My life

Too sum things up in a short manner I grew up in a very rough part of Jacksonville where my best friend was kilt in front of me, from there i suffered from PTSD for years, our family found a better job out of state giving me a chance to start over, things started looking better until one day i fell ill and later found out I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, losing all hope at a normal life it seemed like the end, i still go day by day with nobody really to talk too I don't have much emotions left in me I feel as if I am a sociopath, I've learned to accept my fate, the only thing that hurts is me leaving my family behind. Of course their are places I would love to visit but with a very tight money situation I don't see me getting the opportunity. It's like everything I want to do in life there's something blocking me from it and I am trapped, just looking for some encouragement or looking too see what you guys would do if you were in my position.

 

I am sorry to hear about your disease and another bad experiences you had in your life i can not imagine how heavy it must be to carry with it, and all the storm of thoughts that must be inside your brain.

To be honest i do not think you are a sociopath, since your attitude about getting far from emotions and another people is pretty common in patients with cancer. You must know perfectly that it is made in order to find a way of being disconnect from earthly life and face the reality.

Your time is valuable, so imagining about being in your position i may think: What may be the goal of the life? my personal response about it will resume in "Being happy"

To reach it, i may do things that is under my possibilities and that could make me feel better, happy or enjoy of my life. So you could try to do as much as possible your hobbies, listen your favorite music, try the food you most like, share your time with important people in your life, or whatever you like and that you are able to do.

i will share with you a quote that i like:

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”

I also may think, what's the next? What will happens? so about this i personally believe that all the universe is covered by an omnipresent energy that we call as "god" and that there is part of such powerful energy inside of you and me and in every human being. And once my life ends, my soul will leave this container called "body" and will return to the universal energy called "god"

I hope this help you a bit!

 

I feel for you.

My opinion is that you need to find a professional to talk to, not just people on the internet. If you agree, talk with your primary care physician about therapists. It might take a couple tries to find one you fit with, but it's worth it.

Beyond that advice, all I can say is that the first step to accomplishing something (traveling, accepting life) is believing that it's possible to do. Also you can find a vast community of people online, if you're searching for friends or people to talk to.

 

OP,

I feel for your situation. I couldn't imagine being in that situation or grasp how it is for you. I think you should sit down and think about all the places you'd want to see and work towards one or your favorite. Start getting everything ready for a trip to that location and enjoy it to the fullest. Don't give up on yourself especially if you still have time.

Take care of yourself and find something that does right for you and that you enjoy.

 

If you need someone to talk to, add me on discord.
My mother has had cancer twice, and now has to live with her cancer, so I know the struggle. I have seen it every day assisting her.