Think I'm Depressed

[LongswordAndLongboardin]

Hey, haven't been on the forum for a while since I no longer play RS but I needed a place for advice.

Lately (months) I've been feeling depressed. Sometimes I can't fall asleep until 6 AM and sometimes I'll sleep for ~12 hours. I can't concentrate in school (when it was happening) and found that easy subjects were getting much more difficult. I feel like I have no direction in life at all and no purpose, like I'm not doing anything with my life at all, I'm entering Grade 11 in September. I don't really have any interests besides playing Xbox occasionally or watching TV. Like that's what bothers me the most, I have no passion for anything. Sometimes I'll go on an eating binge and eat a shitload of junk food. I'm really short-tempered and it seems like everyone can piss me off way easier than before, nearly every time I talk to my dad it ends up in an argument. I feel like my life is absolutely pointless and not worth living. I think I'd rather not exist than be alive.

I'm not suicidal, I'd never take my own life, I just feel like if I had the option, I wish I'd not exist.

Thing is, I can't tell my parents because I my dad's an absolute asshole and I try not to talk to him ever and my mom won't think I'm depressed because I joke around with my family a lot and seem like a pretty happy kid in general, but when I'm not busy I get more depressed than they'd ever imagine. So I try to hang out with people all the time or always have something to do but I think that makes it worse when I'm alone later.

I'm thinking of self-medicating with marijuana, something that really helps with insomnia and my melancholy but at the moment I don't have a job and can't afford it.

I think I need to see a professional and get therapy/meds but I don't know how I'd go about this. My parents would never believe me if I told them I'm depressed.

These depression feelings only really happen when I think, like if I'm doing something and can't think to myself I'm fine. Which is why cannabis helps so much, because I can just smoke a bowl when I'm down or can't sleep and it medicates me immediately.

What should I do? Sorry if this seems long, I needed to get all that out. Thanks.
-Trevor

 

[Lilly]

I'll be the asshole and say it, you're entering grade 11, on a nurses side, i would said a big part of this is puberty. Your body is going through a lot of different things (maybe not physical) but emotional, in college we had a study and 85% of students between grade 10-11 have the most emotional instability, hence your short temper.

The depression feeds from your temper which is a result from not having the motivation to do anything, which is a must.

You must have something to occupy the free time in your mind, not only you, everyone must. When you don't you start thinking about the worst possible things that have happened to you.

Form a routine for yourself. Even if you don't do anything when you're with friends, hangout with them to waste time, play Xbox and make friends online. Not just Xbox. RuneScape, WoW, League of Legends, etc. Whatever you most enjoy. If you don't want to fill it with video games fill it with a social aspect. Go out with friends, join a basketball team, baseball, whatever. Invest your time in doing something aside from doing nothing.

Also, your sleeping schedule is a big part of it. Studies have been proven that lack of sleep provokes anxiety and depression. If you're having a hard trouble sleeping at night it is because you haven't had enough physical activity for the day which you need to use. If you get a right sleeping schedule you'll notice a huge difference in your life.

Don't go self medicating yourself because you're going to make it worse.

 

[Mr Immortality]

I know how you're feeling man, and you're not alone.

I'd say just try to do something positive. Keep yourself busy and keep your mind occupied so that it won't happen.

Keep your friends close, and don't be afraid to talk to someone.

 

[Annex]

I'll be the asshole and say it, you're entering grade 11, on a nurses side, i would said a big part of this is puberty. Your body is going through a lot of different things (maybe not physical) but emotional, in college we had a study and 85% of students between grade 10-11 have the most emotional instability, hence your short temper.

The depression feeds from your temper which is a result from not having the motivation to do anything, which is a must.

You must have something to occupy the free time in your mind, not only you, everyone must. When you don't you start thinking about the worst possible things that have happened to you.

