Divorce.

Update: she wants to be separated, but she doesn't have the resources to move out. So she still wants to live together. I don't feel as if I need to be used like that.

 

Update: she wants to be separated, but she doesn't have the resources to move out. So she still wants to live together. I don't feel as if I need to be used like that.

You definitely don't wanna "get used" like that. Confront her, and ask her why/who shes cheating on you with.

 

Update: she wants to be separated, but she doesn't have the resources to move out. So she still wants to live together. I don't feel as if I need to be used like that.

Fuck that.

 

Update: Confronted her about her having an affair. She promises she's not and said I could look through her phone if I wanted.

I tried talking to her about what was going on and she just didn't have anything nice to say about me at all. Pointed out every little thing wrong with me, but then says she'll stay with me and not divorce me.

This is all just a mixture of emotions.

 

[StickTalk]

Moving forward starts with "I" not "You" its a valuable lesson to learn now and not later. She needs to take responsibility for what she can do in the relationship and what she has done and you both need to decide if moving forward is the best step.

 

I appreciate the words. I haven't really been able to do much so far as I'm on a 24 hour shift currently. She refuses to talk to me over text, she simply says "I don't want to talk."

I tend to get very anxious easily and instantly think the worst. My mind is telling me she might have someone talking in her ear, but I don't know if she'd actually do that to me.

My mind is just racing. I feel as if there's nothing I can do and she's made up her mind .

Yep I know the feeling man. Has there ever been any infidelity previously in the relationship or anything happen for you to automatically think the worse? Yall have to find some way to discuss what's going on. If she is wanting a divorce your going to have to talk about it anyways because the first thing a judge is going to schedule is marriage counseling. If she doesn't want to talk now just give her some space she'll come around. At the end of the day you can only do what you can and typically the more you push the more they pull away. When you stop pushing her she'll start pulling you just think about it.

What you both need to remember and this is coming from someone who was married at a young age myself, you need to commit to it or don't do it at all. It will have ups and downs no matter who you decide you want to spend your life with over the span of your lifetime, but at the same time they will always require work and effort both ways to actually work correctly.

Maybe she just needs space, and that's often why girls will say "I don't want to talk to you at the moment", If I could tell you the amount of times me and my wife have argued over the years, and that's over simple things such as what we're having for dinner and such.

As Stick said though, regardless try find some middle ground. If you cannot find the middle ground or compromise between the two of you then you're as good as dead weight both ends, me and my wife have been married for several years now and we was engaged at the age of 16, a few years later married. For us at least, sometimes it feels like we stay together for our children which is another commitment on top, but then other times like say one of us needs looking after you can genuinely tell how each other feel.

Sometimes arguments need a bit of breathing between them and then a good make up, as stupid as it sounds often sex is the answer. A lot of couples argue, in fact literally all, and you wouldn't be normal if you didn't argue. If you was to turn up there, assuming she would be fine with you making a move on her for example, going in for a kiss towards her (assuming she wont push you away) and then see where it goes from there, it could lead to some form of make up not even just sex but generally, and then builds the bridges to wanting to talk about what's going on with you, how you can fix it, how you can prevent it.

 

Dude get off RuneScape lmao

This forum isn't just Runescape, ignorance.

 

Update: She's agreed to going to marriage counselling, as much as she doesnt want to. She sat down with me, told me she still loved me, and that she always will. She told me she DOESN't want to leave, but she thinks its the best for her.

She's giving us two months, and marriage counselling, to work on our relationship, and then go from there.

 

Update: She's agreed to going to marriage counselling, as much as she doesnt want to. She sat down with me, told me she still loved me, and that she always will. She told me she DOESN't want to leave, but she thinks its the best for her.

She's giving us two months, and marriage counselling, to work on our relationship, and then go from there.

She is unstable af? Those «late night shifts» now «I still love you»
Anyway, good for you. If you wanna try and light some spark into it do stuff with her, take her out to eat, fun activities etc. Never stop doing what made her fall in love with u to begin with.

