Is it okay for parents to hit their children?

..so your saying you respect other people because you were assaulted as a child?


When I was younger (like 10) I was raised singly by mom with my grandfather being in my life. He was old school, cut 2 cords of wood a day and if you complain about using the washing machine you wash your clothes in the creek.


He used to hit me because I don't "use a broom correctly" and other unjustified reasons
I'm ambidextrous so naturally I had no right way of using a broom.


One day I was to be send home from school and was told my grandfather was going to pick me up from school. It got to my teacher that I didn't want him to pick me up because he was going to hit me.


Instead of picking me up he was greeted by the police and he never touched me again.


When you hit a child it's much more than just a slap on the wrist. There is emotional scarring that happens because of said abuse. The pen is indeed mightier than the sword.

 

My kids get spankings when deserved.

Nothing wrong with it. There is a difference between punishment and abuse.

My kids also listen, they dont run around walmart crying and screaming.
They hold onto the cart and do as i say.
Say what you want about it, Ill do it my way.
Generally they stand in a corner with there hands by their side looking at the wall.
If that doesn't work we resort a little further.
I rarely have to anymore.

 

Abuse and discipline are two different things. As long as we understand that.

No child should ever be abused, or smacked in the head, or any of that nonsense. But a pop on the butt is not a bad thing.

happened to me, Worked for me. Happens to my kids, Works for my kids.
That is a last resort style punishment, See post above.

Let us not mix up assault and discipline.
Nor criticize each other on our ways of raising our children.

 

Honestly, sometimes it has to go to that extent for the child to learn, so yeah i think it is okay, but to a certain extent. I would hope it isn't nothing crazy or brutal, just enough to get the point across.

 

Just another person justifying the hitting of his children.

The being hit part was not what saved you from turning into a criminal or w/e you think it avoided you of becoming. If you honestly think that getting smacked here and there is what saved you then I'd consider rethinking that part. I'm sure it had a negative impact on your life choices (like hitting your own children) but I just don't see how violence can have a positive impact. If you can't use words to explain why something is wrong then:

A)you don't know well enough why that thing is bad
B)the children are copying something you do yourself (smoking,drinking,yelling,hitting etc)
C)that thing is actualy not that bad

Pick any of the 3 and using force is still not the best route to go. It's the lazy and damaging method of parenting.

School bullies are not a product of peaceful parenting. In most cases they are just copying the stuff they have gone through at home. I don't have children myself but I would not want them to have to go to the same school as your children, cause by hitting your children you are making it okay for them to use force to get what they want. You hitting your children does not stop with your family, it unfortunately has a larger effect. If it didn't, then I and many others likely wouldn't care. Stop normalizing violence, thanks.

 

lol.. You obviously have no clue what you are talking about.
That is pretty ignorant of you.

Getting a spanking Is not what makes a school bully. It is far from it.
I have a degree in psychology. With that said, I understand my own motives, And why i choose to do so.

For you to say that MY children are going to have adverse affects due to them getting a spanking, Is speaking out of line.
Children need it sometimes, And unfortunately it is the Left side wackos like yourself that have their kids runnning through walmart throwing a fit, And of course, instead of punishing them, You decide to just talk to them. BECAUSE THAT WORKS.
The complete idiocy of some people, or lack of regard for other people in stores when it comes to their children is pathetic.
I see first hand daily what parents that "Talk to their kids" deal with.
And i see the other side of it.
Im sorry if you were beat as a child, and you dont understand the difference between a spanking and a beating.
There is a big difference.

 

Trust me, that degree is doing you no good. I also have taken some psychology courses, just that you'd know. So don't try to act all high and mighty. Your motives are obvious, but saying you know why you choose to do so is an obvious lie. In reality you just don't know a better way (since you havn't experienced it yourself and havn't read about it either). Don't hide behind your "I know my motives" bs, you are just plain lazy.

Sure, because being hit by a freaking giant is going to have a positive effect, +1 to your degree. This will not explain to your child why running around walmart is a bad thing (this seems to be your biggest problem). All it will teach them is that if they do X,Y or Z then the giant will hit you. You are not going to teach them morality by hitting them.

Yes, because it's either you hit your child or he will run around walmart throwing a fit. Kudos my friend, your degree is doing its job!

My brother's 2 children have never been hit or yelled at, but by some miracle they don't run around throwing a fit(must be magic, cause this is only possible via violence, right?) and when you ask them to do something or share something then they comply without having to be threatened with force. Was it easy? I don't think it was and my brother's wife even went as far as thowing a fit herself in a store just to proove a point. Guess what, it worked. Children get uncomfortable too. There have not been a single incident after that lesson.

If you can't fight the argument then attack the messanger? Good luck with that, still doesn't justify hitting your children.

 

I am not attacking the messenger. Sorry if you felt that way.
Spanking your children is far from the lazy thing to do. Sitting on the couch yelling is just that. In my house, Spankings aren't the go to punishment. They are the last resort punishment. Why?
It is simple. That is meant to be the End all be all. So if daddy has to do that, then something went terribly south.

As for my Degree, it goes to good use everyday in the real world. Instead of Attacking the argument from your side, Please provide facts on "Why it is bad"
Beware, There are so many statistical arguments going on with it, your head may explode. From research, it has been proven to show that
A. Kids are not scarred for life due to being spanked.
B. The have a better understanding on the Level of situations.
C. They understand that the punishment, Is delivered based on ones actions.

With that said, someone that puts no effort into their children, So in turn just hits them, THAT is wrong. Like i said previously, I dont think you have the best understanding between the two.

Hope you have a Wonderful day today.
My apologies if you felt as i was attacking you, In which i may have been.

 

Speaking from my dad's POV, he said that he only administered spanks to grab our, my brother and I, attention if we were refusing to listen to what was being said. At young ages, we were generally sent to our rooms for x amount of time - typically 10 minutes. As we progressed and became older, more valuable things like the PlayStation, access to hanging out with friends and other rewards were revoked for a certain amount of days, weeks or, in rare situations, months. Now as I'm in college, responsibility is placed on myself to do what needs to be done.

These days I think the worst thing that would happen to me is them being disappointed in something I may have done, which I refrain from putting myself in that situation.

 

Either you are spastic or have not even read this thread. Most likely the 2nd part. My advice would be to read future threads before posting on them.

If you want proof then read the thread. No need for me to relink the studies. Also it might give you the bigger picture from multiple people on why hitting your children is not parenting. It's just plain violence.

 

I would never lay a finger on my child in a negative way.
I like the idea of discipline much more than punishment. I was spanked as a child many times and it clearly didn't teach me to change too much. I believe there are more effective ways to discipline a child.

"Discipline teaches a child how to act. Discipline should make sense to a child. It should have something to do with what he has done wrong. Discipline helps a child feel good about himself. It gives him the chance to correct his mistakes. It puts him in charge of his actions.

Punishment only tells a child that she is bad. It does not tell a child what she should do instead. So punishment may not make sense to the child. Punishment usually has nothing to do with what the child did wrong.

Here are some examples of what a child can do wrong. Some types of punishment and discipline are given. Can you see how they are different?

Example 1: A three-year-old throws his crayons on the floor.

Punishment: Tell him he is a bad boy and slap his fingers.
Discipline: Tell him to pick up the crayons. Explain that they could get broken or mark up the floor. Put them out of the child's reach until the next day."
- source

 

Yes , depending on the situation of course.

I have been hit by my parents (mostly really hard slaps) for doing some bad shit but looking back at what I did , I deserved it.

 

It's called parenting. Perfectly fine with me. Now, child abuse is a completely different thing. I'm not saying to beat your kid to a pulp, but a slap to set them straight every now and then is perfectly acceptable. Kids need to stop being bitches.

 

My personal belief is that a child should be disciplined regardless of how they are disciplined. However, there is a thick line between spanking and beating.

I will just explain a little bit of a difference between me and my brother and leave it at that. I know some will disagree, others will think we should have both had it "worse" and so on. But this is my view, and my first-hand experience of two different types of parenting.

I was never beat. I was spanked. I've been slapped in the face a few times. Had a yard stick broken on my ass a couple of times. I was also grounded. Had to be in time-outs. Stand with my nose in a corner. And yeah, I turned out to drink a lot, I love smoking pot, and by some peoples standards today, that would have been caused because I was "abused" as a child. That's bullshit. I was also an A student throughout school. I had a 4.0 grade point average until I dropped out. "You dropped out because you were abused". I dropped out because I was disciplined to a point I would study, even work ahead. I dropped out because everything was too easy, I already knew everything they were teaching me. But I was also a teenager who was dumb and thought my brain could get me a job without education. I'm 23 years old now, I've had my GED (high school diploma equivalent) for almost 4 years (I think almost 4?) and am currently attending college, upholding an A in every class (though I don't have a 100% in everything like high school, my lowest grade is a 92%). I am properly organized, without having to be told how to. I set goals and work hard to get them. I also have a good work ethic and do manual labor any chance I get, because I was punished as a child? Maybe, I personally believe so.


Now... My brother...

He has 0 discipline and has been disciplined none. He's 15 and barely scrapes by passing every year. He was smart in grade school, well ahead of others just as I was. Well... Until about 4th or 5th grade... That's when the bullshit started.

