Rough time in my life

Hello. I'm Joana and I'm new here. I'm been having some personal problems on the last few months and I'm looking for some advice on how to get over them.

Around one year ago me and my ex-boyfriend (who was my first boyfriend, despite me being 17 years old) broke up after only being together for 2 months. In that 2 months, we were only together twice, as he was always making excuses for not being with me, and a couple of weeks after he broke up with me, I found him and another girl who he told me that they were only friends, hooking up after classes on our school.

I deeply loved him and I still feel attracted to him despite all the time that has passed and all the things he did to me.

Now I can't seem to be able to forget him, but I think that is because I can't find anyone else to replace him. I'm not a bad looking girl it's just I'm pretty shy and although I have a couple of good guy friends I don't have the courage to talk to them via text message or at school if they don't talk to me first. I can't come up with a good excuse for texting them and because of that I just don't do it.

What I would like would be some help on how to get over my shyness and to finally completely forget my ex.

Thank you, Joana.

 

Well for starters, I think the reason you can't forget him is:a. he was your first, and b:you saw him so little that you "craved" for him (for lack of a better word) trust me once you find someone new you will completely forget about him...and for the shyness part I can relate(also very shy and 16 but am a boy)and I think it will gradually change over time, maybe when in college,or as you move on in life but I think it mainly has to do with thinking you cannot be yourself around these "people",key is to be yourself and hope others like who "you" really are.

Best of luck.

If you need any more advice or if I can help in any way add my msn:
[email protected]

 

Thank you for your advice. I am always myself and I am always gonna be. I do want to make myself lose a part of the shyness I got. It makes it a lot harder to be a social person and complicates my love life by a lot. Does anyone have any idea of how to start a conversation via text message or just with someone? Only theme I can think of is school and that's the last anything any boy would want to talk about after a full day of school >_<

 

I can't give tones if advice on this as I am not a female that has experienced this.
But I can give you confidence tips, first off it's not hard to approach someone, just say "hi, how are you?" (but in a way that you would say it) the same with texts if you have nothing to say just text them saying "booorreedd wat you up to?" they will tell you and you can start the conversation from there.

 

Well, honestly, I have some pretty good advice for this (I just went through the near exact same thing about 11 months ago, except I was with a girl)... But in all honesty, I'm just too physically drained to type it out right now... if you really wanted to, you could pm me for advice and I'd give you my msn or something. Good luck on this, I know how much it hurts :/

 

Thank you for the advices. It's just I don't have the courage to just message some guy that I know for a while and who I'm friends with for a lot of time and suddenly, out of nowhere, send them a message. I think it makes it obvious that I'm trying to make a move.

I'll send you a PM. Thanks


Also thanks to Season for the advice he sent me through PM

 

No problem, I am glad I could help

 

My girlfriend of 3 and a half years broke up with me two months ago.. She slept with someone else a couple of weeks after. And has been together with them for about a month.

I feel your pain, only worse. The world doesnt end.

Also, keep your shyness completely, boys will find it attractive at first. BUT, when you start talking to a boy a lot try too lose it, but just with them. I would definitely dig a chick who did that.

And yeah, conversations, especially via text, are pretty easy to start.. Just talk abut anything, ask them what they're doing, how their weekend was.. Anything.

 

Thank you for the advices. I'm going to try and start texting more often. I need to start thinking less and acting a lot more

 

Well you could always say to them something on the lines of "Hey, I haven't ever text you so I thought I would give you a text, wat are you up to?"

Also if you text someone out of the blue after never texting them before they are not going to confront you about it the next day, if a girl I hardly speak to text me I would ask her why she text me.

 

The thing is he was you first boyfriend and you rarely seen him so its only normal for you to lust for him this much .

Now as for the shy part goes a lot of guys are shy to so its probably just as hard for them as it is for you ..If you need more help just PM me

 

Text someone saying "Hey loser" or something like that to break the ice and then if they have any sense of humor at all they will reply back with something similar and then you can ask them whats up and so on. Hope this helps. If you need more advice, pm me.

 

Thank you everyone for the advices. I'll try my best to put them in practice

 

You shouldn't need to feel asking them for their number or chatting to them in school is a challenge or a risk. If you think it's right and you want to spend more time with them, do it.

Ever heard these quotes?:

If someone wants to be a part of your life, then they'll make an effort to be in it.

Don't stress over people in your past. There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

Honestly, make an effort to be in someone's life and you'll be happy, don't worry or look back on people who don't respect you or treat you well.

Good luck.

 

You are still young, as am I, and can say that being concerned of being in a relationship will only distract you of more important goals in life. You still have school to finish, possibly College thereafter, obtaining a job, and many more goals some would wish to accomplish. Having a relationship tied in (especially if there are problems) will add complication, sometimes depressing, and take back from the motivation of pressing forward.

There's a guy out there for you, and if you truly care for him and offer your heart, if he was a true guy he'd accept it. There's plenty of time, plenty of places to explore, and plenty of guys out there. You are your soul mate will find one another in time, but it's a question of whether you're willing to wait or not.

Now, it's not wrong or bad to try having certain relationships, but don't push yourself to the extent that it's hurting yourself.

Good luck.