Tormented.

[X-GlennyxThexInfested-X]

Tormented.
---------------------------------------------

I am alone physically.
But surrounded mentally.
My brain is no longer in control.
Like my head has a bullet hole.

There is but one enemy.
He will bring the end to me.
He is, my Tormentor.
My foul crosser.

He will not bring my demise.
I refuse to listen to his lies.
I shall stand up for what I covet.
Stand up for what I believe.
Give me time and I will conceive.
And idea to conquer this beast.

The trick was on me.
I have done away with myself.
My tormentor mind raped me.
Made me think he was someone else.
Turns out it was myself.
So now I lay in hell waiting to be liberated.
Forever tormented.

---------------------------------------------


Yeah... Tell me what you think.

 

[Iam Satan]

The rhyming was somewhat clever in some parts but could use some adjustment/embellishment.

Otherwise, the story is a bit too simple. You need to learn to explore but at the same time don't stray too far from your subject.
You're also missing a bit of feeling, I don't get what you were thinking or feeling a whole lot while reading this.

Keep up the work, looking forward to future work by you. You have potential, just put it in the right place.