Song lyrics # 2 - comments needed.

This is a draft copy, it's not even close to being finished and I wrote this on the top of my head, please check out my other poems and such if you wish.
Rate and comment please everyone, thanks much appreciated.

Questions and answers, blisters and cancer have sown us forever
As we dance in the portrait of what used to be
Caught in all of the short temper and blissfully sway in yesteryear
We paint faces upon our democracy and the people who stand for the fallen; unclean and we stake our faces for pride and happiness as we watch children burn and cry without tears
Swimming in the lake of fire to soak our bodies and make us pure; sticking needles into ourselves hoping we find a cure
We are distant from our own minds, ticking away sand and time.
Stones skipping over waters and trends no long strong enough to hold society clean, the blind can no longer listen to what we have seen.
Digging our graves before our time and we please no one but ourselves, greed and hearsay equalizing tangible wealth
We squander our dreams for the bittersweet lusts and potential that this world has to offer us.
As we ponder drifting downstream and dip our feet in the dust of forgetfulness and the words that bind us; ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
Symphonies dying cold from the media calling out our names and carving the face of fame
Standing by like toy soldiers being played by a child’s hand, swaying and waving in a wayward direction
And cradle the sweet lady liberty of the land like an unfaithful wife with her selfish intentions and sculpting the temptations
Only doing what is right in our eyes of timeless hypocrisy until the grandfather clock can no longer sit his spell and save our souls from truth the moment of truth that we will remember well.
We walk forward into the thorn bushes of persona and image; that we feel only what we see, like a new born baby whose eyes are yet burning from the light
Giving up our nations without a fight
Looking back on a ledge of despair and without care
Then suddenly karma pushes you into the cycle of time
And crowns a worthy king with grey hair
Sleeping silently, no tossing and turning
Silence children, in his bed of never-ending, this teacher is learning
But has no more chalk to cover the concrete walls and the propaganda halls
Please everyone, calm down and take a seat
The story is finally over
Tomorrow is a new day, and we will never admit defeat

 

Wow.
That's really good.
So much better than the crap we hear on the radio now.
We need more artists, less businessmen.

 

It's nothing personal, but I don't like it...Simply because of the kind of poems I read are usually raps.

 

So, you're saying that this isn't good because it's not rap? I thought rap was based off of poetry :S ? I guess Tupac and Immortal Technique were wrong : (

 

Think of it as a rap then, ha. Its meant to be for anyone, vaste and open to all concepts.

 

Gunna write something else soon. Plus, Im still workin on this one here. So yep.

 

Looking for a band or musician to write for.
If you wanna contact me
Add me on msn and we'll talk about this stuff..

 

well i like it... imo

 

ty

 

Its good lyrics but the flow fails. i cant picture someone rapping that maybe in a song, yes but not hip-hop rap.

 

I didn't write it for a rap >.< I don't even rly listen to rap.