Personally I think it is way too cluttered, there are too many renders used and they really don't blend too well/fit in with the background. The minus effect of the girls in the second one looks kinda cool, but then the scattering of the effects at random it seems kind of ruins it for me.
Like the idea of a more abstract piece, but not even really a focal point, there are like 3+. Try to use that style, but not so cluttered, will look much better.