He started doing the EXACT opposite of what he was supposed to... He asked grandpa if he could have a soda... Grandpa said no... He went straight to the fridge and got one. When he was in danger of being spanked with a yard stick (just as I was) he told Grandpa if he did, he'd call the cops because the school told him he could.

Since that day? He hasn't brought home homework ONCE. He shows no one anything but disrespect. He curses at our mother and doesn't even visit our grandparents and my grandma has alzheimers and is in horrible shape, grandpa could use the help, but with me being in school, I can't always be the one to help out, mom works night shift, so she has little time to help. So grandpa has to rely on his equally old and physically incapable sister while I'm at school and mom is sleeping. This means I am unable to go out of town with friends, I'm unable to go to parties and get too drunk to come home, I'm unable to do anything that'd make it impossible for me to rush over there with NO notice because my brother refuses to help out.

But that's not all... All kids are messy. I had a messy room. But I was required to clean it when it got to a certain point, or I wouldn't be allowed to go see my friends or get on the computer or play video games... At current, my brothers room is so terrible, that I could guarantee if someone came and saw it, this house would be CONDEMNED! We have to wash plates/forks before each meal, because out of the 30-some plates we have and 4 sets of silverware, there is only 2 plates/2 forks/ 2 spoons in the kitchen. My brother has to bring a 3rd of everything he needs out of his room before each meal, because EVERYTHING is in there. And at 15, mom is STILL washing his plate/silverware for him before each meal because it's gotten to the point where "it's just easier than dealing with it". It's also just easier to buy nothing to drink but canned soda, because every single glass we own is in his room, covered in mold.

He's even hit mom, but only once. Why only once? Because even though she refused to do anything, I slapped him across the face. When he said he was calling the cops, I told him if he did I'd beat him with the fucking phone. Now, to me, it's clear. He's never done it since because he was punished for doing so. I remind her of it all the time, say that if she would punish him, or just let me punish him, the room would be clean, the grades would go up, and he'd start showing more respect. However, she claims she's older now than she was with me and that it isn't my place to deal punishment - So things go on the same.

I do not believe PHYSICAL punishment is REQUIRED to teach a child respect and/or discipline. However, I do believe ontop of everything else, it does distill a little bit of fear into them, and I believe that's not always a bad thing.

"Don't do that, you'll get grounded" = "Oh well, it's worth 2 days without an xbox"

vs

"Don't do that, you'll get your ass blistered" = "I better not do that then"

So I do believe physical punishment has its perks over normal punishment and that to create a respectable child, punishment in general is REQUIRED. That "oh, we don't tell our kids no" bullshit is exactly what's going to create an entire world of undisciplined, self-centered little brats that will always expect things to be handed to them, and may they have mercy on the world if something is not handed to them.

Do I believe children should be hit? Yes, but only when deserving and never with an object with the exception of yard sticks, switches, belts, etc and with any of these ONLY on the ass. Only often enough and hard enough to make the child fear doing wrong, NOT fear the person punishing them - There is also a HUGE difference in that!


NOTE: I was never slapped in the face until I was a teenager, which is the point that spanking does nothing... I mean seriously... It'd be hilarious to see, but I've NEVER seen a mother/father bend a 16 year old over their knee and give them a few taps... And if they did, I doubt it'd do what spanking is meant to do... However, I believe slapping a teenager should also be used even less than spanking a younger child. Only for the SERIOUS things, cursing towards parents, physically fighting parents, etc etc. You don't smack your teenager across the face because he/she was 30 minutes late getting home... That's when they get grounded for a week or 2 and possibly their curfew pulled back an extra hour or 2 until they can prove they deserve the original curfew time.




-CONCLUSION -
From what I've seen, not ONLY from my younger brother, but just watching other people in general. A child NEEDS to be punished, though they do NOT need to be physically punished in order to do as they are told. However, physical punishment is more likely to cause them to NOT repeat the offence.

 

Theres a difference between punishment and child abuse.

If you're kicking your 3 year old child around and beating him up with a belt, obviously its wrong.

If its slight punishment such as a slap on the hand, or a weak spank on the ass, then its fine (depending on their age, of course).

 

If a child is being extremely naughty to a point where a slap on the bum is the only thing that will stop them, no it's fine.

However if you was to punch a child or anything that bad then it's completely wrong and the person should be punished for doing anything of the sort.

 

No, it just means they'll hit their children, you can constructively punish.

 

Hitting a kid should never be the answer.
I grew up terrified of my father because he hit me when I was younger and no kid should grow up scared of either one of their parents.

 

Would love to know how many people who answer this actually have kids themselves.

 

I wasnt hit as a child, I mean I got the slipper now and again, but you learn from your actions. Nowa days, kids get away with murder, so its swings and roundabouts.