Suicidal friend

[MegaMatt]

I realise posting this on Sythe won't really help the real situation as there isn't really any ways it could.. but maybe talking through it will make me feel better..
Basically someone I'm really close to tried to kill themselves like 2 months ago, I called 911 for them and yeah they're still here. She promised me she'd talk to me before trying anything again, but she must've forotten as she told me on friday she tried it again recently without telling anyone >_< now I'm scared shitless I'm going to wake up one day and she'll just be gone.. without even saying goodbye or anything. She knows how upset she has me and she tells me she "doubts" she's going to try anything again anytime soon.. but that doesn't give me a lot of reassurance. Even with Shawn_, a Sythe member who commited suicide over a year ago, someone who I often didn't even see eye to eye with, or talked to frequently, I still think about him almost every day. She thinks that if she killed herself everyone would just forget about her after a while.. but I know that isn't the case. Her death would haunt me forever.. I'd never be the same. I wouldn't be surprised if it made me suicidal myself. She has a lot of issues that she can only work out by herself.. and that makes me feel helpless. I'm doing the best I can to see her regularly despite her living about an hour away, so I can make sure she's still breathing.. but the fear of her just doing it out of nowhere is really haunting me, and I just don't know what to do.

Anyway, if you read this far, I appreciate it.

 

[TahBreezy]

First things first. You are a great friend for trying to help her out, always remember that! Talk to your friend, tell her suicide should never be an option. I can see you care about her alot. You should probably tell her that you care about her, and she means something to you. Tell her how you feel. Try contacting her friends and family as well if you think that can help. Her pain will fade away, but she won't be able to come back. A 'problem' should not be solved by 'death'. Tell me if you need anything else, or if there is any other problem.

 

[slickkz]

Try showing her with friends and family or things that would be different in the world without her, Make her feel like she is needed in the world, and has a purpose, and if she leaves this world how many will truly hurt.

 

[Pokerking88]

She thinks that if she killed herself everyone would just forget about her after a while.. but I know that isn't the case.
Is there any way you can make her think that this is not the case?

 

Hey Matt, I really appreciate how much you love your friend. First thing you should do is get help, inform her family and friends. Tell her how much her family and friends will be devastated if she actually went through with her plan. Tell her the consequences of suicide. Also, tell her about the positive things in life and why she shouldn't let that all go to waste. I really recommend seeking professional help if the problem persists. I hope the best for your friend Matt. PM me if you wish to talk more.

EDIT: By the way, tell her that if she thinks that her friends and family will eventually forget about her, shes wrong.

EDIT: 1-800-784-2433 - Toll-Free suicide hotline number. I'm not sure if you find this useful, feel free to use it though.

 

[Persia_Ugly]

as Wulfspade1 stated, you should remind her of her family and friends. But do so in a way where she identifies them herself. Take it slowly and carefully asking her "do you think anyone would miss you?" "are you sure?" "arent you forgetting about someone?" "wouldnt they all miss you dearly?" try not to overwhelm and give alot of time for responses, think about what she says back and not about what im suggesting you say to her.
Have her identify the people she cares about and that care about her, remind her of her boyfriends her family and you. Tell her in your own words what you told us and how devastated you would be if she left this world, now ask her to imagine how devastated her own mother or father would be. Tell her it will have a ripple effect of devastation.(grandparents no future kids etc) Dont stop her tears they need to come out especially when talking about the situations.
Don't tell her you might become suicidal as you stated earlier you want all guilt off her conscience and want her to come to a rational decision herself.
You will prompt her into thinking about her supports and come to a rational decision herself hopefully. Your doing a great job by just being there for her to vent otherwise she would be gone. Lot's to touch base on and say but I can offer that advice for now, pm me post or request my msn if you want to discuss more with me.

 

[MegaMatt]

Thanks for the posts guys, part of the problem is I've told her all of this stuff already.. She also recently went through a bad time with her parents but they've made up, kinda. Her parents know about the one incident where I saved her, but right now I'm the only person (besides her ex-roomate who she doesn't really care about anymore) who knows about the most recent incident. I'm afraid to exploit her privacy about it but at the same time I know her life is a little more important. I think I'm going to visit her parents sometime and try to get them to help somehow..

