How Do I get my Girlfriend to Passionately Make Love to Me?

So I've been with the same girl for 2 years and 9 months today.

But my problem is, all the excitement that we used to have when we made love is gone for her. She seems completely uninterested whenever I do anything sexual or I talk about sex. We don't have sex anymore unless I ask for it or I go out of my way to get her in the mood.

When we're having sex, it's cool. I'm usually on top because she doesn't like doing much work, but I really don't care. She doesn't ever do anything new. We haven't made out (with tongue or a lotta mouth) in what seems like forever. I almost never get head and it's like she has no idea how to please me and would rather not even try.

I feel like it's because she's embarrassed of her body. When we met, she weighed about 100-105 and now she's about 130ish (I don't know exactly, she won't tell me.) She has told me before she's uncomfortable with it and she's always talking about how she thinks she's fat. I make it a point to call her beautiful, pretty, sexy, hot, anything I can think of to make her feel good about the way she looks EVERY DAY, CONSTANTLY. Almost to the point where I feel like it would get annoying to be complimented so much.

Whenever we go our separate ways for class or I go home for the night, I only get a one-armed, half-ass hug unless I ask for a better one or tell her to give me a real hug. Every kiss I get is like a bird peck and only slightly more. She says things like "but I'll see you tomorrow" or "it's only for an hour." But to me, it's not that, it's the principle that we're separating for a period of time and I would like us to treat each other as such.

I hardly get an I Love You unless I say it first or she's having a good day.

She's always angry or frustrated about something. Whenever I point out or ask her why she's doing something or treating me a certain way, she'll use one of her generic excuses such as: I'm tired, It's hot, I'm hungry, My stomach hurts, I don't feel like it right now, or anything else that can change the subject. Whenever I try to talk to her, she starts picking at her face and using strange tones when she has something to say, if I can even get anything out of her. She always says "I don't know" whenever I ask her a question about us.

It used to not be like this. We used to have sex literally every day and multiple times a day. I'd wake up to her grabbing my dick or she'd come over when I was still sleeping and get on top of me. It was fun and I loved it. I just want that back again.

It's not that I'm an overly sensitive guy, it's just that all this shit happening on a regular basis really, I guess, hurts me. I'm sad every time she's not 100% in a good mood. Everything she does differently one day makes me suspicious or jealous. I always think there's more going on than there is or than I know. I can't say it's without reason either. We've wen't through some difficult times in our past, but it's behind us. Basically, the way she treats me only perpetuates those split second thoughts about cheating or breaking up with me into an entire thought process that ends up getting me all worked up and paranoid.

I don't wanna hear we need to take a break because we're at college together, she's mentioned taking a break before, and I don't wanna let her go. It's basically like setting down a baby kitten in a cage full of junkyard dogs. You know the kitten will get eaten alive. Only in this case, the junkyard dogs are college guys and she's the kitten. Getting eaten means sex or getting eaten. I don't want to know that my girlfriend of almost 3 years is out having sex with someone else. That's why I don't want to take a break.

So I guess my questions to you are, or rather what I need help with is, How can I get that spark back into our sex life? How can I make her WANT to initiate sex? How can I make her feel sexy? How can I make her happy when she's always in a bad mood? How can I make her more open to me initiating sex? Halp

 

I think maybe it's 3 things:

Do you take her out to places? Take her out, make her feel special.

Maybe she's bored? Liven things up, like I said before, take her out. Surprise her. Or maybe you forgot her birthday? or some shit.

Maybe she cheated on you and she feels guilty?


Ask her straight up, or just ask her friends.

 

he has cheated on me before and whenever she gets drunk she always calls herself a whore literally nonstop and says she hates herself for it.

We don't really go out much, we're poor college students. But even if I wanted to, I always get the impression it's not good enough. Either that or she'll sit on her phone or facebook the whole time. Unless it's something with her friends, then we both go and I end up getting ignored the whole time because she like forgets I'm there or something.

 

IMO you should do something fun and exciting. A change is as good as a rest when it comes to sex. A little effort and a bit of imagination can go a long way

 

What would you suggest?

 

Well, what has turned her on in the past? What REALLY gets her going?

