Trading IRL Items/Services/ANYTHING for Phat help

NOTE: I am currently waiting for this thread to be looked over/relocated, I realized just recently that I may have put it in the wrong place.

I wasn't sure where to put this, so... yep!
I'm sure people would get pissed if I was offering to ship items out on other forums... so, here I am. =^,^= I'll include my story and reason below this in smaller print.

I'm willing to trade valuable files off of my computer (CD Form if preferred), programs I've written, IRL items that I can find around the house or buy from stores, personal accounts with rares, services, anything you can think of... I'm knowledgeable about the deep web, I can get/help you with pretty much anything, provide you with hands-on computer help... ANYTHING.
At any rate, I'd be willing to do/trade just about anything for steps towards a Phat. I'm not looking for a hand-out, but I'd do just about anything to earn any small contribution.
Discussion of anything that conflicts with Sythe's rules, anything illegal, or sexual on this thread will only hurt me, so if you'd like to inquire about anything along those lines... PM or Email me.

[email protected]

I'm going to mostly spare you the details, but I'd be willing to do just about anything to get my hands on a Phat. I've always wanted one, and I came really close to having one... but I was robbed, essentially.
I had 600m, and I was staking... I was up to 900m, nearly enough for a purple, and I was going for a green, when I was totally raped by a dueling arena glitch! So, one minuet, I was winning a boxing duel, the next... I had lost over $600. The guy's maxed mele account is banned, but he still has my money and many other's... lol. I'm not trying to make a sob story, that's not my style.. I just figured I had a chance to earn it back on Sythe.org.
P.S. If this is any way against the rules, or is in the wrong section.. I sincerely apologize. I tried my best to conform to the rules of the forums, and even read them before I posted this.