My girlfriend...

Ok, so, my girlfriend and I decided to have sex last night for the first time in her car... I didn't have a condom, but she has birthcontrol. So...this was my first time ever having sex. I have been in a lot of situations where I could of had sex, but for some reason, I get to worked up, and I can't maintain a constant errection. That happened somewhat last night, but I managed to do it... So, when we went to change positions, I went soft almost instantly! Idk why...I think it might just be mental with me being so nervous. So, after that we stopped...mainly because we both were super tired cuz it was 3am lol.. Believe it or not...I didn't cum last night...I almost did, but I controlled it (b4 switching positions). I am kinda worried right now though. She kept saying that the sex was going to be glorious, but it wasn't...I feel super disappointed right now that I couldn't perform...and now I am wondering if shes going to want to move on... We have been friends for 6 months, became close friends, and now have been dating for a month now. It sucks...I have never felt so close to a girl, and now that I had sex, I feel like shit... Im glad she texted me this morning atleast, just saying how tired she is, but for some reason, with me not performing well, i just don't know if she got turned off because of that.

This was pretty much a venting thing, but I dont know what you guys think about it...

 

I went through almost the same thing with my girlfriend. I had trouble sometimes because of my nerves and I just did the best to block them out. My girlfriend understood and didn't pressure me. That helped a lot and we talked about it. I suggest you talk about it with her. Make sure she understands and doesn't think its her(my girlfriend was afraid she didn't look good enough for me to perform well). FYI I'm still with my girlfriend and after about a month of struggling I started to just let it happen naturally. I didn't over think it like I did in the beginning and its all great right now. Going on 2 years with her and she was my first as well.

So moral of the story. Talk with her so she understands, don't over think it(sounds like what your doing), and just relax. Sex is something that should mean a lot to two people and that it should be natural. Don't put pressure on yourself to perform and she shouldn't put pressure on you.

 

I really appreciate your response. Im going to talk to her tonight and see whats up. I mean, we almost had sex a few weeks back, but the same thing happened, I over thought about it. Im happy she has only had sex once in her life, so its not like she is comparing and what not.. But, again, thank you.

 

Erectile disfunction is pretty rare for somebody your age as an actual disorder. What I mean by that, is that you should not have any reason to have serious, long-term erectile problems. ED can happen to any guy at any age, but you are very unlikely to have a consistent problem with it unless you are much older and your testosterone levels have dropped significantly.

Occasional bouts of ED happen to all men, at random times, and there is not much you can do about it except try to relax before you have sex, and also to identify things in your life that may be causing it.

Some causes of ED:

- Stress
- Fatigue
- Alcohol & drug use
- Feeling depressed
- Anxiety/nerves
- If there is anything major on your mind, leaving it hard for you to concentrate

The list is endless. More than likely you were just nervous as it was your first time, and you were worried about your performance, what your partner was going to think, etc. That is pretty normal for your first time and so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

The more comfortable you get with your partner, the less you will start to worry and that is key. When you are fully relaxed and not worried about all, that is when you will perform your best. In the mean time, try to stay calm & relaxed before and during sex. Also, talk to your partner about it and how it was embarrasing for you, and that it was likely caused because you were very nervous. Make sure she knows it wasn't because you were feeling unattracted to her (you would be surprised how many girls think that would be the cause).

Good luck man! If it keeps happening consistently (which it shouldn't), then go talk to your doctor about it. In like 90% of ED cases, it is a mind over matter issue, not an actual physical problem.

 

The main reason is nerves. Do you know why when you are young, you get an erection every morning? It's because when you sleep, your body slums into a deep relaxation. When you have no pressure and/or anxiety, your body will naturally oblige.

Stop putting so much pressure on yourself and/or try to talk to your partner. Open communication means that there will be no pressure on her part. Yes, it may be embarrassing at first, but would you like to have open communication (which is what a healthy relationship should have) or have her think "he doesn't think I'm pretty enough" or some other thought that is not the real reason.

 

Like the others have said already, you let your nerves get the best of you thinking about it too much which is expected, especially for your first time. It's a new experience and you aren't completely sure on what will happen, how it will feel, if you're doing good and so on.

The best thing you can do is let her know how nervous you were, eventually it will more naturally, you won't think about it as much and you will enjoy it that much more.

As for the not orgasming, it may have been for the best, although she is on birth control she can still get pregnant and if you don't get out in time there can be a scare until she gets her period or much longer if her birth control has messed up her hormones.

Be safe and ALWAYS use a condom and remember to enjoy it, best advice I can give.

 

Appreciate it guys! I talked to her last night about me being nervous, not knowing what I am doing, etc. She said everything is great, and she said she loved the sex. She said as long as shes with me, shes happy . So...ya, I just kinda was freaking out a bit. Too many thoughts were going through my head that whole time, and I didn't know if she was going to want to stay with me and what not! Thanks again guys! Alls good now

 

Good to hear. It's perfectly normal to be nervous when you try something new, it's human nature. Anyone who tells you any different is most likely lying to themselves.

It'll get easier over time, don't think you have to be a porn-star on your first date, feel me?

Seems like you have a new set of problems chained around your ankle now, though. She sounds like she might really like you!

 

Haha, not a problem at all . First girl I actually truly liked and want to be with for however long it takes us. I've dated a lot, and its hard to find a girl like this.

 

I'm glad you feel better about all of this. As others have said, it isn't something to worry yourself about.

I'm a girl, so this might be a bit awkward coming from me, but my best friend talks to me about his issues like this sometimes.

You'll get more comfortable with her, and you'll still get excited and aroused.. but since you've already passed the difficult stage with her things will seem to just function better (yes I mean that in both ways). I'm happy you were able to actually talk to her about it, it shows you're not only comfortable with her but she's comfortable with you. That's a great sign!

I wish you the best of luck in your relationship.