Stuck in a long, complicated relationship

[Riolu]

What the title says. So Here goes.

This was also a long-distance relationship... And was a online relationship that got so close to IRL but things had gotten complicated in the near end. Before we begin, I'd like to point out we met when I was 14 and she was 19. We didn't start getting into relationship stuff till I was at legal age which is 17 for my State and when she was 22. I'm 19 now and she's 24 now. It all started back in Pre-Eoc in late 2010. I was minding my own business on World 87 on Runescape. It was that moment, I teleported to lumbridge and met 3 girls hanging out. One of them (oh by the way for the safety of me and them, no display names are being put in.) invited me to join them and we chatted for a bit. I had to go for the night but I added two of them before heading off. The next few days I was busy playing stealing creation and doing other random things around runescape, but I had noticed those few days I was being encouraged by one of those girls to join them at world 4 (which was f2p back then) at lumbridge. That was where I started to began to know them better and to the point I hung out there everyday with them. They were so joyful and really nice. At the end of 2011, however, all of the group but the girl that was in this long, complicated relationship was remaining. We both learned that we both liked to Roleplay. We liked Pokemon a lot and both of our favorite Pokemon were the same as well as we both played runescape too... And do stuff together on Runescape. So that was like the best moments I've ever had. It was until September 1, 2012.

That fateful day. I had no choice but to be forced to quit Runescape due to me getting sent to a therapeutic boarding school. She sent me her skype to keep in touch shortly after the news came that I had to leave so we could be in touch. But the only days I would be in touch for the next year and half would be on skype but she was really happy whenever I was free. I kept thinking about her and how she's doing while I was going through this process of my life. However it got complicated for me. I felt suicidal because of the boarding school... I did leave that place for good but then...

March 14, 2014 came. I was home for good. I was really happy to know she had never gave up on me. After I was released we both had skype voice calls, video calls for a while. Then there was another complication. The complicated part was, she was in a relationship while I was locked up. Her then BF and I used to argue a lot and eventually it kinda got bad enough, it blew out in a few ways. She left that BF because he broke her heart by arguing with me, I actually had my anger blew up enough I expressed how much I wanted to die. I actually lost trust from her family as soon as all of this happened and she was scolded for it which caused her to cease interactions a tiny bit. And all of this happened within a month after I got discharged from the boarding school. However, she never gave up on me after that however, She told me she has always been thinking about me after that has happened and kept playing RS with me. By October 2014, she had a few problems which made her quit RS forever. There was too much drama going on (none of it was my fault she said) and her laptop heated up more often than it did. Since then she gave me her Facebook. But only popped up on RS once or twice between October 2014 and today. She has spoken to me recently on FB however. She told me she wishes there was hope for both of us but didn't know how it will be possible.

Here's where my GF and I were struggling to figure out. We had a few puzzles to put together. How would I gain trust from her family when I'm like a thousand miles away, How can I redeem myself, What will convince her to be able to get back on RS again, Is there anything I or she can do to help out, How complicated would meeting up be since I'm in USA and she's in Canada, etc. Now a few notes before I request for help on these areas is, she has a protective family and whenever she tries to convince her family or w/e we come up with she's really reluctant to do so. Her mom actually blocked me on FB the day after the argument with me and her Ex got out of hand. I have sent her a message on a different FB account way later, I was not blocked by her and she had easily seen the message, but I wasn't told anything. I had tried everything I could've thought of that could've helped out but I'm about to lose hope again. We both didn't want to break up but it IS this complicated. So I would like to know if there's any ideas/suggestions both of us or I can try to resolve all of this. Thanks for reading and hopefully can be helpful. Any questions I may be able to answer are welcome too. I just honestly don't know if there's any other option and I don't wanna see this go to waste since we both invested over 5 years together.

 

[Riolu]

Bump. Does anyone have any suggestions or is everyone just not have a answer to what I'm facing currently?

 

[Drayy]

Long distance relationships are a very, very tough thing to conquer and this, in a way reminds me of a similar situation a friend of mine was in. My answers to help will be limited, so maybe you can take these suggestions and put them in your own way.

Being far away is in no way for the faint of heart, sure it's all hearts and giggles at first, then the love and non-physical connection starts to drift filling you with doubt or thoughts on if you should give up.

• It's perfectly normal if you are feeling that way because it is frustrating to deal with.

A hard truth to learn is money will be important. Some relationships end on a sad note because the inability to truly see your SO and understand that Skype, text messages, or even FaceTime is great also but it doesn't beat actually seeing the person.

• Money, obligations, and positivity will play a huge part in determining how things can play out.

Accept all that uncertainty or doubt and tackle it with activity. Spend time with your family or friends, pick up a new hobby because you never know what potential you can have hidden.

• Also going out to places you have never been to before can open a perspective, you may even build additional friends to your list.

Personal growth, mutual commitment and great communication go a long way, even during tough times such as this, just make sure you aren't spamming one another because that may sound obsessive. Keep on keeping on my friend distance is an overwhelming to handle, but with mutual will, love is worth the risk. In the words of Lionel Richie, "Just remember love will find a way."

I will post more if I ever find more to help and on a side note about your suicidal thoughts, I've been there so don't be afraid to reach out for help if you still feel that way, I lost many friends because of suicide and it becomes unsettling when I hear others going through it.

 

[Sun]

It's hard to let go sometimes. Reading through this, I was thinking maybe you're so attached because she was the happy thing you thought about when there was nothing happy around you. When you were away, her conversations were still there. She was still there for you. So it's understandable why you feel this way.

Hear me when I say this: things like this hardly work out. I had a LDR boyfriend for many years, and we eventually just realized it could never work so we went our separate ways. I still talk to him occasionally if I see him in passing but no hurt feelings anymore.

You will always move on. I recommend you try to focus on yourself and perhaps find a girl near you. It's usually better that way, and there are loads of people around you that have less drama and are easier to be with.

If you love the girl, by all means, try. But like I said, things like this hardly work out. You've already invested over five years time in something that has shown no substantial results IRL, so why spend more time unless you're certain there's a possibility?

Long does not necessarily mean worth it. I'm in the most rewarding relationship of my life and we've only been together for eight months. I've dated multiple people for 2-3 years each and those times are nothing in comparison to the guy I'm dating now.

Complicated is also a red flag in my book. I personally don't see it as worth it because I know there is better and easier out there, but that's just me.

 

[OrangeCounty]

Long distance relationships are tough man, no doubt- it is possible to maintain the connection but not without physical contact. You guys have to see each other at least a few times a year or it's destined to fail. You can't do it indefinitely and expect it to work; eventually someone needs to move.