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Blupig · Sep 20, 2007

WHAT IS IT?
My story. It's about characters in a game, sort of like the tv show .hack/sign, if you will. It is of a "different" humour, so be on your guard. Do not flame.

I'm not done it yet, but please give feedback on what I have done.

"OMG! What the hell is taking so looooong? It's just the bank, not freaking charity day in Daskingsvale!" yelled Masky, an unpatient homosexual son-of-a-bitch priest lover warrior. "Shut up u stoopid warrior!" A really high-pitched and noobish sounding voice came from behind. Of course, it was a noob who thought it was better than anyone else, it and it's "noobish" powers or bad grammar and spelling, plus the fact that the whole genre doesn't have any skills at all. Soon it became two half-noobs, with a quick slice of Masky's bisexual steel blade. The half corpses quickly dissapeared, and the digital blood faded as the all-known fate of dead folks was rolling through it's routine of bringing the spirit to the graveyard where it would heal. "Wow, nice noob slayin'." A lower and more powerful voice came from in front of Masky, from a priest who's name was Phobo. Masky took a quick glance around, making sure nobody was looking, then sprinted ahead of the line where Phobo was, and jumped up into his arms. Thousands of nooby voices comming from behind then yelled (it was schrynchonised, kind of frightening actually) "HEY NO CUTTIN!".
-Hey mighty priest, want to take me away to a wonderful place with flowers, squashes and and infinite supply of priesty goodness?
-Uhm. No. I only complemented you on your noob slaying skill, that's all. I'm not interested, plus I'm as straight as that guy's sword over there.
Phobo pointed to another warrior, who had his nicely sharpenned blade in it's sash.
-But that's a scimitar. Those are all curvy
-Nice try, but not that one, the one beside it.
-So what, be curvy like me for just a sec! Take me to SQUASH LAND!! (With priests of course).
-Once again, no. Now get off before I smite you.
-I WILL GO ALL SEX CRAZY ON YOU HOLY HOTNESS!
Masky then proceeded to bitting Phobo's nipple. As promissed, a large bolt of holy stuffs rained down on Masky. He got smited. He fell out of Phobo's arms, but quickly got back up.
-Just a small dose of what I can do. Now leave me alone.
-Hey! Don't hate! If you like playing that way, let's duel!
-Fine. I'll just go all holy bitch on you again.
The duel commenced, right in the middle of the bank line. It was pretty hard to fight, since all the noobs and people who wanted to access their bank were in the way. Masky obviously didn't mean what he said (he still wanted Phobo in his pants), because he never really attacked Phobo; he instead tried to jump and pounce him from dark places. He got Phobo once, but then got a nice dose of holy smite from the heavens again. The duel had ended.

Now the line was moving relatively fast, since a god couple of noobs died from being overwhelmed with the intensity of Phobo's holy goodness. Masky didn't quit, so Phobo just kind of gave up on making him go away. He just let him do whatever, including caressing his holy digital ass. He was thinking about what Masky was doing, and was feeling that he actually kind of enjoyed it. He was also thinking that maybe it had gone to far when Masky whacked the back of his leg with his penis. He didn't mind it though.

After the long wait for the bank, everyone got what they needed and headed home. By the end of the day, Phobo had lipstick marks all over his legs, and the circular bite mark surrounding his nipple. That night, Masky was dreaming like most people do, except for Junior, Masky little brother, who pees all night, on anything he pleases. He was dreaming of the place he wanted Phobo to bring him to, as he did every night; he was convinced that this place really did exist, and when he finds it he would eat all their squashes then plant some more. Between squash meals, though, he would make mad Jesus love to any priest that he chose.

