A Soldier's Promise

Blupig · Jan 28, 2011

Just a small poem I wrote while bored in politics, tell me what you guys think

A Soldier's Promise

Once, there were two,
Lovers, mind you,
Whose bond was strong,
Like notes in a song.
He was a fighter,
And she was a writer,
Two opposites in the world,
And together they twirled
In dance, in grace,
In life's true embrace.
One day he left
With her heart in theft,
Straight off to war,
Leaving her sore.
He had left but a note,
Something sweet that he wrote.
It spoke of his return,
For which she'd yearn.
For seven days he was gone,
And on day's seventh dawn,
Here came back to her side,
To make her his bride.
His words were true,
Even through and through
All he had seen,
And all he had been.
The notes became numerous,
It was in fact humourous
Since he'd be back each leave,
His wounds in a weave
Of scars on his soul,
Which, yes, took their toll.
At last, this note,
It was different, I quote,
And hasty at best,
But just like the rest,
He'd be back after war,
And walk through the front door.
It had been days since she heard
So much as a word
From her darling out east,
Overseas to say the least.
Ten knocks of wood,
A man in tears as he stood,
Not the man she knew,
But a man dressed in blue.
He gave her a note,
From inside his coat.
There as she read,
Out loud, she had said:
"To my dearest loved lady,
I'm sorry to send Brady,
The messenger of this news,
To give your heart these slews.
I have passed on in a field,
And in my jacket, revealed,
This note you read now,
Violating our vow.
Once, I had tested you,
If you could live right through,
Being without me for a week.
It is failure you seek,
Instead success you were granted,
As my soul lay here, planted.
I know now you can due,
Living without me with you,
So as this bullet lay in me,
I only hope you can see,
I love you a lot,
And for you, I fought."

- Dan
Click to expand...

Afternoon Delight · Jan 28, 2011

I do not know why, but when I was reading this in my head, I basically sang it like a fairy tale song. Other than that, good job.

Josh0is0here · Jan 28, 2011

Blupig, that was one of the best poems i've read in a long time. I'm not sure if you were following some type of set writing style or just free-styling it. Either way I've save this poem in a word doc.

Punchy · Jan 28, 2011

Very amazing poem man... tons of respect.

angus07 · Jan 28, 2011

nice man, and you did that while you were bored in class?? Impressive!

IRepresentGod · Jan 28, 2011

Publish this to the nws paper I think it's very nice and top 5 of poems I've read.

Wolfdog · Jan 28, 2011

Not bad, I enjoy poetry, especially witty poetry

il0vec0llege · Jan 28, 2011

This is an awesome poem dude its really heart felt

Blupig · Jan 29, 2011

Thanks for the feedback guys, I'm going to probably fix it up and make a good copy, right now some parts don't flow very nicely.

Hahanerd · Jan 29, 2011

That was actually amazing. Get it published dude.

oblivion9032 · Jan 29, 2011

Thats a really beautiful poem and I'm really amazed you just did that when you were bored.

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A Soldier's Promise

BEEF TOILET

Afternoon Delight Member

Josh0is0here Grand Master

Punchy Guru

angus07 Guru

IRepresentGod Member

Wolfdog Untired, we stand. Exhausted, we fall.

il0vec0llege Active Member

BEEF TOILET

oblivion9032 Guru

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A Soldier's Promise

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BEEF TOILET

Afternoon Delight Member

Josh0is0here Grand Master

Punchy Guru

angus07 Guru

IRepresentGod Member

Wolfdog Untired, we stand. Exhausted, we fall.

il0vec0llege Active Member

BEEF TOILET

oblivion9032 Guru