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[Topical] Ryan vs Unb4nn3d

R

Ryan

Hopeless Romantic

Banned
Joined
Mar 14, 2006
Sythe Gold
56
Messages
2,946
Location
Australia
Topic: Love Is Gone
Bar count: 8 bars / 16 lines
Due Date: Right Now!
Votes to win: 5

Format:

Flow:
Central Idea:
Creativity:
Emotion:
Multies:
Overall:
Click to expand...

There will be no poll, you have to post with that format in order for your vote to be counted.

Thanks,

Ryan
 
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Heart's thumpin in my chest; don't know what went wrong.
All gone in a second. Mothafuckin ding dong.
Cryin, tryin, could swear that I was dyin.
My one last love gone. I'm not sittin here lyin.
Out of my body. Soul gone. Nothin else from here on.
No time for others. Fuck. Life hadn't just begun.
Pushed me out forever. What can I do now?
Can't ever it back. Is it time to say 'Ciao'?
My life. Worthless. Love. Useless.
How could I ever get away from this thing called blackness?
Bear the pain? Fuck. That. It isn't worth it.
Time to call it quits. Gonna cut my wrists.
I have nothing for her! I mean nothing to her!
I cried my heart out, she just slammed the door!
So that's it. That's all I fuckin mean to you?
My love is gone, and my life.. is.. too..
Click to expand...
 
My verse:

Bitch it's too late, you lost it, that tissue can catch your tears,
All these years, I was watchin', but I'm stoppin' that shit here.
Now it's my time to move on, but I still don't know who's to blame,
All those pictures and their memories, I just tossed them into the flames.
You almost fooled me, but I eventually caught you out, you got so close, you bitch,
Throw this ring into the ocean, fuck it off cause it don't mean shit.
Bitch I hope that you slit your wrists, you'll get a taste for how I feel,
You don't know how stupid you sound, when you sit back and tell me to keep it real.
But I'll still be here to catch you, I'm on that edge as well,
And if I fell, I'd take you with me, bitch I've already lived through hell.
So as I sit here in the darkness, as the candle lights my pad,
I put the pen down to this shit, and get out every emotion I had.
All that time that I wasted on you, I'm never gonna get that back,
You know what's sad? Is that I loved you, it's your fault it's this bad.
So as my last words to you, you better keep these ones close,
Lock your doors, don't sleep alone; bitch, you better believe in ghosts.
Click to expand...
 
Can't anyone ever rhyme more than two sentences?
Look up immortal technique, he can rhyme like the whole entire verses you just did.
No offence, but my friend thinks all of you guys are shit, that he can freestyle 10x better stuff. But i can't convince him to join the forums.

Anyway i'd have to go with Ryan. Unbanned's was good, but, the rhymes just seemed forced if you understand what i mean? And i don't listen to much rap so i don't know the technical terms for anything, hence why i just call it rhymes. And Ryan's seemed to have more emotion, like i see what sort of emotion Unbanned was portraying, but Ryan's just seemed to come across so much stronger.

Flow: Ryan
Central Idea: I'd say even.
Creativity:Unbanned (Ryan's was rather mainstream)
Emotion: Ryan
Multies: No idea what that means.
Overall: Ryan
 
Flow: Unb4nn3d (I love that style of flow, fast and fluent)
Central Idea: This has to be equal as the idea is the same
Creativity: Unb4nn3d, I like that kind of rap (fast and fluent)
Emotion: Ryan
Multies: Unb4nn3d
Overall: Unb4nn3d

Both of them were very good, and I think you both should write a song together.
 
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Template = ew. What are we supposed to do with it - 1/10 for each? Comments? Simply Ryan/Unb4nn3d?

Anyway, I have to vote for Ryan overall as well. The flow is much more developed; Unb4nn3d, the rhymes are too forced - lyin and dyin, now and Ciao; you can tell the lyrics were weaved for the rhyme. Instead of just choosing two words and trying to end lines with them, pay attention to the syllable count of each line, and don't shy away from half rhymes - they'll make it sound more natural anyway.