Form a routine for yourself. Even if you don't do anything when you're with friends, hangout with them to waste time, play Xbox and make friends online. Not just Xbox. RuneScape, WoW, League of Legends, etc. Whatever you most enjoy. If you don't want to fill it with video games fill it with a social aspect. Go out with friends, join a basketball team, baseball, whatever. Invest your time in doing something aside from doing nothing.

Also, your sleeping schedule is a big part of it. Studies have been proven that lack of sleep provokes anxiety and depression. If you're having a hard trouble sleeping at night it is because you haven't had enough physical activity for the day which you need to use. If you get a right sleeping schedule you'll notice a huge difference in your life.

Don't go self medicating yourself because you're going to make it worse.

Absolutely agree, puberty makes you think and do fucked up shit. I had puberty at 15 and you do all kinds of weird shit that looking back is fucked up but meh. As far as smoking pot bad idea when you are depressed, it might not be a bad trip but you will have one if you are constantly depressed and it will fuck you up pretty bad when depressed.

 

[jaysaurous]

yeah i would not smoke weed when your not in your right mindset, that's from someone who smokes it. when you wake up try some exercises, and eat more healthy, you will be surprised at how much this actually works.

 

[StevenDoomed]

Smoking weed will only add to the problem, When you are high the depression feelings will clear of your mind, but in the long term it will lead to even worse anxiety and depression. Stick to what lilly said, its only a phase, try to occupy yourself as much as possible.

Also even if you think your dad will be an asshole if you talk to him, im sure he will understand the state your going through and try help you get through it as any father would do.

Hope this helps.

 

[Zerkerfist]

Self medicating when you are depressed is never a good idea. It won't be long before you get used to self medicating, and associate drugs & alcohol with making yourself feel better. That will only lead you to a serious dependency or an addiction and make things in your life much worse than they already are.

It sounds like you might benefit from being able to talk to somebody about how you are feeling. It sounds like you are concerned that your family won't take you that seriously because you are normally upbeat and like to joke around, but sometimes the people that appear the happiest are actually the ones that are the deepest in trouble with depression & suicidal thoughts. If you think you need to see a professional, I think that is a great place to start! If you don't know where to go and don't trust your parents to organize somebody for you to see, try starting at your school and speaking with a school counselor. They are there for this very reason, and can help you while keeping your problems confidential. You've got nothing to lose by trying.

I think another thing that might help you is to try exploring some new hobbies and interests, or try something new that might help you feel satisfied and fulfilled - like getting a part time job. You need some sort of excitement and inspiration in your life otherwise your existence will always feel dry and empty. Try volunteering somewhere or signing up for a new sport or class, or doing something out of your comfort zone or that you might not normally do. You just might find something that you love and will help pull you out of your funk

 

[LongswordAndLongboardin]

Thanks a lot guys, I got out, volunteered today and went outside and it was a lot better. I still feel like I have no purpose or direction but I'm going to try to keep entertained/busy with goals this summer until school starts. I'm also not going to smoke marijuana to fight depression. I'll let you know how things go as time goes on.

 

[Annex]

Thanks a lot guys, I got out, volunteered today and went outside and it was a lot better. I still feel like I have no purpose or direction but I'm going to try to keep entertained/busy with goals this summer until school starts. I'm also not going to smoke marijuana to fight depression. I'll let you know how things go as time goes on.

IDK where you are in ontario if you are in canada, but I live in NW ontario and its boring as fuck here, lots of people feel like you do as a teenager here.

 

[BatMan]

Just know im the same i cant tell anything to my parents..my dad is an asshole sometimes...my mom just dosent understand ...i been taking abilify since my doctor gave me them and been hospitilized like 8times..ill recommend to stay away from feeling depressed

 

[Acubs]

Dang man. Depression isn't a joke, even if some people think it is. I know what it's like to just want to sleep and not do anything else. You gotta find something you're passionate about. Make a lisy of all the things going for you, and everything you have to live for. Just wondering, do you have girl problems? A lot of the people I know who are depressed are like that because of lack of companionship.