Girlfriend is really insecure about porn

[Unregistered1233]

Hello,

My girlfriend is really insecure about porn. She says that she'll never look like those girls. This sort of came out of nowhere, too. We've been together for 1.5 years and this never came up. I always tell her she's beautiful and I'm very romantic in general, I'm not distant, and my porn watching has not affected our relationship.

Her logic is that if I were to go to watch two people having sex at their house, that she would break up with me, so why is the screen OK. To me that's a crazy exaggeration but I obviously can't say that to her. What can I say to her that will make her see it from my perspective, or to at least understand it?

 

Well obviously she can't look like those girls or have sex like those girls because porn is a totally choreographed, over-dramatic representation of what normal people having sex looks like. Girls are expected to match up to these porn stars *professionally acting* out a guys fantasies, like, it's not realistic bro.

If she doesn't like it, I'm sure you can understand why. If your girlfriend was watching and fantasizing over another dude I'm sure you'd feel a bit put down and inadequate. Even if you say you wouldn't, I'm sure you would feel a tiny bit of envy that you weren't a 7 foot chiselled Greek god that can last all day, lol.

It's a personal preference, some girls might not care, some mind a bit. Relationships are about compromise. It's not a big ask to not watch porn if you guys are getting together now and again. If it's this huge deal breaker that you can't survive without porn to make her happy then maybe you guys won't work out...

 

[Sin666]

I won't belabor the unrealistic expectations aspect, as Roary covered it well.

More than that, though, is that your porn is her boogeyman. If we were still in the age of magazines, it may be different, but the internet has just about any type of kink imaginable with women of every size, age, race, and hair color imaginable. In other words, your ideal sex dream is only ever a search away. For her, it's a reminder that while she's what you have, she's not what you truly want - and that's a harsh blow. Every woman wants to feel desired, and that's not easy when she knows you spend your "alone time" watching someone else.

I don't think I'd ever be fully comfortable with my man watching porn either, but perhaps you can suggest limiting your porn to women who look similar to her (at least in hair color and skin tone, if not build). That way, you can at least (plausibly) be thinking of her while doing it.

On top of that, tell her that you know porn isn't realistic and remind her that you wouldn't choose a woman based solely on looks; rather, whatever qualities you like about her are more important.

The key won't be in debating whether porn is or isn't like actually cheating, but in making her feel more secure with herself and your desire for her.

 

[SmurfingGod]

It's normal to watch porn. Porn is fake, and everything about it is fake. There should be nothing for her to be afraid of.

 

[convuLt]

I lol at people who think what happens in porn can be done in real sex too, well some of them yes but porn is made for men and not for girls, only plenty of girls liked porn.

If she doesn't like you watching porn, then why not just do it?

 

[SofaKingDone]

I think that she feels that she isn't enough for you if you do watch porn. My current gf has sex all the time with me when I'm in the mood because she'd rather do that than have me jack off to porn.

 

The presumption that because you watch "x", means you will do "x" is a flawed argument. There are some guys who like watching rape porn, but does that mean they will go out and rape the next girl? No. Those are unrealistic expectations.

Don't take what she says seriously. She's just talking out of her ass for attention.

 

[Logic]

The most obvious reason is that she is afraid that she will have to up her game. So instead of improving she is thowing out the ultimatum "me or porn, choose".
I'd hint something along the lines "I want more sex" and it doesn't mean that you have to get sweaty all the time, there are also handjob,blowjobs etc. Women don't always understand how much sex a man wants, so explain it to her.

 

[Crescent]

It's normal to watch porn. Porn is fake, and everything about it is fake. There should be nothing for her to be afraid of.

It might be fake, but what's going on isn't. You're still sitting there watching two people have sex. She has every right to be have some issue with him watching porn. I mean, if you've got a women, why watch porn?

 

It might be fake, but what's going on isn't. You're still sitting there watching two people have sex. She has every right to be have some issue with him watching porn. I mean, if you've got a women, why watch porn?

Because my girlfriend has a life and her own schooling to focus on so it's not as simple as "let's have sex". In the summer I go months without watching porn because there's no need but when you're both busy sometimes that's not possible.

 

It might be fake, but what's going on isn't. You're still sitting there watching two people have sex. She has every right to be have some issue with him watching porn. I mean, if you've got a women, why watch porn?

