Im On A Boat

(shorty)Aww shit, get your towels ready it's about to go down (shorty, yeah)
Everybody in the place hit the f**king deck (shorty, yeah)
But stay on your motherf**king toes
We running this, let's go

I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
Everybody look at me 'cause I'm sailing on a boat (sailing on a boat)
I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
I'm on a boat
Take a good hard look at the motherf**king boat (boat, yeah)

I'm on a boat motherf**ker take a look at me
Straight flowing on a boat on the deep blue sea
Busting five knots, wind whipping at my coat
You can't stop me motherf**ker cause I'm on a boat

Take a picture, trick (trick)
I'm on a boat, bitch (bitch)
We drinking Santana champ,
Cause it's so crisp (crisp)
I got my swim trunks
And my flippie-floppies
I'm flipping burgers, you and Kinko's
Straight flipping copies

I'm riding on a dolphin, doing flips and shit
The dolphin's splashing, getting everybody all wet
But this ain't Seaworld, this is real as it gets
I'm on a boat, motherf**ker, don't you ever forget

I'm on a boat and
It's going fast and
I got a nautical themed
pashmina afghan
I'm the king of the world
On a boat like Leo
If you're on the shore,
then you're sure not me-oh

Get the f**k up, this boat is REAL!!!

f**k land, I'm on a boat, motherf**ker (motherf**ker)
f**k trees, I climb buoys, motherf**ker (motherf**ker)
I'm on the deck with my boys, motherf**ker (yeah)
The boat engine make noise, motherf**ker

Hey ma, if you could see me now (see me now)
Arms spread wide on the starboard bow (starboard bow)
Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow (moon somehow)
Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible

Yeah, never thought I'd be on a boat
It's a big blue watery road (yeah)
Poseidon
Look at me, oh (all hands on deck)

Never thought I'd see the day
When a big boat coming my way
Believe me when I say
I f**ked a mermaid

I'm on a boat
I'm on a boat
Everybody look at me 'cause I'm sailing on a boat (woaah)
I'm on a boat
I'm on a boat
Take a good hard look at the mothaf**kin' boat (sha-sha-shorty, shorty, yeah)

 

I'm inviting you to leave.

 

Mr. Samberg, thanks for coming to your performance review.
No problem.
So you're in charge around here, is that fair to say?
Absolutely, I'm the boss.
Ok, so take us through a day in the life of, "The Boss".
Well the first thing I do is--

Talk to corporate (like a boss)
Approve memos (like a boss)
Lead a workshop (like a boss)
Remember birthdays (like a boss)
Direct work-flow (like a boss)
My own bathroom (like a boss)
Micro-manage (like a boss)
Promote synergy (like a boss)

Hit on Deborah (like a boss)
Get rejected (like a boss)
Swallow sadness (like a boss)
Send some faxes (like a boss)
Call a sex line (like a boss)
Cry deeply (like a boss)
Demand a refund (like a boss)
Eat a bagel (like a boss)

Harassment Lawsuit (like a boss)
No Promotion (like a boss)
5th of vodka (like a boss)
Shit on Deborah's desk (like a boss)
Buy a gun (like a boss)
In my mouth (like a boss)
Oh fuck man, I can't fucking do it, shit!

Pussy out (like a boss)
Puke on Deborah's desk (like a boss)
Jump out the window (like a boss)
Suck a dude's dick (like a boss)
Score some coke (like a boss)
Crash my car (like a boss)
Suck my own dick (like a boss)
Eat some chicken strips (like a boss)

Chop my balls off (like a boss)
Black out in the sewer (like a boss)
Meet a giant fish (like a boss)
Fuck his brains out (like a boss)
Turn into a jet (like a boss)
Bomb the Russians (like a boss)
Crash into the Sun (like a boss)
Now I'm dead (like a boss)

Uh huh. So that's an... average day for you then.
No doubt.
You chop your balls off and die.
Hell yeah.
And I think at one point there you said something about sucking your own dick?
Nope.
Actually, I'm pretty sure you did.
Nah, that ain't me.
OK, well this has been eye-opening for me.
I'm the boss.
Ya, I know, I got that. You said it about 400 times.
I'm the boss.
Ya, ya, I got it.
I'm the boss.
No, I heard you, see you later!
(like a boss)

 

stay on the boat and don't come back.

 

Hey Hey, T-Swizzle {T-Swizzle}
And T-Pizzle {T-Pizzle}

[Taylor Swift:]
I'm like 8 foot 4
Blond hair to the floor
You shorties never thought I dreamed about rapping hardcore
No I ain't got a gun
No I never really been in a club
Still live with my parents but I'm still a thug
I'm so gangster you can find me baking cookies at night
You out clubbing but I just made caramel delight
T-Swift and T-Pain rapping on the same track
It's a thug story, tell me can you handle that?

[T-Pain & Taylor:]
I had a dream last night

[Taylor Swift:]
I had high top Nikes
I had

[T-Pain & Taylor:]
Diamonds in my mouth
And Diamonds on my mic

[Taylor Swift:]
By the time I woke I was singing

[T-Pain:]
I'm on a boat, whoa oh

[Taylor Swift:]
Cause I'm a singer turned rapper

[T-Pain:]
Shorty I'm a make ya

[Taylor Swift:]
Straight to the top, yo

[T-Pain:]
Shorty I'm a take ya

[Taylor Swift:]
You can call me T-Sweezy
Now I'm a rap star

[T-Pain:]
Hey, It's a thug story
Now tell 'em who you are
Singer turned gangster

[Taylor Swift:]
You don't want to fight me

[T-Pain:]
Straight to the top

[Taylor Swift:]
In my extra small white tee

[T-Pain:]
T-Swift and T-Pain all up on the same track
It's a thug story now can you get with that?

[Taylor Swift (T-Pain):]
What, What, I knit sweaters, yo!
What, What, Don't test me (Beep)
Hey, Hold on, hold on
I didn't even say anything I- (What?)
I said Yo (yup)
You guys bleeped me and I didn't even say anything
I didn't swear (She didn't even swear)
Hello? Ugh!

 

Shut up, it's not funny anymore. It was funny the first time and that's it.

 

go .