depressed. What to do?

[Neonflux91]

Well basically here's the story. Been out of work for almost 4 years and haven't had even one girlfriend. Yeah I know its sad but I blame it mostly on being shy and insecure. I have also been experiencing some hair loss, which just increased my depression. I wouldn't worry too much about it but my head is semi large. I just always have been the one with great hair. One of the great features about me has always been my hair. 'm also quite a bit overweight which makes matters worse. I just don't feel like I have anything going for myself right now. I just feel like I'm going to end up as a bum or on the streets at this rate. I haven't been looking for work because of the hair loss issue. I just don't like going around anywhere without a cap. If I take it off, I'll just feel people will crack jokes about my head or hairloss. I would like some guidance/ advice on what to do. If anyone can help, it would be much appreciated.

 

[fball56]

Well, I am sorry to hear about your hair loss and lack of job, but your best bet would be to learn to live with it. You can't fix it unless you get a hair transplant which costs money that it doesn't sound like you have, so learn to love it! You can't let yourself be defined by your imperfections and you can't let it hold you back. If shaving it is not an option then make do with what you have.

Confidence is HUGE when you feel this way. Be confident in yourself, believe you can get better and make changes for the good. If people see you without a cap on, be proud of yourself and don't let them see that you're insecure about it. If they do then they will be much more likely to think/say/do stuff mean.

Finally, take all this emotion you have and use it is motivation. Out of a job? Look for one. Overweight? Work out. Hair loss? Embrace it. I know the hair loss one will be tough, but I am shy like you, because of how I feel people look at me, but find myself much happier when I embrace who I am and how look. I am confident and don't let people see I am insecure about myself.

 

How bad is the hair loss? If its bad you can always just shave your head..
As for you think your fat, just go for jogs every now and then and it will help keep you occupied too
As for no job, you can't complain about no having one if you're not looking.

 

Make a list of your issues and fix them one by one. Don't stop until they're all fixed, giving up leads to discouragement which leads to depression. Don't try to fix everything all at once in one shot, because even if you succeed you'll be overwhelmed and might become overstressed which would lead to more hair loss.

As Shoop said, if the hair loss thing is such an issue shave your head.

Here's the order I'd take care of things in:
- Shave your head/learn to be okay with your hair loss
- Lose all, if not most of your overweightness (e.g. if you weigh in at 250, aim for 180 and strive for it...It's very hard work)
- Get a job (if you can't then look into further education in a field that is in demand for workers)
- Get a girlfriend (last because confidence is KEY when it comes to women - If you're happy with your appearance and your life than she'll feel it resonating which makes em all hot n bothered, lol)

I see people give up on their weight loss regimes all the time, because it's really hard work. You think you have an idea of how hard it is? Multiply that by 50. You have to fully change what you eat, what you do, how you do it, and then maintain what you've done.

To give you a bit of an inspiring story, there's this guy I see at the gym all the time who, a few months ago, was OBESE. Like, this guy was probably weighing in around 270 lbs at only 5'9 or so. I see him at the gym all the time, and he's changed a lot. When I think back to the first time I saw him, he looked like he needed some organization in his life. He didn't look healthy at all. But now, after a few solid months of hardcore dedication, he's easily 170-190 now. That's a weight loss of pretty much 100 lbs, which is crazy.

Just a tip before I end my essay (sorry about that, I tend to rant ), become goal-oriented. Set yourself a marker (a date) that you'll have something accomplished by, and set it in STONE. Do not change this date at all, even for something like a funeral. If you can't do your workout one day, then do double the next day, or do it on your off-day instead. Do not take no as an answer from yourself.

If you roll over and give up, then you're going to stay the way you are now for the rest of your life until you do something about it.

Hope that helps

 

[kmjt]

Honestly any decent person wouldn't be cracking jokes about something like that. If they do be glad you never had the pleasure of meeting them. Why not shave your head? Lots of girls prefer shaved heads. Go work out, lose some weight, look like an athlete. At least work out it will make you feel good mentally. I have nothing but respect when I see obese people working out in the gym. I'm sure having a better body would increase your confidence and make you less shy.

 

[idrinkgas]

4 years without a job is crazy, you need to look for one, people don't discriminate against people's looks as long as you are fit for the position. Being insecure about your body may be the reason you are shy/reserved towards other people and I would reccomend the insanity workout or p90x, both work wonders. I have a feeling if you could drop some weight it would help you become less insecure about yourself and would give you motivation to get a job/girlfriend/and could possibly help the hair loss which is probably caused due to stress.