- Joined
- Sep 1, 2007
- Sythe Gold
- 690
- Messages
- 6,681
I've got too many moments in my life I regret, and I've made my peace with them, but there are just a few instances in my life that I can't get out of my head, and every time I think about it I wince at how pathetic I must have looked.
The only one I really want to share is the first night I spent with a girl that truly meant the most to me out of everyone I've dated. We were partying with their family, I was belligerent and she was sober. As we were going to our tent where we were going to crash for the night, I was being drug by both her and her stepsister. I asked her step sister if she's have sex with me. I knew that I was only asking her whether she would or not, I wasn't asking if she will. This moment stood out to me ever since as wtf was I thinking, but that's not the worst of it. Next thing I know, I'm puking an entire night's worth of alcohol all over inside the tent. Cool, so now we have to sleep in naste. Not even that was that bad, relatively. What I can't stop thinking about, what makes me cringe every time is the fact that I kept saying over and over, no matter how many times I told myself I need to stop saying, the same thing. I kept whispering through my vomit-smeared face "I wish you would have sex with me"
I've never drank with a girlfriend since then. Ever. The next party we went to she got drunk and I stayed sober, and she avoided me the whole night. We stopped partying together and just spent time alone. Everything seemed fine, neither of us would mention any of it. Then she moved away for college and we decided to end it.
Every time I think of it, I hate myself to no end. She would say how much she didn't care, how it wasn't as bad as I remember it, but I remember every moment of that goddamn night. I knew I should have been blacked out, but I wasn't. I can't even stand it
Soooo point is, do you know of any way to train yourself to stop thinking about something? I know I can't forget it, but I can't make myself change the subject of my thoughts and I'm haunted by the memory for hours after I start thinking about it.
The only one I really want to share is the first night I spent with a girl that truly meant the most to me out of everyone I've dated. We were partying with their family, I was belligerent and she was sober. As we were going to our tent where we were going to crash for the night, I was being drug by both her and her stepsister. I asked her step sister if she's have sex with me. I knew that I was only asking her whether she would or not, I wasn't asking if she will. This moment stood out to me ever since as wtf was I thinking, but that's not the worst of it. Next thing I know, I'm puking an entire night's worth of alcohol all over inside the tent. Cool, so now we have to sleep in naste. Not even that was that bad, relatively. What I can't stop thinking about, what makes me cringe every time is the fact that I kept saying over and over, no matter how many times I told myself I need to stop saying, the same thing. I kept whispering through my vomit-smeared face "I wish you would have sex with me"
I've never drank with a girlfriend since then. Ever. The next party we went to she got drunk and I stayed sober, and she avoided me the whole night. We stopped partying together and just spent time alone. Everything seemed fine, neither of us would mention any of it. Then she moved away for college and we decided to end it.
Every time I think of it, I hate myself to no end. She would say how much she didn't care, how it wasn't as bad as I remember it, but I remember every moment of that goddamn night. I knew I should have been blacked out, but I wasn't. I can't even stand it
Soooo point is, do you know of any way to train yourself to stop thinking about something? I know I can't forget it, but I can't make myself change the subject of my thoughts and I'm haunted by the memory for hours after I start thinking about it.





