 

[BigTing]

She is unstable af? Those «late night shifts» now «I still love you»
Anyway, good for you. If you wanna try and light some spark into it do stuff with her, take her out to eat, fun activities etc. Never stop doing what made her fall in love with u to begin with.

Agreed with this.. but also just enjoy doing your own thing but in each others company. Dont feel like you always need to be pleasing her in some way.... it wont end well.

My misso and I often are in the same room, each doing different things and we just enjoy each others presence....You want to be able to "drop your guard".

Good luck homie.

 

[StickTalk]

Update: She's agreed to going to marriage counselling, as much as she doesnt want to. She sat down with me, told me she still loved me, and that she always will. She told me she DOESN't want to leave, but she thinks its the best for her.

She's giving us two months, and marriage counselling, to work on our relationship, and then go from there.

You cant put a timetable on it that's for sure. At the end of the day she is going to do whatever she wants to do no matter how much love and attention you show her. Id advise both of you aside from counseling ready a book call "the 5 love languages" maybe you guys need to get deeper into what you need from each other. Believe me coming from someone who's hearts been broken, beaten, abused, misconstrued time after time. Its best that you both invest time into yourselves as individuals and then invest time into the relationship that your trying to build and 2 months is not going to cut it.

 

[BoostingPros]

Figured I'd write here because this post made me a bit sad.

The first thing I wanted to say is for anyone on here saying "she's a cheat" or that "you should leave", or talking her down whatsoever; needs to pipe down. It is very clear that you love this girl and want to make things work. You clearly want the relationship enough to work through whatever issues might be. No one on here truly knows the dynamic of ya'lls relationship, so none of us really have room to judge on if you should stay or go.

From personal experience, when someone puts a time limit on repairing a relationship, there is a much deeper issue than just "I'm unhappy and want to leave". For women, they tend to emotionally detach long before they physically leave. This could be from stress, missing the spark in your relationship, constant arguing, infidelity, abusive situations, lack of sex/passion, etc. (Not saying that any of these apply to your relationship) She might be going through a depression as well. I, myself, when I am going through depression or a dark mental state, tend to push my loved ones away. Of course I can't say if it's the same thing she is experiencing, but it could just be a bad funk that really needs some therapy/counseling.

Also this:

Id advise both of you aside from counseling ready a book call "the 5 love languages"

I ABSOLUTELY recommend. There are a couple books out there (although one is very religious) that you and your partner read separately or together, and then each of you write in it at certain parts and it gives you little challenges each day to try to help you communicate better and try to rekindle a connection. One of the best things I did to heal myself during and after a shitty relationship was reading. Poetry, self help books, just general enjoyment. It really frees your mind and helps you think clearer.

At the end of the day; communicate with your wife that you two married each other for a reason. Remind her of those reasons. Don't try to be too overbearing about the situation either. If she agreed to counseling, that is a good start. If you try to force too much, it might cause more issues.
Personally, it seems like a cry for attention/change/affection. It's similar to things I've said/done in past relationships when my partner was making me feel lesser. I really hope it all works out for you. Keep your head up and keep on loving the best you can.
<3

 

You cant put a timetable on it that's for sure. At the end of the day she is going to do whatever she wants to do no matter how much love and attention you show her. Id advise both of you aside from counseling ready a book call "the 5 love languages" maybe you guys need to get deeper into what you need from each other. Believe me coming from someone who's hearts been broken, beaten, abused, misconstrued time after time. Its best that you both invest time into yourselves as individuals and then invest time into the relationship that your trying to build and 2 months is not going to cut it.

Agreed, 2 months of counseling is not going to change much.

Though, the "invest time into yourselves" part is important, it can be interpreted in many ways.

But there is still a chance because she agreed for trying counselling for 2 months. (If there would be no hope, she'd have said no)

I'd recommend OP to read "the rational male" and use those two months to improve himself, thus, reigniting that relationship.

