How To Return You Earlobes To Normal-ish

I KO I · Dec 8, 2012

So, you must be tired of the ugly ass looking earlobes and regret the idea of every stretching your earlobes because you can't find a job that pays over minimum wage at the corner gas station.

Have no fear! I will teach you how to stop looking like those African/Brazilian tribe members and return you to society! Remember, we all get old, and having saggy earlobes when you're 60 isn't going to look cool anymore, even though it never di--

Step 1.

Take that nasty looking earlobe that you regret having stretched out and cut the shit out of it with some regular scissors that are probably going to infect your ear! But have no fear! I'll make another guide about disinfecting the wound.

Step 2.

You'll notice that your household scissors aren't sharp enough to cut through BOTH sides of the lobe, so you'll have one long, dangly lobe. Make sure to clean the wound and stop the bleeding so you can see what you're cutting.

Step 3.

Show off that badass new ear that you can proudly flaunt in public! You'll probably notice that it won't look 100% normal as it did before, but that's alright. Just say you took a shot in a football game and that your helmet ripped off part of your ear like Joe Flacco. Hell, it's better saving yourself the embarrassment of saying you were so nieve to think stretched ears lobes would ever look good.

Step 4.

Post a before and after picture and happily stroll down the street without people giving you weird looks and head straight for your dad's house so that he can reinitiate you into the family!

Now about those tattoos that mean nothing to me...