 

I think this question should be more directed to your girlfriend. Ask her why she's bland and seems uninterested in that area of your relationship. If she gives you a half-assed response, let her know that you are respectively trying everything you can to find that spark and win her. Ask her if she appreciates you and your commitment towards her (since she supposedly cheated on you before). Maybe, find a good day to get out of your normal routine, and take her out somewhere nice. After, it would be nice if you had a plan. Make sure when you get back, she is in a good mood and enjoying herself. When you are back, tell her that you are going to do something special for her and she cannot refuse (nor will she want to). From there, use your imagination. Light some candles, and lay her down on the bed very romantically. Take your time, and make her really remember how much shes misses the sexual chemistry you guys have, and that it never went away. Whatever you do, make sure it is NOT the same old "the usual" routine when you are engaging sexually. Impress her, and open up her mind to newer things you would like to try, and request some ideas from her, too. Communication is key. Good-luck

 

It seems that she has kind of been stuck in her routine for the past few months. Perhaps she's looking to you for some kind of change, something new. I realize that you're not looking to spend money, but have you tried taking her on a little surprise vacation?

EDIT: A no cell phone, no electronic, no connection to the real world type of vacation.

 

I'm an old fart guy, been down this road before. Maybe held on to one like you have now way to long and married her.... ehh.... better figure out what the problem is now before you get married.
Once you have a couple kids with her it gets really complicated. If she got drunk once and cheated on you... I know you don't want to hear it, but chances are pretty good she'll do it again...
I speak from experience. She might be acting the way she is with you, because she doesn't like you any more, but she doesn't want to hurt you and break up with you.
Analyze the situation. She ignores you.. and when you go out with her and her pals she ignores you and is a completely different person when shes with them compared to when its just you and her.

Either she doesn't like you any more or you aren't the only horse that cow girl is riding....... OR>....... OR.... if she's been packing on the weight... is she pregnant? and if so... is she depressed because she doesn't know if it's yours or the guy she got drunk and cheated on you with? ... Is she still seeing the guy she cheated on you with? Questions you might not want to hear, but you should consider them.

If it turns out she's just depressed because she put on weight.. and trust me college can do that ... then ask her to start going on joggs with you.. go for runs, work out or whatever... IF that is what she's really down over she'll respect you even more for being supportive of her desire to be in better shape. Personally I don't think 130 pounds is fat at all, but then my wife has had two kids lol.

I think you need to just flat out ask her and prepare yourself for the possibility of hearing something you don't want to hear, and then be very happy when you hear what you wanted to hear.

I met my wife in college. I know the ins and outs of relationships in college and the parties and the infamous freshman f--k week they seem to have at some universities. I also worked as a volunteer at a crisis center in a college town.. I've possibly heard it all. Also you are absolutely right. While I was dating my wife and she said she needed to take a break.. yea she doinked some other guy... and came crying back to me after. The sucker I am believed her when she said she'd never do it again.. Then after being married for 6 months I find out something she did with my cousin a few weeks before we got married. My cousin felt so bad about it he tried to kill himself and now my uncle blames my wife, and the family I used to know is now disfunctional. If your girl fits this.. I think I'd get away fast and find someone better... and do it before you have kids.

I think the problem may not be with you, but with her. If she's keeping secrets that's a trust issue. If she can't be honest now... when can she be.

There's no magical pill for what you are after. There's something seriously wrong going on here, and either she does or doesn't love you.. As an old country song goes.. "This aint no thinkin thing" its a yes or no thing. I know you might not be a country music fan, but listen to the song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cerrfodYTCo this is where you are. There's a reason she's not into it with you, your options are find out why, or give up on it. How are you going to fix the problem when you don't know what's broken.

Edit to add: By the way. I know its fun to have all kinds of wild sex and all... but wouldn't you rather have someone that's into you just as much as the sex? From experience having sex (even if its multiple times a day) with someone you know doesn't care about you the way you'd rather have her care about you sucks ass after a few years. Some guys would be "oh yea its cool" but I guess I'm just a dope that cares a little differently about the subject than most. It's possible to love her with everything you are, and she not feel the same way and still have the sex you want, and live in a lie. I hope you aren't living in a lie, if you are be prepared for the anti-depressants and counseling, and the over whelming sense of wasted time that you'll never get back.

- The best thing you can do for yourself is find out why. If she's pregnant, be supportive of her and don't insist she have an abortion if you do you will wreck whatever there is between you for good. Chances are you may have a better relationship than you think and she may be dealing with a life changing event on top of going to college.... She may also be waiting for you to pop the question, or for whatever reason not think you care about her the way you used to... who knows.. you just need to find out why..
- If women were a large print open book everyone would be able to read them.


The balls in your court man, good luck. I hope things turn out well for you.
I know your pain and frustration... it sucks. But it might not be as bad as you fear.

