I need help with my life
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I'm not sure if I'll be much help here...
I sold drugs for years. Pot is no big deal; I'm not sure about Slovenia, but are you sure he could be locked up for his ENTIRE life? I know the laws are different there, but here, I think there's only 2 or 3 people in the entire country that's been put in prison for life over pot, and that's because they either repeated the crime too many times to count, or the judge simply went by a "3 strikes" system. Look into it, ask your mother about the lawyer she's got and what he thinks he can do for him and get back to me.
As for the women thing... You don't really need to look for common interests. Go on a few practice dates. Go to a bar, just approach a random woman and ask her if she'd like a drink. Don't worry if she says no. Try a different woman until one lets you buy her a drink. And just talk about random shit. Drunk people are usually easy to talk to, and you might find it a little easier to talk if you have some booze in your system too. Repeat this process a few times a week; don't bother giving out your phone number or getting numbers from anyone, even if you THINK you really like them... I mean, you can if you want, it MIGHT lead to more, but this is kind of just a practice thing.
After you've gotten to where it's easier to talk, you're more confident in approaching women, that's when you can get a little more serious... Maybe try asking a woman out to dinner at a local grocery store, or hell, if you see someone you find attractive walking down the street, ask them too. "You've caught my eye and I'd really like to know if I could buy you dinner tonight". Exchange numbers or whatever and it's usually best to go about your day after getting her number, and deciding on a time for the date. Don't worry about a fancy restaurant for a first date, but I've found it highly disapproved to take a lady to fast food... So a sit down diner for sure; not something classless, but unless you have a lot of money to spare, there's no point in something super classy for a girl you may never talk to again. If you both feel a connection, 2 - 3 days is a good amount of time to wait before calling her to ask for a second date.
As for conversation... When practicing in bar, it doesn't matter... just blurt out whatever comes to mind. On a serious date, just tell her about yourself, ask her about herself, make sure you listen, don't just ask a question and zone out.
To start out the date, let her know that you have MS and what that means, and that there may be some undesirable activity due to it, so that she better understands you.
Some good conversation starters:
What you do for fun (hobbies)
The type of music you like
Things you're currently working on in life
Good questions to ask:
Where she was born
What type of music she likes
What she does for fun
If shes currently taking any classes
What she plans to do with her life (or if she has any plans for the future)
But this is something I can't stress enough - Pay attention to what she has to say. Ask follow up questions. "I went to school at 'blah blah' high" so ask something like "did you enjoy going there?" or "I've heard of that school (or haven't heard of it)" (2nd one isn't a follow up question, but it shows that you are listening and are interested in her)
And another thing to keep in mind, is that attractiveness is not everything. You may take a girl out that is very attractive, but has the personality of a skunk with it's nose stuck up it's own ass... That's the kind of girl you don't bother asking on a second date. Find someone whose personality is something you enjoy.
I sold drugs for years. Pot is no big deal; I'm not sure about Slovenia, but are you sure he could be locked up for his ENTIRE life? I know the laws are different there, but here, I think there's only 2 or 3 people in the entire country that's been put in prison for life over pot, and that's because they either repeated the crime too many times to count, or the judge simply went by a "3 strikes" system. Look into it, ask your mother about the lawyer she's got and what he thinks he can do for him and get back to me.
As for the women thing... You don't really need to look for common interests. Go on a few practice dates. Go to a bar, just approach a random woman and ask her if she'd like a drink. Don't worry if she says no. Try a different woman until one lets you buy her a drink. And just talk about random shit. Drunk people are usually easy to talk to, and you might find it a little easier to talk if you have some booze in your system too. Repeat this process a few times a week; don't bother giving out your phone number or getting numbers from anyone, even if you THINK you really like them... I mean, you can if you want, it MIGHT lead to more, but this is kind of just a practice thing.
After you've gotten to where it's easier to talk, you're more confident in approaching women, that's when you can get a little more serious... Maybe try asking a woman out to dinner at a local grocery store, or hell, if you see someone you find attractive walking down the street, ask them too. "You've caught my eye and I'd really like to know if I could buy you dinner tonight". Exchange numbers or whatever and it's usually best to go about your day after getting her number, and deciding on a time for the date. Don't worry about a fancy restaurant for a first date, but I've found it highly disapproved to take a lady to fast food... So a sit down diner for sure; not something classless, but unless you have a lot of money to spare, there's no point in something super classy for a girl you may never talk to again. If you both feel a connection, 2 - 3 days is a good amount of time to wait before calling her to ask for a second date.