Ryan, there seems to be a contradiction in yours though - you say "I don't know who's to blame," but throughout the rest of it, you clearly blame her. Love the last two lines though.
 
&#8224;Tyson&#8224;;6569345 said:
Can't anyone ever rhyme more than two sentences?
Look up immortal technique, he can rhyme like the whole entire verses you just did.
No offence, but my friend thinks all of you guys are shit, that he can freestyle 10x better stuff. But i can't convince him to join the forums.

Anyway i'd have to go with Ryan. Unbanned's was good, but, the rhymes just seemed forced if you understand what i mean? And i don't listen to much rap so i don't know the technical terms for anything, hence why i just call it rhymes. And Ryan's seemed to have more emotion, like i see what sort of emotion Unbanned was portraying, but Ryan's just seemed to come across so much stronger.

Flow: Ryan
Central Idea: I'd say even.
Creativity:Unbanned (Ryan's was rather mainstream)
Emotion: Ryan
Multies: No idea what that means.
Overall: Ryan
Click to expand...

Multies is exactly what you said, rhyming several of the same word. I know what you're saying but it's not always the best option. Forcing rhymes together sounds bad, so I'd rather steer clear from it, but I do multi sometimes.

Kadaj said:
Flow: Unb4nn3d (I love that style of flow, fast and fluent)
Central Idea: This has to be equal as the idea is the same
Creativity: Unb4nn3d, I like that kind of rap (fast and fluent)
Emotion: Ryan
Multies: Unb4nn3d
Overall: Unb4nn3d

Both of them were very good, and I think you both should write a song together.
Click to expand...

Thanks for voting ^_^

Sin666 said:
Template = ew. What are we supposed to do with it - 1/10 for each? Comments? Simply Ryan/Unb4nn3d?

Anyway, I have to vote for Ryan overall as well. The flow is much more developed; Unb4nn3d, the rhymes are too forced - lyin and dyin, now and Ciao; you can tell the lyrics were weaved for the rhyme. Instead of just choosing two words and trying to end lines with them, pay attention to the syllable count of each line, and don't shy away from half rhymes - they'll make it sound more natural anyway.

Ryan, there seems to be a contradiction in yours though - you say "I don't know who's to blame," but throughout the rest of it, you clearly blame her. Love the last two lines though.
Click to expand...

Thanks for voting ^_^ I can see the contradiction, but I wrote it in < 30 mins, so mistakes are bound to happen xD
 
Don't know much about rap so I'm not sure how much my vote means but:

Flow: Ryan
Central Idea: Unb4nn3d
Creativity: Unb4nn3d
Emotion: Ryan
Multies: Ryan
Overall: Ryan

Ryan's just seemed smoother and more connected, if that makes sense.
 
Solidddd said:
Don't know much about rap so I'm not sure how much my vote means but:

Flow: Ryan
Central Idea: Unb4nn3d
Creativity: Unb4nn3d
Emotion: Ryan
Multies: Ryan
Overall: Ryan

Ryan's just seemed smoother and more connected, if that makes sense.
Click to expand...

Yea, that's fine. Thanks for voting :)
 
We all gonna be like Drake now? Reminiscing bout stupid shit.

Flow: Ryan
Creativity: Ryan
Emotion: Ryan
Multies: Ryan
Overall:Ryan

DYLAN DYLAN DYLAN, RYLAN RYLAN RYLAN

I just wish the topic was realer.
 
Flow: Unb4nn3d
Central Idea: Ryan
Creativity: Unb4nn3d
Emotion: Ryan
Multies: Ryan
Overall: Ryan
 
Flow: unb4nn3d
Central Idea: Unb4nn3d
Creativity: Unb4nn3d
Emotion: unb4nn3d
Multies: unb4nn3d
Overall: unb4nn3d
 
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