him a job and he was so excited. Do I really have to go and tell him that the guy changed his mind because he hates handicapped people?
Mike
From ***********@hotmail.com to Me
Oh man...
I don't hate handicapped people. I really just don't see how your son can help, no offense. How can he move anything with his arms and legs? You said he mows the lawn and takes out the trash, how is that even possible?
I apologize, but next time you shouldn't tell your son you got him a job before making sure it is ok with the employer.
Jerry
From Mike Anderson to ************@hotmail.com
Jerry,
Don't tell me how to raise my son. You don't see me telling you how to move your furniture, do you? You never even met my son, and already you are telling me what he can and can't do. He does a great job mowing the lawn. We tied the lawn mower to the back of his wheelchair and he drags it around. You'd be surprised how much torque that wheelchair has. It makes him feel normal again.
I don't have the heart to tell him that he won't be doing this job, so would you be able to come over here and tell him yourself that you hate him and will not hire him? It is the least you could do.
Mike
From ***********@hotmail.com to Me
You've got to be kidding me. This conversation is over.
Original ad:
i am 17 years old and looking to buy my first car! if you have a good, cheap and reliable car for a student please let me know. thank you!
From Mike Anderson to ***********@*******.org
Hey there!
I saw your ad and have a great car for a young driver such as yourself. I am selling my beautiful 1992 Toyota Camry. This car is almost perfect. 148,342 miles on it. I need to go to Wawa tomorrow, so that mileage might change. I'm estimating it will be somewhere around 148,347 miles. If this is a problem, let me know and I will ride my bike to Wawa.
The car has a few MINOR problems but nothing too bad:
- The ashtray is stuck shut from when I accidentally spilled a beer on it. I think there is like $2 in change in there, so if you can open the ashtray, it's all yours.
- Due to a bad trip in Philly, I no longer have a radio. I run an old boom box through the cigarette lighter, however, and it sounds great. It is a 1986 Sony Cassette player. I'll throw in a Raffi cassette tape for an extra $10. The tape is Raffi in Concert with the Rise & Shine Band, and is an excellent album.
- The glovebox is locked and I lost the key to it, so it won't open. Unfortunately there was a tuna sandwich locked in there, and you can smell it in the car. It isn't that bad if you light some incense. I dropped a few sticks of incense between the seats, you can have them if you find em.
- The hood latch is broken and the hood will occasionally fly up and hit the windshield while driving. The windshield is currently cracked from the last time this happened, but the crack isn't that bad. In fact, it helps air out the stench of the tuna.
- Needs new front and rear brakes. The ones on there don't really stop, but if you give the emergency brake a good tug it should take care of everything.
- There is a hornets nest somewhere under the hood. I have no idea where. Occasionally a hornet will blow in through the air conditioning vent, but I will include a fly swatter above the visor.
- There is some blood on the passenger seat and all over the side of the door. If you are ever pulled over and the police ask about it, just tell them the previous owner hit a deer. Don't say who I am though.
- I bought the car from someone who replaced the original horn with a freight train horn. It is really loud and I don't recommend using it, I have caused several accidents with it.
Besides these problems, this is a great starter car for any young driver! I actually call it the "ladies mobile" because the chicks dig it.
I am asking $6000 for it, but am willing to negotiate.
Thanks,
Mike
From joey ******* to Me
hey thanks for the offer! $6000 sounds like a little much for that car. my dad only gave me a $4000 budget, would you be willing to take that?
From Mike Anderson to joey ********
Son, you obviously have no experience in buying vehicles. When I said I was willing to negotiate, I meant I was willing to take more money for the car if you wanted to give it to me. Minimum is $6,000. Talk to your dad, and he will tell you that this car is a once-in-a-lifetime deal. He'll be pissed if he saw that you passed this up.
