Getting over a relationship.

So I recently got out of a long distance relationship.

I'll start with how we met and when things got serious, finally I'll explain how things ended.

So, like I said, this was a long distance relationship.
One day, I was at college, and for some reason me and a few friends decided to go on omegle behind one laptop during class, after a while we eventually stumbled into a class from norway doing the same thing. We ended up talking for a bit and after everyone got sent back to their seats by the teacher I was left behind my laptop talking to this girl. we ended up hitting it off and having similar opinions and such. One thing that was remarkable is that we shared the same day of birth, all be it a different year, she was two years younger, 16 at the time.

I ended up adding her on skype and from there things kicked off. Long nights of skyping, endless talking, flirting late at night and things continued on from there. After about a year of talking to eachother online, she eventually came to visit me in amsterdam, she stayed at mine for four nights and things grew from there.

Lets keep it serious though. She declared her love for me when she was in amsterdam and I wasnt sure how to respond to it, I clearly had feelings for this girl but being the fuck that i was i told i saw her more as a friend. Not a nice thing to say after you just spent four nights together. so, she was upset, i felt like a cunt and explained that I didn't mean what I said. things were okay and she returned home.

We kept talking and things were a little weird at first but I knew she loved me, and it felt great. I still wasnt sure of my feelings towards her at this point and felt like I should break it off because I didnt want to hurt her.

A couple of months later I ended up visiting her in Germany and we stayed together in an apartment for about a week. I ended up meeting her family and had an absolute blast even though it was freezing outside, but honestly, there is no better feeling then walking through snow and freezing cold winds and having a girl that loves you cling to you for warmth.

At this point I started to feel more and more for her, it was only until I left germany and was back in amsterdam that I realised I loved this girl. I felt like an idiot for not realising it sooner and being able to tell it to her face to face when i was in germany. Regardless, the night I got back in amsterdam, I called her up and told her I loved her. And the smile on her face, I remember it still, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. From then on she was stuck in my mind.

Fast forward a few months, I visit her in norway, where the other side of her family lives. She introduces me to her friends and we stay comfortably at her house for about two weeks. During my stay in norway is the first time where some real friction starts, she gets mad at me for not doing some of the things she asked me to do while she went to school. Alright, I can be irresponsible, and very forgetfull. I apologise in sincerity and genuinely feel bad for not doing what she asked and we move on.

A few days after that were uneasy, she was still pissed at me and me being the pampered man child that I was stumbled and fumbled into doing these day to day chores that I didnt have to do in the past. I might exaggerate a little bit here, but honestly, I won't deny that I was a lazy, forgetful sloth like being at the time.

so anyway, things return to normal after I start taking some responsibility for myself and start behaving more like an adult and the last few days are great, just watching TV series, cooking, lying in bed together. I return to Amsterdam and feel great about the time I spent in norway.

Fucking norway man, honestly, if you haven't been there before, get your ass over there, its beautiful.

Spoiler: Norway

So yeah, I'm getting carried away in reminiscence at the moment, thinking of the good times.
Anyway, I return home, fast forwarding a few months she comes to amsterdam again, this is the last time I'll see her, we enjoy ourselves but don't really do anything significant, it was a long stay, (18 days) and I didn't really prepare any activities, we did some things but most of the time we were at home or just in the city.

So she leaves on a good note and returns to germany, things are all good, until they aren't, contact becomes less and less and conversations become one sided, I try to get her on skype but she claims to be too busy, now, she was very busy, i won't go into detail but I know she had alot going on. So I tolerate it, until at one point I start feeling neglected, I confront her on her behaviour and get called paranoid. At that point I didn't know how to respond, I felt like I wasn't being unreasonable, asking to skype once or twice per week. It was at this point that I decided that if she wanted to talk to me, she'd send me a message, the past week had been me always initiating conversation, which isn't a great feeling. So I left it alone for a while.

Commence the worst 3 days of my life.
Day 1, I go to the gym, work out my frustrations, hang out with friends, and only worry slightly, my friends tell me it'll be fine.
Day 2, I start to worry, we usually speak quite frequently, why wouldn't she send a message yet?
Day 3, At this point im preparing for the worst, in desperation I call up an old friend and talk about whats going on, he assures me it could be nothing to worry about.
Day 4, I'm tired of this game, I send her a message saying we need to talk about whats going on, she agrees and says the words that made me feel like the most worthless man on earth: "we need to talk about our relationship"

its now the evening of day 4, and we talk on skype, I ask her if she wants to go first, airing her mind and say whats up. She refuses and wants me to go first, so I do.

I can tell already that something is wrong, the whole feel of the setting is unfamiliar.

I can't really bring myself to go into the details of the conversation, emotions ran wild for me.

She ended up breaking up with me, she no longer felt the way she did for me. Her love, was no more.

We didn't have any plans to move in together, it wasn't something we had our eyes on, she wanted to continue studying and I was actually quite comfortable with the relationship being the way it was.

