College life?

[The Ract]

I just started college 3 weeks ago, and it's not really going how I'd hoped. Academic wise, i'm doing fine. Socially however, i'm pretty much a loner. The only person I ever do anything with is my roommate, but he's out most of the time. I haven't really met anyone else who I could ask to go to lunch or dinner, or to do something (what even is there to do?)

My college only has around 3500 kids, so it's small as well. I went out the first two weekends to parties and i met some seniors, and if I see them we say hey or whatever, but they're not 'friends'. I've also met a few people in my classes, and then some neighbors from my hall, and if we see each other we'll say what's up or what not.. but again. I never do anything. I sit in my room most of the time.

I don't know what to do. I had the same type of problem in high school, which is why I ended up going to an alternative high school (with 15 kids total, who were all super close)

I've been thinking of transferring to Uconn next year, as I already have some really close friends who go there, and It's closer to home and a lot cheaper since it's in-state. Idk how my parents are gonna react to that, especially this early in the year.

I tried going to an ultimate frisbee practice, as i did enjoy it as a kid, but i was just so unathletic and slow compared to these guys (i'm a small kid, and i look like im 15) I just don't know what to do.
Any suggestions?

 

[Boxur227]

Tough situation.

When I went to college, although it was out of state, the majority of my friends were also attending which made it a bit easier.

The the most important part of school is making yourself sociable when you may not be. Attend extra curricular activities, throw a party, talk to your classmates, etc.

If you sit in your room and complete your work, play games, etc - you're not going to make friends.

My school always had various activities posted all around campus. My friends as I would go to them whenever we had time and it always expanded our variety of opportunities to meet new people. Check your student-hall, see whats going on and participate.

 

I'm the same at uni right now, I'm just chillin' with some dude I shared a group interview with. just bite the bullet and sit next to someone different one day, try to initiate a conversation, even if you just ask about a question or whatever you guys are reading - i'm a hypocrite because i can't do it myself most times but most people probably feel how you do. it's great you've been to a few parties and are applying yourself to extra-curricular activities, keep at it

 

[The Ract]

@Boxur and Roary

Thanks for the responses. I think Roary's right in saying i just need to bite the bullet. Hard as it may be, I think it's necessary. Guess I just gotta find my moment.

Any other input would be great

 

I go to my local university so I don't live on campus so it's different if I don't make a lot of friends I suppose. I have made a few friends but mostly its just my old buddies from high school and a few kids I find interesting to talk to. Kmjt won't even meet up and chill but as for your problem find someone with your same interests which is easy because you're in the same program assuming then ask them to hang out and get to know them on a personal level.

 

[Laptop65]

Well you have to think about what's more important 10 years from now. The fact that you went to college and got a qualification? Or that you socialised with people. Making friends is fun and good yes, but you go to college to work and gain qualification(s), its not a requirement to make friends.

I went to College for two years. Dropped out in the first, and the second. I did make friends in the first year but by the time I had left I came out with absolutely zero friends and police knocking on the door, its a very long story though so I won't be going into that. For the second year I went out on my own at lunch and just generally kept to myself, this way very few people spoke to me unless it was work related.

What do you do at lunch time? I'm assuming your college has a canteen (might be a different name in your country). Go there at lunch, find a group of people and ask if they mind you sitting with them. If you don't talk to anyone, go off on your own at lunch, and just generally keep to yourself, you're unlikely to start talking to people. Or just start talking to whoever you sit next to in class, there's gotta be someone there likes the same games/tv shows whatever that you like.

 

Yeah it sucks. You just have to get out of your comfort zone and make the effort to talk to others some of the advice people above me have posted.

Just remember, others at the college will be in a similar boat to you.

 

[pinky boy]

I recommend joing a school team or one of the clubs. You can meet alot of like minded people through clubs. If your not the athletic type then go to the school fitness center (if they have one) and either ask someone you know or make a friend there to workout with regularly. Everything at first glance is kind of menacing but after you step out your comfort zone you will make progress. Dont transfer to another college with close friends because you need to learn vital social skills that you need in life. Hope i helped bro.

 

[PlaySafeLad]

Pinky Boy thats a very good suggestion.

Unfortunately I'm in high school and don't want to continue with being quite.
I'm hoping to go to gym regularly and build muscle and act more mature in HS.