She thinks that if she killed herself everyone would just forget about her after a while.. but I know that isn't the case.
Is there any way you can make her think that this is not the case?

I've got "more than friends" feelings for her I guess you could say.. she knows this, but she also just recently got out of a hard breakup that spawned a lot of her suicidal tendencies.. If she were to be with me I do think she might lose those tendancies, but I don't really want to push her.. But she does know about my feelings, so I hope someday she might come to me about them.

 

[TahBreezy]

If you have more than friend feelings for her, you should remind her about them. Tell her that if she does anything it will have a negative impact on you.

 

[Dave.]

Have you tried spending time with her? invited her over, just chilling or going out to maybe keep her mind off of the reasons why she wants to do those things.

I understand you may be interested in her, just give her that good hey how you doing on msn, facebook or text keep her engaged talk about something you know shes interested in, stay up late talking to her.

recently had one of my best girl mates get into this wanting to cut herself and wanted to die and i would stay up till 3am with her everynight just talking, keeping her company letting her know somebody cares, eh i was late to school once in awhile but it was worth it im now going out with her lol and we've been together for 15 months so far and it's so nice to see her happy lol :')

and edit number 3 - take things slow when i asked her out i had waited about 5 months in the first month that we was going out she was really shy and but you could tell that she was happy and after 2 months of us going out she was herself again happy now she can't get enough of me lol

Going out for walks around a local park/ golf course is always a good thing to do if the weather is okay bonuses if theres benches

 

[Painted Rain]

I think that there is a new approach you can take. This advice that the above posters have said is all good, except as you stated yourself, you've already tried it and it doesn't work on her.

I suggest the following in the light of these serious matters:

- Give her a reason for HER to live. Give her a goal, a vision of something that she will strive to live for. Unfortunately, people might not do it for others, but if she has a reason to keep going and fight another day, then she'll change - I guarantee it.

It's hard for me to help you out specifically as I don't know all the details. If you want to chat on MSN, and over the phone, I'd be more than willing to at least talk to you about it if you want an unbiased listener/opinion.

I'm truly sorry to hear about this situation, and if you need anything let me know!

 

[malakadang]

The first thing I would do is while offering her support at her house, call a suicide hotline together. Make sure she gets that support which she needs.

Then spend a few days with her, I don't know your situation with regards to work/study but if you could find a few consecutive days you may very well alter her state of mind.
What does she like doing?

Try do these things while your with her eg. If she likes tennis go and play some tennis together, you get the gist. Hopefully this will enable her to laugh, and laughing plays a crucial role in rehabilitation. Also under NO circumstance make her get angry/mad this will do a great deal of harm to her mentally.

It's a tough situation your in considering your an hour away, just crash with her for a weekend or something, if she's close with her parents or other friends the call them and let them know of the situation. In depression cases I'd think people would rather more than less support.

Good Luck, remember over the phone is virtually useless, you need to be with her face to face in order to make a real difference.

 

[a.itradings]

Ive only just had very very bad news last week about something personal. Right now, I have my final year Uni exams in 27 days, which i know nothing about. I'm depressed and cant seem to revise or get my mind of things. My loss/situation is a bit similar to what you are going through right now.

While everyone has given you some great advice, i think this is something you should definitely consider:

- Give her a reason for HER to live. Give her a goal, a vision of something that she will strive to live for. Unfortunately, people might not do it for others, but if she has a reason to keep going and fight another day, then she'll change - I guarantee it.

You need to make her feel like she is wanted. Give her motivation or give her a goal to strive for. You will really need to think on this yourself before you speak to her. You need to be passionate about what you're saying to her. I would suggest you don't say this in a manner where it makes you look like you're saying it just for the sake of it. Back it up with examples.

For example, if i tell my girlfriend she is really special and she replies back she isn't. I would give her examples of things she does that i feel make her special.

Furthermore, although this sounds a little selfish, you should tell her what you will do if she goes and does something we all don't want her to. I mean in the sense that it will be a great loss for you. You won't ever be able to get over it. What implications it will have on not just you, but her family etc. (You get my drift, something you personally feel strongly). If you bring it a bit of a personal thing like your own feelings into it, she will feel inclined to not do it for YOU, even if it is only a tiny bit.