Now here comes the cliche of long distance. It only works if you have something to work towards together. even then, its difficult.

So there it is, my first break up, I'm now 21, and have had One girlfriend, for three years I spoke to the same girl. It had its ups and downs, and I don't regret the time we spent together.

Its only been about a week since it happened, I still love her, she still appears in my dreams, I still cry, but I'm starting to realise that this was never going to last, there were no mistakes made, I didn't say the wrong things, things simply came to an end.

The process of writing down is one I would recommend to anyone struggling with a break up. You don't have to share your story with the world, I didn't share the complete story in the one I wrote above, there are some things that I want to keep to myself. But it are these memories that are what you end up with, it wasn't wasted time. I couldn't have hoped for a better first girlfriend.

She'll always have a special place in my heart.

 

I know this sounds really cheesy and lame but if you have never seen the movie 500 days of summer I recommend it. life comes with its ups and its downs, life likes to throw you around and beat you up in general but it made you a better person your experience with let's just call her summer for now helped you progress and helped you become a better person, I know as of now things are shit but one day summer will end and you'll find autumn, summer may always hold a place in your heart but who knows autumn may give you everything summer did and more autumn might be everything you were ever looking for someone who you can sit at home in your underwear with non shaved and still when you see her you see the most beautiful girl you have ever seen I know this seems cheesy as hell and it is but that's what love is it's a bunch of cheese. Never give up and always keep moving forward it's rough but you can do it you have endless limitations and never stop yourself from believing that. Autumn will come when you are ready don't worry.

 

First and foremost, sorry about your situation man. I went through a rough break up in college that really shook me up at the time so I can relate, I ended up spending 3 years with a girl I had met my freshman year (who a couple of years in I thought would be the girl I marry) before it turned shitty. This kind of thing happens frequently and you will be alright.

My best advice is do what you can to take your mind off the relationship and the girl. Someone invites you out to a party? Go to it. Someone wants to chill with you? Go hang out with them. Someone wants to take a trip? Go with them, etc. Be a yes man for a while. Keeping yourself busy helps more than you know. You're already doing a good job by trying to be out and doing things, the worst thing you can do when dealing with a bad breakup is be alone with your thoughts. You'll question everything about the relationship and blame yourself for things that ultimately probably weren't even your fault.

This sounds pretty cliché and I hate the expression, but time really does make everything better and "heals all wounds." Hang out around good company for the next month or two and before you know it this will be a distant thought. You'll be happy with yourself and you'll find someone better. Best of luck.

 

Its been 22 days. Why is it everytime I lie in bed I have to think of her. I can't get her out of my mind.

 

It seems so hard right now because it's so soon.

Make sure you go no contact with her, no texts, no calls, no communicating inadvertently through mutual friends AND social media. Don't creep her social media no matter how hard you want to find out about her life and how she is doing. You can be friends with her later but right now you need to heal and if she's a good person she will understand you cutting contact at a later stage.

You don't have to see her everyday so take some comfort in this atleast. The fact she's not with you right now location wise is the best thing.

I'm so sorry and I know that it just takes time and no matter what I or other people will say will change your mind. Unfortunately with relationships logic doesn't come into play and tbh you'll wake up one day and just not want her anymore and you will feel relief and happiness again. Whether that's in a month or 6 months, it will happen.

Try to keep occupied and keep ur head up. Deal with it however you usually deal with hurt/stress and just relax and take care of yourself. Ur mental health is priority and breakups ARE temporary pain. The stories about how you love the one that got away your entire life are fiction or greatly exaggerated in how "deep" this love is.

You can do this if you need someone to talk to that is completely unrelated to your real life then pm me at any time and I not judge in any way, shape, or form. Sometimes talkin to a random is the best cure for things you can't out loud to people you know.

 

I was in a 3 year LDR (2 years high school, 3 years LDR (college)) and often it just becomes a reflection of how both parties can handle it. Some girls need affection, even if you don't realize it people are different.

It's not the end of the world, it took me a good 6 months to get over the girl and another year to put myself back out there after I had secured financials and my future. You have to realize there's billions of people out there, you will find someone who synchronizes better who you can actually be with everyday and thats what matters.

Hang out with your friends, go drinking if it helps (moderation), give it time and you will repair. First time stings the worse but after that you just realize that there is more then just the relationship you might have believed to be true love.

And never get back with your ex - if there was any problems it'll just resurface later, I didn't learn that till later on.

 

I feel you. My last relationship ended like this. I can recall thinking about her everyday for more than half a year. Both were very strong relationships that shouldn't have ended the way they did. The best advice I can give you for getting over it..



Seriously. There's nothing much you can do. I, too, cried a lot, wrote a lot, and thought a lot. A lot of people will say to try and not think about it. But personally I don't believe you should do that. If she's on your mind, then think about her. Let time pass. I also said the "she will always have a special place in my heart" and "she was the best I could've asked for". Honestly, that will mostly stay true, but the fervor of that feeling and your other emotions will die down. I still talk to her every so often; there will always be a sense of having special value to each other, but there the sense of the past being the past will settle in.