As for conversation... When practicing in bar, it doesn't matter... just blurt out whatever comes to mind. On a serious date, just tell her about yourself, ask her about herself, make sure you listen, don't just ask a question and zone out.
To start out the date, let her know that you have MS and what that means, and that there may be some undesirable activity due to it, so that she better understands you.
Some good conversation starters:
What you do for fun (hobbies)
The type of music you like
Things you're currently working on in life
Good questions to ask:
Where she was born
What type of music she likes
What she does for fun
If shes currently taking any classes
What she plans to do with her life (or if she has any plans for the future)
But this is something I can't stress enough - Pay attention to what she has to say. Ask follow up questions. "I went to school at 'blah blah' high" so ask something like "did you enjoy going there?" or "I've heard of that school (or haven't heard of it)" (2nd one isn't a follow up question, but it shows that you are listening and are interested in her)
And another thing to keep in mind, is that attractiveness is not everything. You may take a girl out that is very attractive, but has the personality of a skunk with it's nose stuck up it's own ass... That's the kind of girl you don't bother asking on a second date. Find someone whose personality is something you enjoy.
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Thanks man!
I will try my best with the girls, I just need to get confident and start speaking with one. That is the hardest part, "just saying hello". I mean I get so nervous when I need to speak with one that I feel if I would die right at that moment I'd feel better. Also I know this will sound funny.... but I dont smoke, I dont drink, I dont do any of drugs, but if it would be easyer with drugs to be more confidante I am willing to try it. I just need to break the wall that I have been building for the last 8 years.
What I mean with my stepdad is ... hes probably gonna stay in Jail because he was already in Jail before (because some one reported hes friend and they found only over 100kg weed). But now they got them with all the partners and they have found so much weed that even news reporteds said a joke that Slovenia had so much weed they could have been supporting Italy , Austira and Croatia with it. The ammount of weed they found could be for lifetime prison.
I will try my best with the girls, I just need to get confident and start speaking with one. That is the hardest part, "just saying hello". I mean I get so nervous when I need to speak with one that I feel if I would die right at that moment I'd feel better. Also I know this will sound funny.... but I dont smoke, I dont drink, I dont do any of drugs, but if it would be easyer with drugs to be more confidante I am willing to try it. I just need to break the wall that I have been building for the last 8 years.
What I mean with my stepdad is ... hes probably gonna stay in Jail because he was already in Jail before (because some one reported hes friend and they found only over 100kg weed). But now they got them with all the partners and they have found so much weed that even news reporteds said a joke that Slovenia had so much weed they could have been supporting Italy , Austira and Croatia with it. The ammount of weed they found could be for lifetime prison.
I wouldn't suggest any 'drug' other than pot. And with that kind of family ties, you should probably just avoid that too. But have a drink, do a shot or 2 of straight whiskey, let it start to take effect. Then just get up and walk to the nearest woman and ask if you can buy her a drink. It might be hard to feel comfortable doing so the first few times, but liquor should help with the confidence.
Reality is perception
Hey bud, a couple quick suggestions:
I've dealt with my fair share of issues over the past, and the one thing everyone needs to start with is changing their attitude. I don't mean this in like a "you're being ridiculous" or "you're being a brat" kind of way. What I mean is that you have a negative attitude when it comes to the situation. You believe you're defeated before you've even started, and that can really handicap your abilities to move past this rough spot in your life. Something I'd definitely recommend, which I know is tough, is to clean your slate and start fresh. Wake up each day and know that it is a new day with new and exciting things in store. Don't count yourself out of anything. You have just as much of a right to love and happiness as anyone else, there is absolutely no reason to believe otherwise. Some things that might help you open your eyes and allow you to try again with new hope:
- Meet new people. The best way to do this is to try new things. Never played any pickup sports? Why not try some. Never gone to the gym? Why not sign up for a local gym and try. Never given a book club a chance? Why not sign up for one and see what it's like. There are plenty of different niches you can give a shot. You just need to go out there and give them a shot, just like you need to give yourself a shot
- Once you find something you like, continue searching. You'll be happy you found something, but I'm sure there is another thing or two you'll find that may turn out to be lifelong hobbies. For me, the answer is Ultimate Frisbee. I love to play it competitively, but I also love to just throw the disc with friends. It's something I find relaxing and enjoyable.