With regards to her parents. You definitely need to contact them as soon as you can. She needs to feel as though she doesn't just have you and her flatmate, but other people too. If you do decide to speak to her parents, you need to speak to them in such a manner that you're not being too transparent but are still letting them know enough so that they will help as much as they can. While I understand that they know already the situation, you should persuade them to do better than what they are doing now. At the end of the day, her parents might have an argument with her but they are still her parents. A relationship an individual has with their parents is like none other. You always have them by your side, make sure her parents are letting her know. Make sure they arn't just being nice, they are REALLLY making her feel like they are their and that she is special to them.


Also - You should encourage/make her feel busy all the time so it takes her mind off the stressful stuff which is making her feel the way she currently is. She should spend as much time as she can with her friends, family and you. You should get in contact with her flatmate and maybe coordinate looking after her or things to do with her. That way you will feel less pressured too.

Problems like these make an individual stronger and better prepared for anything in the future. One day, she will be a very strong person if she gets through this. Just make sure you are there to support her even if she doesn't accept you as anything more than a very good friend.

Ha, feel like an idiot writing this. But suppose gives me something to do when i feel shit.

If you need to talk, pm me, i will give you my msn.

 

[MegaMatt]

Just to clear up some things that I didn't cover in my original post, she isn't just some girl I have a crush on and know some things about. I visit her literally whenever I can afford taking the bus up or when she can drive me. I spend A LOT of time with her, typically I'll spend 2 or 3 days with her at a time, once a week if possible. My struggle is giving her a reason to live. Her entire world is collapsing right now, she's pretty much at the end of her money and she needs to find a job, I literally just learned on Friday that her conflict with her parents was just resolved, or maybe mended temporarily. They apparently hated eachother for certain reasons, and I'm not sure if these reasons have been resolved as much as they have been forgotten.

 

[tiger9110]

I know how you feel as I've had the same issue with my friend who texted me one day telling me he just took the pills to end his life. I felt so helpless as he was hours away from me. He survived amazingly but only because I called 911 as soon as I read the text.
Keep doing what you are doing in trying to make her know that you care about her and there are so many reasons to keep living. I really hope you can get through to her.

 

[slickkz]

Just wondering, When you are with her, Do you talk about the things she makes want to kill herself? If so, Try to take her out to see a funny movie, Or something fun where you both can laugh and have a good time to get her mind off of all the negative in life and show her there is some positive in life, You just have to strive for it, And to never give up.

 

[MegaMatt]

Just wondering, When you are with her, Do you talk about the things she makes want to kill herself? If so, Try to take her out to see a funny movie, Or something fun where you both can laugh and have a good time to get her mind off of all the negative in life and show her there is some positive in life, You just have to strive for it, And to never give up.

Yeah we do talk it out, although she won't tell me what pushed her to try most recently, if there is a specific reason. She doesn't act depressed 24/7, she is capable of living a normal life (besides the important things she tends to avoid), we do normal things that would be considered enjoyable. If you were to meet her, you'd have no idea she had any problems

 

[malakadang]

What does/did she like doing?

 

[MegaMatt]

Honestly she doesn't really have many evident hobbies. When I'm with her we'll usually just talk, smoke pot, look at stuff on the internet, or watch TV/movies. She loves horseback riding but I don't think she has gone riding since she moved away for college (which she is no longer attending) last September, but I don't really talk to her about it so I don't know. She also says she likes writing, but can apparently can never finish anything.

 

[malakadang]

Try take her horse riding as a surprise? Try and find something she really enjoys doing from what you've said that seems a bit hard, but try and be creative.

Also, if you do like her in a boyfriend/girlfriend way then a possible last resort remedy to your situation is to tell her that.

Seems like your in a tough situation, another question I guess is what does she do? Like a 24 hour day; how is it occupied?

 

[MegaMatt]

I really like the idea of taking her riding as a surprise actually. I've got no idea how I'd go about doing it though, I think she'd usually go to a certain barn to do it but I have no clue what/where it is, if it costs anything, pretty much everything. I think she'd be just as surprised and happy if I were to ask her to take me and show me the ropes, thanks for the idea.

As for a 24 hour period, she doesn't really have anything she's committed to and does regularly (besides job hunting I'm hoping, but I've never really been with her for that), so to my knowledge, pretty much everything I said before.