Second Try at Rap

Discussion in 'Music' started by Oh Bama, Feb 24, 2009.

Second Try at Rap
  1. Unread #1 - Feb 24, 2009 at 9:53 PM
  2. Oh Bama
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    Second Try at Rap

    Subject Fight

    Its my time
    Its my day
    First high school fight
    Whats going through his mind
    Whats going through mine
    I don't know what to do
    I don't know what to say
    Everything is in slow-motion
    Butterflies in my stomach
    Tears in my eyes
    He raised his fist at me
    I didn't know what to do
    So I raised my fist and I hit him first
    Right in the nose
    Blood started dripping
    Blood started pooring
    I think I broke his nose
    I think I one the fight
    That was my day
    And this is my time

    Comments?
     
  3. Unread #2 - Feb 26, 2009 at 11:53 AM
  4. raange pur3
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    Second Try at Rap

    weak... lol sorry, doesnt even rhyme most of the time
     
  5. Unread #3 - Feb 26, 2009 at 2:07 PM
  6. mike_w_99
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    Second Try at Rap

    Umm. More like poetry, not rap. :D
     
  7. Unread #4 - Mar 1, 2009 at 10:21 AM
  8. Ko Man
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    Second Try at Rap

    I don't see it as a rap looks more like poetry , pretty short, make it longer and with more rhyme/flow.
     
  9. Unread #5 - Mar 2, 2009 at 12:31 PM
  10. 1stDiv Winger
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    Second Try at Rap

    WHAT THE FUCK.... Kidding... You need to work on it more, and put some rhymes in there. Oh and you spelled won wrong.
     
  11. Unread #6 - Mar 2, 2009 at 3:48 PM
  12. J a K e Y
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    Second Try at Rap

    Its actually pretty good. Think of a beat you could rap it too.
     
  13. Unread #7 - Mar 3, 2009 at 2:48 AM
  14. Rawr Ricky
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    Second Try at Rap

    I think it is pretty good. You should change this

    Switch "Its my time" around with "Its my day". I just did freestyle with these lyrics and swapping these around makes it sound better in my opinion.

    Edit: Oh, also I find it better ending with the main subject of rap lyrics that you started with. So at the end I find it better with "My first high schooll fight".
     
  15. Unread #8 - Mar 3, 2009 at 4:39 AM
  16. spunjungle
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    Second Try at Rap

    alright... but it does not sound like a rap at all... weak sorry
     
  17. Unread #9 - Mar 4, 2009 at 12:56 PM
  18. bensino
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    Second Try at Rap

    I think i one the fight? Was that supposed to be some sort of play on words, or did you actually write one instead of won?
     
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