Rate me on my freestyles

First freestyles ever. I've written and produced two songs. This was a first for me. One is a freestyle straight from the dome to paper and the diss is straight from dome to facebook LOL. These were both freestyled today. THE FIRST ONE I actually hate the fucking kid to death and if I were to catch him anywhere, I would beat his ass to the ground.

Be honest please. If you don't like it; tell me! If you do, thanks! Just please don't flame I wanna get criticized so I can learn next time!

Freestyle:

This freestyle is dedicated to a faggot named alex doolittle,
I'll fuckin pop ur face like I was chewin on a skittle,
snap his fuckin bones easy like peanut brittle,
your last name should be belittle,
because I'm im steppin on you little I was a giant,
I'll hoop you like my name was bryant,
fuck that i am a supergiant,
I'll fuck your ass up and yea I am reliant,
havein your girl run to me like she was my client,
wait.. you don't have a girl cuz your ugly as fuck,
you fuckin suck.. you look like muck,
goin against me will bring bad luck,
im built by ill luck,
shoot you like you was a sittin duck,
you keep talkin shit and ill go amuck,
leave you on the ground starstruck,
come over and my dick you will suck,
my cum you will swallow,
fight me bitch you obvious don't know i'm oracle of apollo

Diss:

Whitney is a STUPID CUNT that needs to grow/
pushin her head down makin sure she blow/
keep her down till I go/
shes winning first place at the dog show/
shes a stupid bitch this I know/
her body is so-so/
but I would still keep her down you know?/
first time suckin was a long time ago/
id slice you from you head to your toe/
this is a trifflin bitch whos after your dough/
is this bitch clean? no/
cause her whole life is a porn show/
now get on both knees and blow/
cause everyone knows your a fuckin hoe

 

on topic: i actually really like them

 

thanks man!

 

Liked the second one, not so much on the first.

Words strung well together on second, the first some of the words were just kinda awkward, ya know?

 

The first one was alright except near the end of it where you ended about 6 lines with "uck', it just got really repetitive like you were beating a dead horse.

 

2nd one all teh way, moar hurt in it lol