You can say the same thing for a video game. Why watch others play when you have the same game yourself? Both provide stimulant pleasure.

 

[Crescent]

Because my girlfriend has a life and her own schooling to focus on so it's not as simple as "let's have sex". In the summer I go months without watching porn because there's no need but when you're both busy sometimes that's not possible.

That's fine. I meant no disrespect from my post. I've been brought up old fashioned and things like that are frowned upon. Women in general though have a bad time accepting their boyfriend/husband watching porn. I mean nowadays so many people are doing it, and at the end of the day it's their choice what their do in their home, behind closed doors.

I mean, I know my girlfriend would have something to say if I was sitting their watching 2 other people having sex and getting off on it.

Once again, I mean't do disrespect, just voicing my opinion on the subject.

I also can understand alot of you Americans usually have couples who are going to different colleges etc and don't see each other for months or during the summer (don't quote me, I hardly know what I'm talking about).

 

[Edgemaster]

Stop doing it! She feels insecure because you are generating competition! In order to make her feel good about herself, replace the pornography with her. You don't need to be viewing that stuff when you have a girlfriend who is willing to take that place! Be with her instead of your computer and let her fill the niche that erotica held. She just wants to be yours, and your viewing habits are making her feel as though you prefer them over her.

 

[Edgemaster]

I won't belabor the unrealistic expectations aspect, as Roary covered it well.

More than that, though, is that your porn is her boogeyman. If we were still in the age of magazines, it may be different, but the internet has just about any type of kink imaginable with women of every size, age, race, and hair color imaginable. In other words, your ideal sex dream is only ever a search away. For her, it's a reminder that while she's what you have, she's not what you truly want - and that's a harsh blow. Every woman wants to feel desired, and that's not easy when she knows you spend your "alone time" watching someone else.

I don't think I'd ever be fully comfortable with my man watching porn either, but perhaps you can suggest limiting your porn to women who look similar to her (at least in hair color and skin tone, if not build). That way, you can at least (plausibly) be thinking of her while doing it.

On top of that, tell her that you know porn isn't realistic and remind her that you wouldn't choose a woman based solely on looks; rather, whatever qualities you like about her are more important.

The key won't be in debating whether porn is or isn't like actually cheating, but in making her feel more secure with herself and your desire for her.

this this this +1. You need to make her be what you desire, not some skank.

 

I won't belabor the unrealistic expectations aspect, as Roary covered it well.

More than that, though, is that your porn is her boogeyman. If we were still in the age of magazines, it may be different, but the internet has just about any type of kink imaginable with women of every size, age, race, and hair color imaginable. In other words, your ideal sex dream is only ever a search away. For her, it's a reminder that while she's what you have, she's not what you truly want - and that's a harsh blow. Every woman wants to feel desired, and that's not easy when she knows you spend your "alone time" watching someone else.

I don't think I'd ever be fully comfortable with my man watching porn either, but perhaps you can suggest limiting your porn to women who look similar to her (at least in hair color and skin tone, if not build). That way, you can at least (plausibly) be thinking of her while doing it.

On top of that, tell her that you know porn isn't realistic and remind her that you wouldn't choose a woman based solely on looks; rather, whatever qualities you like about her are more important.

The key won't be in debating whether porn is or isn't like actually cheating, but in making her feel more secure with herself and your desire for her.

I agree with most of what you said, to a point. Everything was spot on, but I don't see the watching girls similar to her thing as going over well. Just because you say you wont do or watch something, once the person you said it to is gone how binding is that agreement? You could start off by watching one video similar to her, then see a suggested video with a hot skinny blonde, it's just this once right? wrong

But when it comes to porn and her not being ok with it, you should stop. when you jerk it to other chicks she sees you as not being satisfied with her alone, which is a huge self esteem issue with a lot of people.

If watching porn is such a big deal to you in a relationship that it could potentially ruin it, that's a problem, and it shouldn't be her problem.

 

[Swapalot]

If what she is giving you is good enough you wont need to watch porn sir.

 

[RSPS Trader]

I would say just watch it regardless

 

[Melonss]

Explain it to her lovingly.

 

[Strongjaf]

Tell her not to worry about pornstars, 95% of the things pornstars do is most likely fake anyways.

 

[LeHomer]

Judging from your post, it sounds like she's pretty young. Are you her first boyfriend?