 

Hope you feel better everyday dude .

 

Thanks for all the support guys, its heartwarming. Things are going much better now.

I've started socializing with other girls again and its nice to know that there are girls that actually want attention from me.

Beyond that I don't think I want to jump into another relationship just yet. I don't really feel sad when thinking about my ex now though. I think I'll use this time to focus on my own life.

Sulk-fase is over. (I think)

 

Beautiful read - here's to a better day ahead of us!

 

How are you feeling now mate? I read this and felt so happy for you until the end. PM when you need to talk man its good to talk to strangers sometimes..

 

My girlfriend just recently broke up with me a couple months ago.

Honestly the best thing to do is just let it be. Don't call her, don't text her. There is no need to worry about it. If she's the one for you then it'll happen. Whether its this month or 10 years down the rode.

Being friends with a girl after a break up is actually really toxic for your relationship if you plan on staying friends or trying to pick it up in the future.

Time heals all wounds.

If you really still want her in 5 maybe 6 months. Take it from there. You need time to heal and to gather your thoughts on what you really want and is best for both of you.

Don't sit around moping around the great times you had. Focus on what you didn't like and if you're willing to get past those things then maybe she is the one for you.

We have a whole life time to do what we want to do with. Do what you want to do with who you want to do it with and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

The above is solid advice trust me man. One thing I'd add is that keeping busy in different areas of your life will develop you as a person in ways you may not imagine.

By that I do not mean pretend to be someone else, and I'm not implying you're not good enough. What I do mean is that you'll become a valuable person to others. From what you have said it seems you already are, and keeping yourself busy for not just the motive of keeping your mind off things will only enhance things in a positive way.

I respect a lot you go to the gym. As you do I'm sure you're aware of the 'natural high' you get from it. I climbed out of a low point in my life just over 6 months ago and going to the gym and becoming healthier than I have been in years really did wonders for me.

I know it's cliche to say, but "you're still young". - It's true and holds a lot of meaning though. It really is hard to listen to other people's relationship stories when coming out of one yourself as your mind may say things like "it was different for me/ different with this girl".

Try not to over think things in this stage, just focus on enjoying yourself and trying new things as well as possibly returning to old hobbies and social activities you may have stopped some time ago.

Keep strong man, we're with you through this one

 

Well I read the whole thing before I saw it was from September. Fuck it, I want to reply anyways. And I wont share my whole story cause its so damn long and pathetic. So anywho when I was younger I had a relationship for quite some time. Mine was different we were in the same village and saw each other almost every day. Buuuuut it was for a long time (about three years) And its been maybe almost another three since then and I haven't yet had a day where she hasn't crossed my mind, Because of that I haven't dated since. If there was any advice I have for you It would be that even though its now been months if you're anything like me she is still stuck in your head, I've spent years trying to forget her and you might not be able to. I don't have some sort of magical fix for the end of the story, there probably isn't one. This just may be your life now, But if you need someone to reflect on and ask things to I'm always around. Feel free to pm me or skype me, Wouldn't mind having someone that might understand it all as well.

 

I remember reading this a while ago and thought to myself " God if my gf breaks up with me its gonna fucking hurt a lot" and so it happened. About 3 weeks ago my gf broke up with me and i am not quite sure to the real reason why. She said it was because I don't try hard anymore but i think it was because she wanted closure with her ex who was moving away to BC.

Either way the first week was hell for me. Stopped eating, stopped working and stopped exercising couldn't focus on shit and could barely sleep, when i did i had nightmares. Luckily i was about to fly home for a month to see my family and it has helped a ton. She's also back home with her family in Russia for a month. I am now going through what you went too and it is slowly getting better and better.

I still talk to her rn a litle bit and i don't know what's going to happen. I know for sure she's gonna come back to me one day crying but i don't know if ill be able to take her back.

Either way man i hope you forgot about her already and hoping i do soon as well.

 

I believe that when you fall in love with someone you will always love them no matter what. But that doesn't mean you won't get over them. They had a special place in your heart and it is going to hurt. Alot.

I went through the exact same thing two years ago and I'm still going through it today.

The one thing I'm gonna advise you to do is meditate.

When you get hit by the waves of emotion I want you to go into a place without sound where you can be yourself. Close your eyes. And focus on your breathing. Thoughts will come in and out but I want you to focus on your breathing and everything will pass.

Good luck.

 

hope your doing ok mate, time will heal all wounds.

 

Oh, I'm doing great now man, she actually contacted me around a month ago basically apologizing for how she ended things, wanting to tell me how she had changed and such. Talked with her for a bit but we're not getting back together. I feel much more emotionally independant now.

 

Great to hear. You're a great guy, im sure youre already talking to other girls or will be soon.

 

You never stop loving your first true love you just learn how to deal with it over time..