Yeah

Just some shit I wrote in my history class, I do this all the time.

yeah, thinking about will you ever suceed from the dark side and ascend,
when you've got no feeling left it just feels like nothing when your arm overextends,
others don't know whats better but they recommend,
when your at your end, sick of trying to fit in or living pretend,
thoughts of giving up, losing the will to comprehend,
with so many problems but not knowing which to mend,
but really the only thing you depend on is the easing words of your friends,
with a list of hate that expends,
bursting, quenching for that final breath,
looking at the path in which the devil chooses for me next,
at a time when respects,
before the final death of my soul and its not gods to be kept,
eyes constantly wet, had dreams like martin luther king juniour,
making a change like malcom x, here pure emotion no special effects,
enough draining thoughts to make book of text about what to accept of life thats so complex,
thats the main subject,
born living the life of a terrible project, the dance with the devils voice,
has crept, around my throat it controls me flexed, but i let go of my dream, eject ,
left this tissues wet from tears like oral sex..
because im on the edge of falling off the building between decks,
but in the end my hearts left in sections

 

This is... Really bad.

 

Ignore the trolls.

This was actually not bad at all.
I like how you kind of told a story and at the same time the words rhymed well and some of that was actually creative. If you like writing poetry/music like this then good for you. Don't worry about what other poeple say you're alright man.

 

Thankyou, I appreciate some positive feedback.

Also Jeb, I would like to see you try and write anything HALF as decent as me. I'm not promoting myself but I don't see how you can say my work is bad, learn to critique.

 

You say things that don't sound right for the sake of a rhyme. That's more or less my definition of bad writing. "My arm overextends", for example.
You almost made it past line two without sounding stupid... good job. >.>
"Losing the will to comprehend", "easing words of your friends", "Hate that expends", "quenching for that final breath", "controls me flex", "left this tissue wet like tears from oral sex", "building between decks". This sounds so bad I have trouble not thinking you're trolling. Where did you learn English!? Either you don't know what some of these words mean or you just like not making sense...
Where did "at a time of respects" come from? None of this makes any sense or even flows well.



Edit: I'm a bit busy but I'll write a verse sometime this week and link you to it. Here's my newest one to hold you over until then . It's not as "deep" a topic as yours here but I know English and my vernacular and use them to put words together that flow.

 

Thankyou, well I am only 15 and don't know the meaning of all these words to full extent, I know I shouldn't use them without knowing so but I really don't have the time to go study them and the fact that I didn't edit that all of it was off the top of my head.