Small Essay Needs Correcting Etc.

[arevalo2k]

Hey guys,

I know this sounds very dumb, but I made a very small essay for school, about communism, and I need some people to edit, spellcheck and just rephrase things if they so not sound right. I also need an effective way to conclude the brief oral presentation.

here it is. if you wish to edit, put it in quote tags.

here it is, and once again thank you very much

Communism - Draft



Communism - it is a political theory that advocates elimination of private property; it’s a system where goods are all owned in common and are available to all as needed. So, what does that mean? Is it the best kind of government? Is it the worst? [proceed to greet, etc etc]

Before I get any further into this topic, I am going to give you the most unbiased and straightforward definition possible. Communism, is a socioeconomic structure, meaning that it is the uses the relationship of economic activity and social life. The practice of communism is intended for the best interest of the economy. Communism implements a classless society. Classless society? It means a government or country in which there is no particular class in people; everybody is the same. Communism works well in either a poor country, like Cuba, because it can be the most fair of people, because everyone can be the same in income rates, and there will not be a huge line separating the very poor, and the very rich.

But, how can communism be the best kind of government? Well, it really depends on the country and its economic, and social situation. Cuba, for example, is a small and poor country. Their leader, Fidel Castro made their country so successful for a communism because the exploitation of the economy. Cuba is a primarily a agricultural country. So, in the time period for 1981 to 1985, Cuba’s GDP averaged 7.3% due to mainly increased sugar production. About 80% of Cubans are employed by the state, which proves to be a very powerful economy for such a small country. Jobs can pay anywhere from 250 to 500 pesos. This sounds terrible, since that is only 10 to 20 dollars. However, with their government, education, medical care, housing and other public services are free or highly subsidized, and there are no taxes on public jobs.

Communism isn’t always the best government, although it can be successful. An instance of rather bad, or unecessassary power in rulership of a country is present-day China. Communism in China is largely influenced by a man named Mao Zedong. Mao was a poorly educated man, however he was highly intelligent. Communism in China is very harsh, because you are not entitled to your own opinion. By this, I mean, you can't express what you feel or your opinion without being liable of punishment. For example, in 1989, many hundreds of civilians were shot dead by their own army to hault a democratic protest. Since there aren't rights of freedom of speech or anything that constitues towards that, the government may do whatever they please to their people.

This is a very heavy and contriversial subject, therefore I cannot come towards a conclusion if communism is a good or bad government. There are many points that can prove communism as a good government, and many that might point to it being a bad government. Communism, for one has the same standard for everyone, there isn't much crime since laws are strictly enforced, which can go even as far as being executed for a small crime, which you might not even be guilty of! It can also be ideal because an exelent education can be easily obtained; education is free. But on the negative side, communism focuses too much on the group, rather than the individual. The most problematic is that you have no personal freedoms. This means that many basic rights a human has in a country such as the United Kingdom. In most communist countries, you have no freedom of speech, meaning you cannot express yourself or give your opinion and sharing with others without having the risk of severe punishment, racking anywhere from prison for a week or a harsh execution.






[undecidable conclusion]

 

[OldFinn]

Communism - it is a political theory that advocates elimination of private property

Absolutely, but as a fundamental incorporation, you should also state that it advocates collectivisation instead.

;

A dash should be used here - not a semi colon.

Before I get any further into this topic, I am going to give you the most unbiased and straightforward definition possible.

You've already done so in the above line. That was the definition of communism. Rather than repeating yourself, perhaps give an example of a current and past communist country.

Communism, is a socioeconomic structure

No comma.

meaning that it is the uses the relationship of economic activity and social life.

Too obscure. Develop your point.

The practice of communism is intended for the best interest of the economy.

That's utterly fallacious. What you are describing would be capitalism. Communism is not a 'practice', either. It is an ideology.

But, how can communism be the best kind of government? Well, it really

depends on the country and its economic, and social situation.

A practical improvement would be: ''Depends on a country's socio-economic aspects.''

Cuba, for example, is a small and poor country. Their leader, Fidel Castro made their country so successful for a communism

''A communism'' does not make sense.

Cuba is a primarily a agricultural country.

An*.

So, in the time period for 1981 to 1985

From 1981 to 1985*.

Jobs can pay anywhere from 250 to 500 pesos. This sounds terrible, since that is only 10 to 20 dollars.

Per hour, per month, per annum? Be specific.

This is a very heavy and contriversial subject

Controversial*.

I cannot come towards a conclusion if communism is a good or bad government.

.. Towards a conclusion as to whether a communist state is a good or bad one.

There are many points that can prove communism as a good government, and many that might point to it being a bad government.

Yes, there certainly are, and you haven't listed enough.

Communism, for one has the same standard for everyone, there isn't much crime since laws are strictly enforced

Communism has the same standards for everyone. There isn't a lot of crime, either, as laws are generally strictly enforced in communist countries. (Give an example - don't make generalizations).

It can also be ideal because an exelent education can be easily obtained; education is free.

Excellent*.
Incorrect use of semi colon. Use a dash instead.

racking anywhere from prison for a week or a harsh execution.

Perhaps 'ranging from week-long incarceration to execution.'

As a conclusive summary, I think you lack a lot of information and development of your points. Give extended examples, too.