 

she sounds like shes not the one for your bro and u minght have to face the fact

does she spontaniously compliment you say nice things and i love you to you??? if she used to and doesnt now have a talk with her and ask her whats changed from when you first started haveing passionate sex

 

I don't want to agree with the 2 above posts, but I think there is lots of truth in them. It seems like she isn't interested anymore, well not as much as before. I know you stated that you don't want to break up or anything along the lines, but really, I would re-think that. You are afraid that if you do take a break, she will have sex with other guys. Do you want to live with this fear for the rest of your life, if lets say the two of you do stay and you get married. It seems that she means a lot to you, and Im not sure if she feels that way back, maybe not as passionately as you feel about her. If you fully cannot trust her, that isn't good. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship and be worried from time to time about my partner not being faithful to me. My suggestion is to sit down with her, tell her what's on your mind, and be willing to take a break. If she really cares about you, you two will talk it out, or, if she still likes you but needs to be alone for a bit, she will want a break and hopefully comeback. If this isn't the advice you are looking for I'm sorry, but that's as much as I can help you.

 

To be honest it sounds like a failing relationship... either that or she's cheating on you. From reading your post it seems like she's loosing interest in you. I think you guys should take a break, maybe an extended break.. That will tell for sure if you need to break up or not.

Sorry if my post sounds mean or anything... I know I'd be dammed if my boyfriend ignored me on the daily.

 

Honestly, coming from a girl's perspective, you sound way too good for whatever this girl has turned into. Maybe not originally but presently. You sound really attached, but I feel like you need to find someone who would never ignore you because actually "being" with you is what makes your relationship a relationship. Someone who would better appreciate you and how much you care. I know I would.

 

You're setting yourself up for a life of absolute misery. You're scared she's going to go out and meet other guys, so you're holding onto a relationship that makes you unhappy. What a horrible way to live.

The reason you have gotten here in the first place is because you feel she is obviously better than you. This is not a problem of her loving you, this is a problem of you loving yourself (lame as that sounds). You think you're not good enough for her, you think that once you guys break up you won't find someone else and she will. Guess what, when you feel that way about yourself, other people do too!

Too often in relationships people basically exit from regular society and just put all the pressure on the other person. The fact is you are still responsible for your own happiness, and by putting that load on the relationship, you kill it. It seems like things are so broken right now the only answer is to get out. Show her you are a man, you have some balls, you can live without her. You have this misconception that after 2 years it's her job to be attracted to you, because she's in a relationship with you. Wrong. The reason she was attracted to you so much at the start was because you were obviously more independent and had more spark.

Do yourself a favour and stop being such a wuss. There are 3+ Billion girls out there, if you think you found the only one of them that you can enjoy life with, you're delusional.

 

Harsh, but true.

You need to talk to her and hash out everything that's on your mind right now, bud. There's no point in being in a relationship that doesn't work. Yes, it will suck being on your own if it comes to that, but it'll only suck for a while. Then you'll meet new girls- different kinds of girls- and your perception of the girl you used to have will change. There's, as R2 put it, billions of girls out there in the world. She is not the only one that can make you happy, I promise.

 

I have to agree with what R2P said. your setting yourself up for a sad life as of now

I know it will hurt but she can't be the girl for you. haha this is kind of what marriage is like right? think everything is all fine and dandy for the first 6 months then it dies out after that.

there are 4billion + girls in this world and there is 1 who will love you more then the one you have does. its just a matter of u going out of ur way to find it man.

 

You my friend have given the best advice I have ever read on this site.

You really left me speechless to the point were I don't know what to write in this post....

 

If I were you, I'd do a bit of research. Sounds to me like she's cheating on you again. Don't be blatantly obvious about it, but if she's got *******/dailybooth/tumblr/facebook/whatever else, read what people have posted on her wall/what she has posted. You'll never get a straight answer from her unless you manage to convince her you're legitimately concerned, so you'll have to find it yourself.

If you've got a mutual friend, preferably a girl since they tend to be more open, ask them what your girlfriend has been like/has told them about you recently.

Instead of looking to spice up the sex life, I'd be looking into why it's gotten to be dull. Maybe from there you'll be able to find a solution.

 

I agree.

Be the fucking boss, grow a sack, man up, and stop complimenting her all the time. Women love attention but they LOVE a cocky man to have sex with as well. They say the hate being ignored, but they really love it. Don't talk to her most of the day and see if she tries to contact you, if she doesn't try then well you should move on.
Maybe she wants you to call her a whore in bed? Take her out to the bars, get drunk with some friends, get a pledge or a taxi to drive you home and pin her up against the wall, pull her hands above her head, make out with her, and you know how to do the rest. Just be aggressive in situations that call for it.

Yes I am THAT cocky frat kid in college. I'm not super ripped, ridiculously rich, famous, or any of that shit, but I know and understand how to turn a women on by just being an asshole. Yeah it doesn't work ALL the time, but what honestly does?

If you really need something that will turn a women on, you can pm me for further help. Just give shit a try and be fucking confident.