I dont understand

[Mister Slyther]

Hi guys,

I'm almost 19 years old. I had many ups and downs during my life so far, and that is completely normal, I do understand that. You cant always be happy, because there will always be times that u will have shit to deal with.

Anyhow, is it really normal to feel alone, even when u have friends and people? i always feel alone, quite often I do. Even when I go out with my friends, come back home, and then I start feeling alone again. Like I have nobody.

I dont understand why I feel like this.

My second issue is that I'm 19 in 18 days time from now, so far I have never celebrated my birthday with friends, only when I was young and that was 10 years ago. I've never been surprised on my birthday or had a surprise party, i'm always the one that goes to them and celebrate with the people.

I really do try to make these things not affect me, because there are more important things to worry about, but when my emotions are not stable, i cant seem to perform at my best physically and mentally. It feels like I'm lacking something and I don't know what is.

I also always had issues with girls, i've always been taken advantage off because I'm too nice with them. No I'm not that type of pussy guy who just sits there and doesn't do shit when he gets fucked with. I actually get angry quite easily and I tend to let my angerness out on whoever messed with me. I actually do fight when needed, but that's not the point.

My point is, why do I feel that I am not emotionally connected with anyone. It feels like no one really cares about me or values my existence. I don't understand at all. Please do take this seriously, and if anyone can relate, please let me know.

 

[Acquisition]

If you want to celebrate your birthday with friends do it, see who's available and hit up a pub or some clubs, whatever you want to do. In terms of friends I keep a tight circle personally, I only really have 5 real friends who I know extremely well and have history with. I hang with them on a daily basis in College and have been since high school. I believe it's better to have less friends, but tighter relationships with them. Some people have many "friends" but they aren't tight. You should maybe ask if any of your friends are keen on a trip of some sort, go away for a weekend and explore.

It could just be a mental thing though, there are plenty of people who have great lives, great friends and family yet they still fall into a pit of darkness. Depression effects a lot of people, if this is the case then you should talk to someone IRL that you know and let them know how you're feeling.

 

[iHateQuesting]

in all seriousness this sounds like low testosterone/ self esteem, maybe even a vitamin/hormone imbalance... see a doctor or change your lifestyle drastically and see if it improves.

 

[Saint Grimm]

I'm not sure if it's "normal" but I also have a hard time with feeling alone, even when I'm around other people... And after the few friends I had moved away and I went through a really tough break up, I became a hermit and haven't "hung out" with anyone in over a year... I'm working on changing that now, but I'm a little cautious about people... So I'd suggest you search for answers for this, possibly a therapist - The last thing you wanna do is make your social life like mine - It's not very fulfilling.

As for your second issue, I usually prefer to be alone on my birthday... Me and a big ol' bottle of booze... But that's just me... If you WANT people there, you'll need to tell them. I don't mean to sound harsh, but people aren't going to do things for you if you don't let them know you want them to (or so is my experience)

And lastly, girls take advantage of men far too easily... But being too nice with women is not a bad thing - Just learn to draw some lines... If she's wanting you to buy shit for her all the time, but not put in equal work, just let her know that you don't like that.


Hope something, if anything, I said can be of help.

 

[Mister Slyther]

Thank you guys, i have read all ur replies and I will do what I can.

 

I've gone through the exact same thing your describing and I know how it can feel. The best piece of advice I ever received was to just do things. You'll never know if you don't try. You didn't specify, but I'm sure you're more of a shy guy that doesn't like to go out and try new things? Well, that's exactly what I'm going to recommend you go out and do. Ever thought kayaking might be fun? Find a local club. Ever wanted to try hiking? Ask a couple friends to go on a hike with you. Try new things often and just go with the flow. You'll surely meet new people and have new exciting adventures. I feel like this will help fulfill that missing thing that you're feeling.

As for the feeling of being alone, again: try new things. That, or an alternative: being ok with feeling alone. I felt that exact same thing until sometime last year where I became ok with that feeling. I now prefer to be alone most times and I find that's when I'm most at peace with myself and in my life. But you're going to want to do some soul searching if that's the right option or not for you.

 

Im in the military. I'll throw in my two cents. Being alone has never bothered me, Yes i felt lonely sometimes but you have to remember all these things are mental. Don't let the loneliness stop you from what you want to do. i was always told; if i can't learn to enjoy my time by myself, how am i going to enjoy time with other people? Respect yourself and the time you have to yourself. so what if you don't celebrate with people? Will celebrating with others really give you the feeling you want? even if you go celebrate with friends that doesnt mean that you'll fill the emptiness. you need to find something to do that really interests you, and when people see it they'll slowly gather around you because they might have the same interest as you. learn to pick your friends. learn to associate with the correct people. don't let anyones words get to you. me being in the military i went through a few ass chewings. when all my superiors yell at me 1 at a time, think about how i feel afterwards then still having to answer to them like nothing happened. leave your feelings at the door. imo i feel like your friends arent really friends. There are two types of friends. long term and short term. Learn people's personality. Differentiate who is a long term who is a short term.

 

[Calllum]

in all seriousness this sounds like low testosterone/ self esteem, maybe even a vitamin/hormone imbalance... see a doctor or change your lifestyle drastically and see if it improves.

This. Try changing your lifestyle! Do things you enjoy and you will connect with people with similar interests.