He woke up the next morning to find he was sleeping in a pool of seamen. "God damn! Not the seamen glitch!" A bunch or tiny bearded men dressed in bright yellow raincoats and matching caps were riding a tiny boat a bit bigger than them, which was clearly too small to fit them all. They were piled on top of each other, and falling out of the boat like a neverending loop. Masky quickly wiped the small men off his pink bunny pijamas, and of course kept a few to strip down later. He went through his daily routine; ate some noobs for breakfast to increase his noob slayer skill which was now at level 236, about halfway to the maximum skill level of 500, and picked up his priest detector to go see if he can screw any nearby priests. In the priest community though, the small village Masky lived was Masky labeled for 100 miles all around. The only time priests really came through was for an emergency, like if Jesus came back or something. After he picked up his detector, Junior stormed through the door, leaving a whole in it on his way through. "Open it?" Masky proposed, which his usual stereotypical homosexual lisp. Without saying a word, Junior followed his soul purpose in life: to pee. The warm liquid poured out like a fountain, and went all over Masky. "GOD DAMMIT JUNIOR! I only told you I liked that when I'm NOT preparing for my daily priest hunt!!". Masky didn't seem very angry, but it was implied. Junior bolted out the hole he came through. Masky then set out of his small room at the Telltory Inn. The inn was named after a phrase the original innkeeper's son wouldn't cease to repeat; telltory. See, the innkeeper would read stories to his son every night when his son was still young, until he could speak around the age of 49. The son got quite aggravated when his father wouldn't read the stories anymore, so he yelled "TELLTORY, TELLTORY!". In retarded talk, that means "Please, sir, read me a story.". As soon as Masky walked out the door, another daily view was taking place. The village retard named Jeff was squabbling about butt-naked in the village square, yelling incomprehensible and undecodable retard talk. It was something like this: "GNNAGGGAAI CHOOCHOO!". Jeff had brown hair in all the places that he needed it, and dwelled and slept in the "Sea Corner" of the stables. It was named the "Sea Corner" because it was probably the most frequent host of the seamen glitch, but Jeff didn't seem to mind. In fact, of what our retard translator Dimbolt told us, he named 3 of them: Hgjucaquaaa, Agnus and Pliiiip. Junior was right behind Masky, pushing by him, butt-naked like Jeff, penis whaggling all over, spewing pee. Of course, he ran straight for his best buddy Jeff. They hugged, and even though they couldn't communicate, Junior and Jeff were inseperable. Junior always gave Jeff his daily bath, my peeing on him, and Jeff would always gather more cranberry juice for Junior so he could pee some more. Not even surprised the slightest bit, Masky proceeded to the borders of the town, which weren't far at all. Only about a 2 second walk. As usual, there was nothing. When that happened, Masky would catch the gryphon to the main city of Delcroft, to the North. That's where he met Phobo, and he hoped he would see him again.

Arrived in Delcroft, the city was deserted. There was nobody outside, and there were birthday cakes rolling accross the roads like tumbleweeds would in Western movies. There was someone in town, and it wasn't anyone good. Slowly cat-walking ahead, Masky analyzed the surroundings, then yes. He sensed it. He sensed the presance of Sooper Gai, his arch nemesis from the Earth country of the Tzech Republic, Mr. Sooper Gai and his apprentice BlueBoy McCloy. BlueBoy was an excellent baker; that would explain the Cinquincial Decker Quadruple White Chocolate Moose-Fudge Truffle Cakes with his singature polka-dot icing rolling accross the roads, instead of the cheap ass cakes from walmart *WE LOWER PRICES EVERYDAY!* - MY ASS! Anyways, it was getting pretty suspenseful. Then, it hapenned. Sooper Gai phased out of a flower pettal and bitch slaped Masky right accross the secret sweet slapping spot only homosexuals knew about. Though from the Tzech Republic, Sooper Gai only knew an advanced form of retard speak, french and horrible american english, with of course the usual stereotypical gay lisp. They locked gazes, then locked lips. "You've gotten better at the Gay Style: Art of Tongue Fencing, Maskprick!"
-Hey, I've never told you my real name!
-Oh, but my gaydar told me...
-FUCK YOUR GAYDAR!!
Sooper Gai pulled out a small green circular dildo, then immediately shoved it up his ass. This was Masky's time to strike: he went for the suducing nipple bite, as he tried with Phobo but failed.
Click to expand...

Tgump · Sep 20, 2007

What the hell are you smoking? I want some.

Blupig · Sep 21, 2007

I get high on life.

P3W3R SH3T · Sep 21, 2007

what the fuck.... what the hell is this anyways?

Blupig · Sep 23, 2007

my story
i'm dead sick right now, so i won't be workin on it for a while

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