Two poems.

[Spy Tab]

I. Shadow of Love

I remember what we have done.
How we held the sky and glazed the sun.
The sky you held; it weighed a tonne.
You and me. My love, how our era had begun.

How you lift me to the sky,
How you cherish me with pride.
You make me feel like I can fly.
My love for you, won't subdivide.

Come home with me my dear,
Together we will multiply.
Alongside each other we will endeavour.
You and I will last forever.

How the sky was so bright.
Our love will burn, but we'll reignite,
How you showed me the sky up above,
My lady, it's the shadow of love.



II. Happiness

An emotion that flows within us is happiness,
It is like an everlasting smile we can suppress.
We heed this feeling beneath us all.
Because in our hearts, happiness stands tall.

Behind a lurking vengeful soul,
Happiness will rise and reveal your control.
Stealing happiness might make you smart,
But true happiness is straight from the heart.

What makes us happy is all but one.
As we run over what we begun,
We choose our lives and how they strive,
Although happiness is what makes us survive.

We live in a world with the flow of time.
Happiness is like a ladder that will help us climb.
As we climb to our hearts, high above.
The true happiness, is the feeling of love.


Comments/Thoughts/How can I improve?

 

[runescapwns]

http://sythril.com/showthread.php?t=8045

 

[Spy Tab]

Yeppers. I am Sparky. Not Literary Artist anymore.

Just so everyone knows Arch is working on that server again. Neosback gave up on it, and Arch picked it up.

 

[Area77]

Kid sent this shit out to me over MSN, and all I can say is you honestly suck. I gave you my opinion and you went off in a rage calling me unintelligent if I don't understand it.

I remember what we have done.
How we held the sky and glazed the sun.
The sky you held; it weighed a tonne.
You and me. My love, how our era had begun.


You said the same line twice, (held the sky)

Glazed the sun makes no sense. It would be grazed. It's clear to me your mind is simple and you're a dumb shit because you use "big" word a stanza.

If you want comments and thoughts, don't fucking get mad like a little bitch when I tell you that you suck. You're a bitch.

/thread

 

[Spy Tab]

Kid sent this shit out to me over MSN, and all I can say is you honestly suck. I gave you my opinion and you went off in a rage calling me unintelligent if I don't understand it.

I remember what we have done.
How we held the sky and glazed the sun.
The sky you held; it weighed a tonne.
You and me. My love, how our era had begun.


You said the same line twice, (held the sky)

Glazed the sun makes no sense. It would be grazed. It's clear to me your mind is simple and you're a dumb shit because you use "big" word a stanza.

If you want comments and thoughts, don't fucking get mad like a little bitch when I tell you that you suck. You're a bitch.

/thread

Wow kiddo. The way you speak shows your unintelligent. You have to cuss and complain like a 3 year old over getting blocked from MSN, grow up? I do appreciate the little opinion you had, but you did not explain why I "suck", but just went on and further showed your immaturity. Thanks for your input nontheless.

Also learn to read? It is the sky you held, and how we held the sky.

 

[gaz095]

I'm not really into poetry, however this is alright. If you want to imporve, look at more styles, and keep an open mind. My ex was into poetry, she wrote me like 50 million poems, each of them made me smile, I know that sounds kinda gay, but I liked it.