Being tied up... getting all my toes and fingers cut off by someone and then covering the wounds by tightly wrapping some dirty rags so I don't die through blood loss... this would happen in Florida so I'll have my face eaten off, one of my eyes gouged off... having my genitals cut off (either the stick or the stones... maybe both). The guy promptly lights my stubby self on fire for a while, but keeps me alive.
TO TOP IT ALL OFF. He feeds me broccoli and onions - I hate broccoli and onions. There is a gun right next to the buffet of broccoli and onions - I take it and I kill myself.
But I don't succeed. I'm still alive.
I'm forced to eat Wendy's chili containing one of my fingers. He won't tell me which finger, which kills me inside because I don't like not knowing that type of stuff. What if it's my middle finger? We've had some good times... but cannot forget the index finger as well. When you get them both together... well that's rated PG 13. I like Wendy's chili, though.
Then, he pushes me into a deep pool with some fat piranhas... I'm forced to outswim these chubby dubbies but I'm not so good at swimming, especially since I'm all stubbed up. I manage to make it with my feet completely gnawed off and I flop onto the land at the end.
Some comedian then tells me that I have to drink something made from elephant genitalia, ejaculate, etc. This sucks because I cannot get a good grip on it so I spill some into my empty eye socket.
I'm then forced to wait in line at the DMV. They tell me I need to go to another location and wait in that line only to be told that my original line was the correct one. This is a mock DMV office, of course.
I see a DVD box of The Adventures of Pluto Nash. I know what's going to happen. My eyelid is forced open and I'm put through 95 minutes of horror.
The guy takes off his mask. He looks familiar. He tells me, "YOU JUST GOT PUNK'D!!!". It's an Ashton Kutcher impersonator. I'm relieved that it was all a joke... and in the midst of my relief, I'm shot a few times and fed to alligators.