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My Rap Lyrics

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Xix

Xix

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All of these lyrics have been done, over a long period of time,
they were all done in school, whenever I was bored that is.
Please read them, and take some time to rate them, and tell
me what you think. ^_^

She makes me loose it and get weak
Somehow I always seem to find some beauty in this beast
Im foolish and Im cheap
Damn I hate what Ive become
This regretful aftertaste is in my tongue wanna run
Why I do it? no excuses, I repeat
Dude, this bitch is even cuter when she weeps
Screw it, do me girl undo me from this leash (shhhhh)
I hate you darling your voice is awful
Its so sweet I even hear you calling Call Me in my sleep
My heart just skipped a beat how you figure
Her figures shaped like a figure 8
Committed to break my commitment with everything thats great wait
Parasitic gets in my skin and veins
This bloodsucker got me all stuck in her little games
And I know it might sound stupid
But she tells me to turn the lights out right now I wont fight, Ill do it
Cuz man Im tempted
I get soft when this broad says shes feelin lost
But I bet shes got her fingers crossed when shes telling me
 
It was good, the only thing I could suggest is dont use to much rhyme. For example you rhymed off an I sound for fourteen lines. Try to shorten down to 3-5 lines.
 
juvenilepunk said:
It was good, the only thing I could suggest is dont use to much rhyme. For example you rhymed off an I sound for fourteen lines. Try to shorten down to 3-5 lines.
Click to expand...
Agreed. Also, while rhyming you want to cut out as many fillers as possible like "They did, she was, he was, if it, we did" to make it as smooth as possible.

While rhyming there has to be as much variation as possible
 
I wouldn't consider this a "rap"

You have a good sense of rhyme, but your lyrics are nonsense. Some short story after another short story, try writing a story as a whole.

You have to talent in it to do good, you just need a change in method.
 
Pretty much what everyone else said, though your use of different lengths of lines is good.

Keep it up. ;)
 
Inventor419 said:
Agreed. Also, while rhyming you want to cut out as many fillers as possible like "They did, she was, he was, if it, we did" to make it as smooth as possible.

While rhyming there has to be as much variation as possible
Click to expand...

Agreed, try and make it sound like 2 lines sound like 1. Good though, well done.
 
wow you are a homo for even tryin to get away with that haha fucking scrub copying shit
 
He edited his first post with stolen lyrics, and putted next one...
All these lyrics can be found here : http://armenianrap.net/id75.html
The same artist as before.

Why are you so retarted, and try to steal other people work? Get life kid, and do something on your own.
 
That's seriously about as low as someone can get

Don't take someone's material, claim it as your own, and then have the nerve to edit it and cover it up
 
Wow, ripping one set of lyrics is bad, but then after being caught you change your post with some more ripped lyrics?
 
I like it all, the quality of the words in there were 100 Times better then most rappers out there, that are making money off their beats not off their words.

People like :

Swizz beatz
Rick Ross
Ace Hood
Souljia Boy

And all of those other fakes...

your lyrics would sound great if they were sang by a R & B Singer.

Good job.
 
Stop saying how nice these lyrics are, and good job - he RIPPED ALL OF THESE LYRICS...
 
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