Soooo many.
1. few years ago, I was out in this clubhouse i built in my back yard fucking my girlfriend okay? well I look stop and look at my phone and i got a text from my dad saying "hows it going james?" my names not James, he meant James Bond. I texted back acting stupid like i didn't know what he meant and needless to say we had a talk when i got in the house
2. I was 17 and i was smoking weed in my room. My mom doesn't approve of smoking so naturally if she found out, shed be pissed. It was like 1.30 AM and im sitting on the floor of my room watching King of the Hill and smoking weed. I remember particularly that i had just gotten a half ounce of some fire ass dank. that shit stunk so bad and i kept it in a jar. well I needed some nug obviously so i ended up opening up the jar in my house and literally filling up my room with the smell. i start smoking after a few minutes and I'm looking at the tv and all of a sudden i see my mom's reflection. I knew i was fucked so i just kept staring at the tv. shes standing at the door of my room and says "do you smell that skunk?" I go "no, what are you talking about?" trying to play dumb. keep in mind that at the time she walked in, I still had my grinder open on the floor, my jar sitting out, a lighter, and a pipe all on the floor next to me. She then goes "what are you doing?" naturally, I go "nothing" and she says "you wanna try that again??" so i thought for like a second and i go "Smokin' Pot." she walked away then came back crying and shit and we had a talk. in the end i didn't get in trouble though and she didnt take any of my weed.
3. I have a lot of awkward moments at work. one time, some old lady walked up behind me and i didn't see her right away. I went to turn around and i must have made her think she scared me because immediately she just bursts out laughing and puts her hand on my arm. her hand was all oily and warm. She starts apologizing for scaring me and stuff but ended up standing around for about 20 seconds in total with her hand on my arm. AS if that weren't awkward enough, 2 of my Coworkers were right next to me watching the whole thing and all i could do is make eye contact with them and show them a "what the fuck?" kind of face while the lady basically pissed herself laughing over nothing.
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