My personal poem.~

While i wither away in life,
I look into your eyes,
but see nothing there.
What happened to the love,
that we use to share?
I reach out for your hand,
and it feels so cold.
What happened to the warmth,
that it use to hold.
I never thought a love,
like ours would ever die.
I never thought you,
could ever make me cry.
It use to be so special,
like a dream come true.
You were the one for me,
and I was the one for you.
Now things have changed,
we've fallen apart.
You're not the same person,
that once touched my heart.
Don't say you need time,
cause time is all we had.
I'm tired of being hurt,
and feeling so sad.
There's nothing left to do,
but go our own way.
The question of when i would die,
will be answered in times.

 

its deep i like it . make it into a song

 

i suck tho DL

 

Your rhyming scheme is off. Your vocabulary is small. If you increase your vocab, the poem would sound more professional. The rhyming scheme was a turn of in the poem, because I would read one section, and then read the next, and it didn't fit together properly. You use of comma's was incorrect, and I would also reccomend dividing the poem in to stanza's.

Just my thoughts.

Sorry if you think I am being harsh.

On the up side, the words did fall in to place, and I could understand what you ment.

 

thanks for the advice yeh it suppose to be free structure poetry and yeh i understand what you mean :s

 

nice poem dude ...... :idea:


keep it up ...


i really liked it very much ...................

 

Really a very powerful piece this is ....love to read this .




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