 

Here's an update on our current situation:

She's been staying at her friends house most nights, or at least this is what I'm told by her. She will rarely stay our house. Yesterday, after not seeing her for quite some time, she came home. Somehow she ended up on my lap, and we were talking to each other face to face. We kissed each other and it sparked something. (I think). We sat there and held each other for some time, I tried to escape her grasp to see how she would react. (If she was hugging me only because I was hugging her). But she only held me tighter.

This lead to sex. Sounds great right? Maybe not so much. During, everything felt like it was falling back into place. After, she looked so upset with herself, she kept saying how it was a mistake and how she just "gave in". She left, she said she had to clear her mind. I left for the gym and came back, waited for her to come back. When she finally got home, things were back to how they were going, but maybe a little better? We ended up sleeping in the same bed, in the same household. She talked to me. Rarely, and sternly. But she actually talked. She let me give her affection, those she was unresponsive to it, but actually let it happen.

In my mind, something is telling her that she wants our relationship to work, but she's fighting it. The problem lies with this; I have to move in 30 days. Whether I'm going to get a place for 2 people, or a place for myself is beyond me. I still have no idea what's going on in her head.

She swears to me up and down that there has not been any infedility or interest in any other man, and to a point I think I believe her. She's been pretty good about being honest with me in the past .

It's all so confusing, and I'm stuck in limbo. I want to believe it's a cry for attention/change/acknowledgement, but I can't be sure .

 

@Rowley

You're moving out, nice. Get a place for yourself man because you deserve it.

 

Update: We've since then separated, I've been able to be myself, and life couldn't be better. My best friend moved in an we're roommates now. Weight off my chest.

 

[milt44]

It is strange. She claims to be unhappy with herself and needs to be independent to find happiness. It's all so confusing

Some people dont realize what they got till its gone. Fight for her as much as you can if you want to keep her but if she still wont budge then do yourself a favor and move on. I understand how important marriage is...but if she doesnt have the respect or awareness to sit down like an adult and talk to you about It then I say good riddance. Sometimes bridges gotta be burned.

 

[milt44]

Here's an update on our current situation:

She's been staying at her friends house most nights, or at least this is what I'm told by her. She will rarely stay our house. Yesterday, after not seeing her for quite some time, she came home. Somehow she ended up on my lap, and we were talking to each other face to face. We kissed each other and it sparked something. (I think). We sat there and held each other for some time, I tried to escape her grasp to see how she would react. (If she was hugging me only because I was hugging her). But she only held me tighter.

This lead to sex. Sounds great right? Maybe not so much. During, everything felt like it was falling back into place. After, she looked so upset with herself, she kept saying how it was a mistake and how she just "gave in". She left, she said she had to clear her mind. I left for the gym and came back, waited for her to come back. When she finally got home, things were back to how they were going, but maybe a little better? We ended up sleeping in the same bed, in the same household. She talked to me. Rarely, and sternly. But she actually talked. She let me give her affection, those she was unresponsive to it, but actually let it happen.

In my mind, something is telling her that she wants our relationship to work, but she's fighting it. The problem lies with this; I have to move in 30 days. Whether I'm going to get a place for 2 people, or a place for myself is beyond me. I still have no idea what's going on in her head.

She swears to me up and down that there has not been any infedility or interest in any other man, and to a point I think I believe her. She's been pretty good about being honest with me in the past .

It's all so confusing, and I'm stuck in limbo. I want to believe it's a cry for attention/change/acknowledgement, but I can't be sure .

sounds like she had a wake up call (or someone gave her one). Theres much worse situations out there than being with a nice guy willing to support you while you go to school

 

[StickTalk]

Update: she wants to be separated, but she doesn't have the resources to move out. So she still wants to live together. I don't feel as if I need to be used like that.

Don't allow yourself to be used and abused verbally or mentally by someone. Now it just seems in my opinion that she has no other options so she's going to stay with you. You should never be an option to someone you love or someone who loves you. Believe me your worth much more than a last resort.

 

[StickTalk]

Just read the update @Rowley just hang in there bud. There's someone out there for you that's going to treat you the way you want and need to be treated.