I've dealt with my fair share of issues over the past, and the one thing everyone needs to start with is changing their attitude. I don't mean this in like a "you're being ridiculous" or "you're being a brat" kind of way. What I mean is that you have a negative attitude when it comes to the situation. You believe you're defeated before you've even started, and that can really handicap your abilities to move past this rough spot in your life. Something I'd definitely recommend, which I know is tough, is to clean your slate and start fresh. Wake up each day and know that it is a new day with new and exciting things in store. Don't count yourself out of anything. You have just as much of a right to love and happiness as anyone else, there is absolutely no reason to believe otherwise. Some things that might help you open your eyes and allow you to try again with new hope:
- Meet new people. The best way to do this is to try new things. Never played any pickup sports? Why not try some. Never gone to the gym? Why not sign up for a local gym and try. Never given a book club a chance? Why not sign up for one and see what it's like. There are plenty of different niches you can give a shot. You just need to go out there and give them a shot, just like you need to give yourself a shot
- Once you find something you like, continue searching. You'll be happy you found something, but I'm sure there is another thing or two you'll find that may turn out to be lifelong hobbies. For me, the answer is Ultimate Frisbee. I love to play it competitively, but I also love to just throw the disc with friends. It's something I find relaxing and enjoyable.
Definitely not the thing to do. The best thing in life to remember is you are you, and nobody can ever change that, nobody can be YOU. So go out there and be yourself and let things came naturally.
Carbon
Grand Master
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No on the drugs part, but you could use a little liquid confidence to actually go up and talk to a girl if you're afraid. And with girls you don't HAVE to flirt with them, you can just make small talk and friend-zone yourself to a certain point that you're comfortable with them but also flirtatious. Don't worry about not having friends in High-School, I started coming out of my shell my last year of High-School and I lost contact with all of my friends, mainly because they didn't concern me in the slightest.
I'm an immigration expert, if you need advice on how you could come to Canada feel free to pm me.
I think you're focusing too much on finding 'love' when realistically, you don't know what 'love' is.
What you need to do is sort your life out first before you try to find yourself a missus. Whats the point in finding love and then moving to where you 'Dream' of living?
My suggestion to you is that you should move away, find a real job, not a stay at home job where you earn pence. You know, a big company job, you'll make friends this way with co-workers they'll invite you for drinks and so forth. Life will quite probably all slot into place from there.
That's my 2c anyway
What you need to do is sort your life out first before you try to find yourself a missus. Whats the point in finding love and then moving to where you 'Dream' of living?
My suggestion to you is that you should move away, find a real job, not a stay at home job where you earn pence. You know, a big company job, you'll make friends this way with co-workers they'll invite you for drinks and so forth. Life will quite probably all slot into place from there.
That's my 2c anyway
x42O
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Generally this. You showed great loyalty protecting your step dads name. But to be honest, you could have probably found some stoner chick and shed probably be cool with all of it and keep it on the downlow too.
But stop focusing on love. Focus on yourself. You dont just fall in love and move to a new land. You have to figure out yourself before you figure out the world. After you figure out a big portion of yourself, then you can explore the world. But you should always keep in mind you were never done exploring yourself, and that that will always be your main priority. Why discover everything about someone when you don't know everything about yourself y'know?
I think the main issue is your self confidence. You're thinking things like "why would she want me, she could do better" you have to love yourself before anyone else will be able to love you in the way that you deserve. Just talk to girls it's really not hard at all, talk to them as if they are just people because that is exactly what they are. Don't start the relationship expecting things to work out in a romantic way just start friendships with more than one girl and see what happens, if it works it works, if it doesn't it doesnt, life goes on man trust me.
As for the family issues that you've described I wouldn't even worry about introducing a girl to your family at the beginning of your friendship or relationship until you know that it's the real thing and you can trust her more than you can trust yourself. That way you'll know that she won't say anything about anything even if it seems like whatever she knows doesn't matter because it always matters even with a closed investigation (further investigations may arise, or there might still be an active investigation). As for your step dad having to spend the rest of his life in jail over being "the leader of a marijuana growing ring" I highly doubt that would happen, although i'm not familiar with the laws in your country.
Good Luck man, honestly just have confidence and accept that nothing is perfect and it never will be, life always goes on.
As for the family issues that you've described I wouldn't even worry about introducing a girl to your family at the beginning of your friendship or relationship until you know that it's the real thing and you can trust her more than you can trust yourself. That way you'll know that she won't say anything about anything even if it seems like whatever she knows doesn't matter because it always matters even with a closed investigation (further investigations may arise, or there might still be an active investigation). As for your step dad having to spend the rest of his life in jail over being "the leader of a marijuana growing ring" I highly doubt that would happen, although i'm not familiar with the laws in your country.
Good Luck man, honestly just have confidence and accept that nothing is perfect and it never will be, life always goes on.