iLife - Rap -

[juvenilepunk]

I wake in ache a new headache as I witness hate
I intake a new mistake a new outbreak
I say things will change I arrange my fate yet I only see strange
I stay hopeful as I ride by but I only see more people die as I pass by
I pray to god why I cry as I say goodbye to those who tried
I better myself each day I pray as I lay dreaming of some other day
I wonder when, when I can begin to see change; a promised lie
I begin to see what they imply, to my surprise it flies right on by
I open up I see the truth it soothes my soul I found my goal I see my youth
I pack it up I'm ready to go time to find the plateau time to regrow.

 

[Sh4dows]

Nice, I like it.

 

[juvenilepunk]

Thanks, it's my second "rap".

 

[Bordmb]

I open up I see the truth it soothes my soul I found my goal I see my youth

My favorite line. Good work.

 

[juvenilepunk]

Thanks bro, I'm happy people like it

 

[Applied]

Very articulately written, hard to come across nowadays in rape. Goodjob.

 

[chr0n r4ng3r]

Good flow man.
My suggestion is, use more metaphors, maybe some "better" words, and mix up the beginning of each of your lines.

but keep it up bro.

 

[juvenilepunk]

I normally would switch up the beginning but notice the title, iLife.
Hence I used I in the beginning of each line.

 

[chr0n r4ng3r]

didn't know you named it. sorry.

 

[1LastChance]

Maybe put a beat to this song, got a good sound to it atm. Maybe you need to use more complicated words in your rap?

 

[lacuna]

Maybe put a beat to this song, got a good sound to it atm. Maybe you need to use more complicated words in your rap?

Yea, i'd have to agree.
Wayne and Tupac both used real big words, try it.
But, nice rap^_^

 

[juvenilepunk]

Rap doesn't have to be complicated and it doesn't have to have big words...

 

[lacuna]

Rap doesn't have to be complicated and it doesn't have to have big words...

But it soulds better.
For example.
Tupac - Dear Momma "I reminice on the stress I caused, it was hell
Huggin on my mama from a jail cell"

 

[juvenilepunk]

Long words can mean absolutely nothing not to mention there is none in the above statement.

 

[lacuna]

Long words can mean absolutely nothing not to mention there is none in the above statement.

I know, but it sounds a lot better with bigger words.
Just my opinion.

 

[d0minat0r]

Personally to me it rhymes too much, it starting to sound like a poem. My mate raps and told me it has to rhyme at least once in a line.

 

[trapt01]

Would you mind if I used this in once of my upcoming rap songs? I am using a program to create custom beats etc. and I have an entire song made out but that would be a nice little chorus if I could add it in there somewhere and mix up the words. Let me know! PM ME !

 

[juvenilepunk]

Would you mind if I used this in once of my upcoming rap songs? I am using a program to create custom beats etc. and I have an entire song made out but that would be a nice little chorus if I could add it in there somewhere and mix up the words. Let me know! PM ME !

Be my guest, I'd like to heard it when it's finished if you do use it.

 

[humberto913]

I like your written style ...great word combination.




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Driving Lessons Glasgow
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