Mike
From joey ******* to Me
What the hell is wrong with you? That car is a piece of shit! Stop e-mailing my son, you moron.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Original ad:
2007 Cadillac Escalade for sale - 38,000 miles. Great condition! Asking $40,000. E-mail if interested.
From Mike Partlow to **************@*********.org
Hey,
I have a proposition for you. I will give you $50 if you let me borrow your Escalade for tomorrow night. I have been trying to get a date with this girl, but the only way I was able to get her to go on a date with me was by telling her that I am a very rich and powerful drug dealer. The problem is, I am not a drug dealer, and I actually drive a 91 Honda Accord. She will know I am lying if I pick her up in that. The only chance I have of getting with this chick is if I roll up in your ballin Escalade. If you let me borrow it, on top of giving you $50, I will put a few gallons of gas in it. I promise we will not have sex on your seats.
Please help me out!
Mike
From James ******* to Me
Absolutely not. The car is not for rent!
From Mike Partlow to James ********
James,
I am willing to pay you up to $60 to borrow your Escalade. If you are worried about me messing it up, you can ride with me. In fact, you can drive it. I'll tell her you are my bodyguard. That would actually work out better, I think. Do you look like a bodyguard? You'd have to wear a suit, and possibly one of those earpieces with the coiled cord running down your neck. You should occasionally touch the earpiece to your ear, like you are listening to some badass security chatter. You shouldn't talk have to talk much, just drive and look badass.
Please reconsider my offer.
Mike
From James ******** to Me
No. That is stupid. Maybe you should try asking out a woman that isn't a materialistic gold digger.
From Mike Partlow to James *********
Golddigger or not, this girl's rack is phenominal. Tell you what, if you consider my offer and I end up getting laid, I will try to snap a picture of her tits with my cellphone and send it to you. Trust me, they are great.
Mike
From James ******** to Me
Shut up. You aren't borrowing my car.
From Mike Partlow to James *********
Well James, you are being a cockblocker. I hope next time you are trying to get your D wet, you get the shit cockblocked out of you.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Original ad:
I am looking for help moving on June 23rd into my new apartment. We will need to load everything from my old apartment into a truck, and then drive to my new place and unload it. I have a lot of furniture that is very heavy, as well as a big screen tv that is bulky. We will need to lift a lot of this stuff down three flights of stairs since it won't fit in my elevator. I will pay $25/hr.
From Mike Anderson to *********@**********.org
Good afternoon!
I saw your ad asking for help moving your furniture into your new apartment. I was wondering if you would be interested in hiring my son. I need him to have a job like this so he can feel better about himself. He has been paralyzed from the neck down for five years now. I always encourage him to do normal things like mow the lawn, take out the trash, etc. so he can still feel important even though he does not have the use of his arms or legs. This job would be a huge boost in his self-esteem and with a little help I am sure he can do it. Please consider him!
Mike
From ***********@hotmail.com to Me
Mike,
I'm sorry, but I don't think this job would be appropriate for your son. A lot of the stuff I need to move is very large and heavy. He sounds like a good kid, but I don't think he would be able to do this. Thanks for the offer, though.
Jerry
From Mike Anderson to ************@hotmail.com
Jerry,
I think you are underestimating my son. He can do anything he puts his mind to. I told him I got him a job and he was so excited. Do I really have to go and tell him that the guy changed his mind because he hates handicapped people?
Mike
From ***********@hotmail.com to Me
Oh man...
I don't hate handicapped people. I really just don't see how your son can help, no offense. How can he move anything with his arms and legs? You said he mows the lawn and takes out the trash, how is that even possible?
I apologize, but next time you shouldn't tell your son you got him a job before making sure it is ok with the employer.
Jerry
From Mike Anderson to ************@hotmail.com
Jerry,
Don't tell me how to raise my son. You don't see me telling you how to move your furniture, do you? You never even met my son, and already you are telling me what he can and can't do. He does a great job mowing the lawn. We tied the lawn mower to the back of his wheelchair and he drags it around. You'd be surprised how much torque that wheelchair has. It makes him feel normal again.
I don't have the heart to tell him that he won't be doing this job, so would you be able to come over here and tell him yourself that you hate him and will not hire him? It is the least you could do.
Mike
From ***********@hotmail.com to Me
You've got to be kidding me. This conversation is over.