 

[LoLSmurfin]

In high school, people are forced to hang out with each other. Everyone's in the same building for hours, so being social (at least a bit) is forced on everyone. College is the exact opposite - your free time is yours, and no one else will bother making friends with you if you don't take the initiative yourself.

A great way to start is to find a group of people who you have a common interest with and join up, like Pinky said

 

[FiveBots]

Playing Football, I heard American Football is good for your health
I currently in a school of about 1400 students (That's big in Australia) I don't know how 3500+ students is small...

P.S
Aussie Rules
Is better
Then Football in America


Don't worry, I'm one those people that do have people who hate me and then like me then once again hate me... because i'm annoying...

Just a tip, Try go out with your friend in your room, he may bring you to partys

 

[bluddy_skull]

I got to a large university (33k+ students) so it's been easier to make friends. The way the classes are set up makes it easy, too. You just have to put yourself out there. Talk to them for a bit then ask them for their number. Most people will give you it. You can do this in class or at a party. Then just text them up to hang out some time. Or you can just ask them if they want to study. You'll talk about other stuff while you study and boom, you're in.

 

[kmjt]

I think transferring schools based on your social status would be a mistake. What do you enjoy doing? Whatever it is, do it, and you will probably make friends who share similar interests. If you like working out, go to the gym and make gym friends, etc. If you like gaming, find a LAN party. Don't sweat if you don't make very good friends on residence, almost no one shares similar interests. In my first year in residence almost the whole floor were not really "friends" because everyone was of different culture and didn't share similar interests lol.

 

[Milan1337]

heybud im not in the same situation since im not new to the school, my buddies all graduated but i didn't since i wasn't studying at all, now i have classes with all new peoples i dont know. How i handled it: dont go to class first since people won't sit next to people they dont know most of the time. Just be one of the last and go sit next to someone whos alone aswell. Im sure you are a nice guy and won't have trouble becoming friends just don't push it since people dont like that. If your having friends in class they sure will introduce you etc. Just be patient

Goodluck buddy!

 

[YoungBuck-]

Don't worry man, you're just in there. I am pretty sure you will make some friends. Just be a person who is very social. Talk to everyone in the class, try to sit next to someone who you don't know. Try to go to a sport or other social activities at your college.

Hope that I could help you.

 

[Snow Patrols Slave]

If I were you, I wouldn't transfer back home. Put yourself in a position that makes you uncomfortable (as weird as it sounds). It'll force you to go out and make friends.

I usually make a ton of friends just in class by asking them questions and striking up a conversation. I don't think you're the only one in this position and you might meet some pretty cool people

As for parties, I believe the "friends" that you make are very surface level. Partying is a good way to solidify friendships though so use it as a platform

 

[Mafiaclan]

This is purely natural selection at play. If you continue to let yourself be alone you will inevitably be alone for the rest of your college term. You must force yourself, as hard or awkward as it may seem, to go out and introduce yourself to people.


Make friends, because everyone else going to college is looking for friendship as well and many people are open to giving friendship a shot no matter how unattractive or awkward you are (not saying that you are, but that your appearance and personality dont have as much of an impact as you think).


If you think you're a loner, then you'll be a loner. Your mind and body have a way of being content with whatever you choose to believe in. Try talking to one new person in each class, make some casual conversation before a lecture begins or after classes get out, if there's someone you think is cool walk with them halfway to their next class and just talk about whatever. You don't even have to hit it off with them or make plans for later - just talk and say "alright man see ya later!"

This is good practice.

 

[Galaxy]

This is definitely a tough thing to handle in college. Really the only way to get around it is just taking the initiative to get more involved socially. A very very easy way to do this is simply finding various campus groups that you might be interested in. Also, you don't need to be good at what you want to join. People are always willing to help and you will continue to get better. I played Ultimate Frisbee at an international level but also helped create a school team in high school. The skill range was crazy, but everyone really became close because we all loved playing ultimate! Ultimate Frisbee groups are usually very very accepting people no matter the skill level. Try getting out there again!

 

[rickjames928]

Universities are the best place to meet people in the world, the best thing to do is make a good friend and branch out from there, be friends with that person's friends and create your own circle of friends.

You could also join a class that you enjoy like computer classes, gaming, etc. I wouldn't recommend tho joining anything sports related if you're not athletic, chances are a lot of the people you'd meet there will be very athletic. Also in every class talk with the people you sit next to until you find someone you get along with and see if that person has plans to go to any parties and if you can tag along.