How do you forget the bad?

[MohtasaUnique]

I've got too many moments in my life I regret, and I've made my peace with them, but there are just a few instances in my life that I can't get out of my head, and every time I think about it I wince at how pathetic I must have looked.

The only one I really want to share is the first night I spent with a girl that truly meant the most to me out of everyone I've dated. We were partying with their family, I was belligerent and she was sober. As we were going to our tent where we were going to crash for the night, I was being drug by both her and her stepsister. I asked her step sister if she's have sex with me. I knew that I was only asking her whether she would or not, I wasn't asking if she will. This moment stood out to me ever since as wtf was I thinking, but that's not the worst of it. Next thing I know, I'm puking an entire night's worth of alcohol all over inside the tent. Cool, so now we have to sleep in naste. Not even that was that bad, relatively. What I can't stop thinking about, what makes me cringe every time is the fact that I kept saying over and over, no matter how many times I told myself I need to stop saying, the same thing. I kept whispering through my vomit-smeared face "I wish you would have sex with me"

I've never drank with a girlfriend since then. Ever. The next party we went to she got drunk and I stayed sober, and she avoided me the whole night. We stopped partying together and just spent time alone. Everything seemed fine, neither of us would mention any of it. Then she moved away for college and we decided to end it.

Every time I think of it, I hate myself to no end. She would say how much she didn't care, how it wasn't as bad as I remember it, but I remember every moment of that goddamn night. I knew I should have been blacked out, but I wasn't. I can't even stand it




Soooo point is, do you know of any way to train yourself to stop thinking about something? I know I can't forget it, but I can't make myself change the subject of my thoughts and I'm haunted by the memory for hours after I start thinking about it.

 

[cosrob97]

Well, every time I think of something bad or stupid I did, I say something that makes me happy. Usually it's my dog's name, cookie. I forget what I was thinking about and then remember my dog, cookie, and what he does that makes me laugh.

I didn't intentionally teach myself. It just sort of happened. But it works

 

[Synful]

I imagine my self as an 80 year old man on my death bed and think... Who cares whats done is done.

 

[Zerkerfist]

There is no way to train yourself to stop thinking about past events that you would rather forget, no way to erase those memories that make you cringe that you wish you could just sweep under the rug and move on with your life.

The only thing you can do is to accept and move forwards. Accept those memories as horrible experiences you've had during your life, but recognize the lessons you learned in those situations and what you can do to ensure something like that never happens again. Tuck it away in the back of your mind and move forwards, and over time you will gain more distance between the things you want to forget you will find your mind rarely coming back to those things.

I have my share of memories of past events in my life that I wish I could bury in the dirt and forget forever. When those things make their way to the surface of my mind and start to consume my thoughts for hours (like you describe), the best defence against that is to distract your mind during that time. Find something to do that will keep you busy - go hang out with a friend, read a book, do some homework, play a video game, get on Sythe and dive into some spam reports, etc. The key is to just distract yourself

 

[Schismatic]

Damn, I almost wrote you a book but I closed the tab by accident. I'm sorry, I'll try to summarize what I wrote:

There is no direct way to forget thinks. Trying not to think about something, makes you automatically think about it. Try not to think about penguins right now. Does it work? Probably not.

You have to accept the thoughts. When they vaguely come up in your head let them enter your mind and don't try to evade them. You can't ban them out, that's just not how our brain works. If you don't deny them, they will stop returning. You were not denying the penguins I mentioned above, so you probably forgot about them already by the time that you read this. I'll try to illustrate it with an example. You've probably experienced this when you were younger: You're home alone, and when you have to go to bed you start thinking 'don't think about creepy things now' Well, as soon as you do that, you're doomed. You may perhaps try to think happy thoughts but the creepy stuff will keep lurking around and will make you scared. The most efficient way to deal with it is just accepting the thoughts and trying very hard to think about all the scary stuff. Just accept all the horror scenario's and then RELATIVATE them. Think rationally, and they will get boring and disappear. This may seem an unfit example to you since this horror stuff is not real and what happened to you is; however, the technique is similar. You should try it.

Finally, Wayne Dyer said: “Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.”

And Vergilius(?) said carpe diem. Take the day. You can't change the past, enjoy today instead.

Hope I helped you on this tricky subject.

 

[Mr Smith]

Now, I don't know how to forget but, you've just got to remember:

There are many downsides to life, but, you must forget the past and thrive on to the future and create the heavens of life.

 

Hhhmmm.. I did write a big long speach about this, but it failed to post :/
Anyway.

The past is the past bro, it will never change so you need to stop thinking about the bad things. Just think when you're a little older you'll be able to tell that story to people and it will be funny. Everybody has done something embarrassing in their life, if they haven't they probably don't have a good social life.

 

[Sypherz]

I know exactly where you are. I actually think that I have that to an extreme. I honestly don't know how to handle and think of negative social queues. Reason why I had a horrible breakup. Reason why I don't drink alone with girls anymore.

Anyways I feel that, as time passes, you begin to think about the stupid things you have done less frequently. And sure it will make you feel like shit when you do think of it, possibly with less intensity as time goes, but you really have to wait it out when it comes down to it. Time will heal everything.

 

[Synful]

What you also have to remember is every one has secrets... some more daunting then others, but there is a way to make it stop hurting in a way, and that's to confess it to some one. Im not sure about where you like but there are kid hotlines and stuff like that. They really do help.

 

Just because you've made bad decisions, that doesn't make you a bad person. We've all been there, I've done many stupid things in my life I wish would have never happened. But, there is no use regretting the past. You'll have to accept the fact you have made a mistake, and move on with your life. You're not going to drink with your girlfriend again, so you don't have to worry about that ever happening. You've probably been blessed with great moments in your life, why waste all of them thinking about a couple of stupid things you have done? You have more amazing things headed towards you, don't look to the past, look to the future. Don't worry about it too much; you're nice, and generally great person. Don't let these few things change your perspective on yourself. Just query me on IRC if you'd like to talk more.

 

[Annex]

For anything that's a stupid decision like that I simply move on and never do it again. For other unchangeable events I take solace that I am strong within my mind and that the unfortunate event happened to me instead of one who would be permanently torn by it.

 

[SexayMistahBee]

I fill my soul with excitement

[youtube]MApRR38cZoY[/youtube]
Somebody recommended that I watch these vids whenever I was in pain.
After a while, I started dancing, too

When I do so, I don't forget the painful incidents. I keep thinking about them, but the euphoria and joy I feel when I dance greatly overpowers those negative emotions

 

[Got Weed]

I'm in the same boat as you. I really have no control over my thought, often thinking the same stupid thing over and over and over again. Kinda sucks but I just say fuck it, lifes a bitch sometime I'll get over it. There's this thing called classical conditioning. First of all, get a rubberband. Put it around your wrist, and every time you think of one of those thoughts, pull it and snap it. Eventually, you will think less and less about the bad things, and more on the good things. That's classical conditioning at it's finest

 

[Oblivion]

I think it's impossible to forget the bad, Unless you get drunk every night. If your alone somewhere with nothing but your thoughts it will always come back to haunt you. Best way is to just have fun and forget about everything.