Why can't I own a canadian?

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

 

hi eric

 

hi ujean.

sry if you're not ujean i get you confused with the other asian.

 

>:l

Let's go over this for the ten millionth time:

TOSHI = IRONBLADE

UJEAN = ME


ffffff

 

i said i was sorry!

 

NOW I AM MAD

 

asians aren't allowed to get mad.

 

Asians don't get mad, They grind!

 

Let us commence a journey into the much travelled topic of owning a canadian. The constantly changing fashionable take on owning a canadian demonstrates the depth of the subject. Remarkably owning a canadian is heralded by shopkeepers and investment bankers alike, leading many to state that spasmodically it returns to create a new passion amongst those who study its history. It is an unfortunate consequence of our civilizations history that owning a canadian is rarely given rational consideration by those most reliant on technology, who are yet to grow accustomed to its disombobulating nature. Though I would rather be in bed I will now examine the primary causes of owning a canadian.

Social Factors

Society is a simple word with a very complex definition. The immortal and indispensable phrase ‘honesty is the best policy’ [1] saw clearly into the human heart. A society without owning a canadian is like a society without knowledge, in that it raises the question 'why?'

When one is faced with people of today a central theme emerges - owning a canadian is either adored or despised, it leaves no one undecided. It is intrinsically linked to adolescent inner acclimatisation.

Economic Factors

Do we critique the markets, or do they in-fact critique us? Of course, owning a canadian fits perfectly into the Watkis-Teeth-Pulling model, a classic economic system of analysis.
Annual
Military
Budget

owning a canadian

There are a number of reasons which may be attributed to this unquestionable correlation. It goes with out saying that the annual military budget cannot sustain this instability for long. Assumptions made by traders have caused uncertainty amongst the private sector.

Political Factors

Modern politics owes much to the animal kingdom. Looking at the spectrum represented by a single political party can be reminiscent of comparing owning a canadian and political feeling.

One quote comes instantly to mind when examining this topic. I mean of course the words of a legend in their own life time, Demetrius Shandy 'Man's greatest enemy is complacency with regards to personal and political hygiene.' [2] This clearly illustrates the primary concern of those involved with owning a canadian. If our political system can be seen as a cake, then owning a canadian makes a good case for being the icing.
Since the Renaissance owning a canadian has become more and more prevalent. May it continue.

Conclusion

In summary, owning a canadian has a special place in the heart of mankind. It establishes order, 'literally' plants seeds for harvest, and is a joy to behold.

As a parting shot here are the words of super-star Stevie Lennon: 'Oooh yeah owning a canadian shoo badaby dooo.' [3]

 

But I Want A Fucking Canadian!

 

The only reason her argument is questionable is because it's from the Old Testament.

1 Cor. 6:9-10 and Rom 1:26-28 would both work just fine.

 

you can own me eric <3

 

my name's eric ffffffffffffffffff
and lol y u mad ujean