Rate this rap.

I'm a foreign identity,
A cynical entity,
I'm the epitome of rage,
An animal set free from a cage,
I'm here to make a name,
Be number 1 in the game,
Show all you suckaz,
Sincerely that I don't give a fuck,
Sinister thought,
Making you forget all you were taught,
Lost within the verse,
My words remain a curse,
Listen to my verbal wizardry,
My life unfathomble mystery,
I'm the lyrical magician,
Set out on my mission.

Will add more whenever I get around to it for now good night

 

If I had to find critique, or a way to summarise
You need some more vocabulary, be a little wise
Your language, it's too basic, atleast try do this with style
You gave a 12 year old a keyboard, the words are far too juvenile
Theres an awful lot of stuff in there that's bland and way too plain
Or is there only space for one syllable words inside your brain?
Pick your self a topic, don't be so boring and generic
Sick of hearing people tell me how "suckaz is gonna get it"
It also takes a lot more wit, to come up with decent punch lines
heard about "people coming into the game" just way to many times
Don't get me wrong if you wanna be lil wayne you're doing a great job
Just figured you'd rather be decent and not look like sythes biggest knob
So if you cba to read this, ill give you the TLDR Mr Trader
Put as nicely as I can, you have the language of a 4th grader.

 

experiment with different rhyming structures and learn to put your point across with more simple and direct vocabulary. it seems that you're just using words that are easy to rhyme for the sake of it.

you should research some famous poetic techniques

 

Best.
Post.
Ever.


:laugh: