How does one love himself?

[crappyyy]

this is quite a mainstream question but it's one i haven't yet found the answer to myself. going through life with several disorders as a 25 year old man i'm still wondering how to proceed. i've never had a relationship, nor became anywhere near intimidate with a girl. several users on this forum know me on a close level hence why im posting this anonymously. i'm having no success either in life or in internet dating since my social anxiety literally prevents me from making contact with people, other than eye contact. surely by getting older you'll grow over several fears, but it still doesn't get me where i want to be.

Aside of that ofcourse im not really fond of small talk so there's also that. i suck at talking about the regular stuff such as the weather, or anything else that we see at the daily basis.

either way, back to the question here is that i wonder how one actually loves himself. it's not really that i disgust myself, but i do appreciate a whole lot of other people and quite often i wish i was in someone else's shoes. but, to be loved you must love yourself first - or that is atleast what others tell me: "love yourself first, then others will follow" so my question here is when does one actually determine when he loves himself? when do you love yourself? and when can you be sure others will follow?

lmk!

 

Don't pretend to be someone else, that is the key to loving yourself. At the end of the day you and only you has to take initiative when it comes to social interaction, it’ll take some time and courage. What is the worst thing that could happen? Think of it that way. Good luck.

 

^ as my man said Just be yourself fam. Find yourself something to do that you like init then just talk to people about that thing simple.
I had no balls talking to women years ago and my boi said what's the worst that could happen init they say no? Big whoop onto the next one? Just use it as practice eventually you won't give a crap. Goodluck my guy

 

[I hid waldo]

To love yourself you have to find what makes you happy in life.
Regardless of how it makes others feel, because as humans we hate to see happiness in others.
Im not saying if killing people makes you happy do that, if thats the case seek help immediately.
Im saying, if youre happy with what youre doing. Loving yourself will follow along with it.

And dont worry about social life and having a relationship, its not all its cracked up to be.
Statistics say, nowadays anyways, 68% of world population havnt even thought of finding someone else to live through life with.

Moral of the story my brother,
BE YOU AND YOU WILL LOVE YOU

 

[Syfiends]

I am your age and 2 years ago i was also depressed and anxious, but through constant meditation , self help books and a bit of counseling i managed come out of that deep existential hole i had put myself into. I still get social anxiety every now and then but i can now get myself out of that negative loop easily now).

Here are some of the things that help me stay in balance:

First step is to embrace who you are, find what is what you would like to achieve with your life and start/continue to do that.
Remember that you could die tomorrow, it takes courage but work slowly on the things that make you feel insecure about yourself.

Work on your social skills. Go out and work on your small talk, it can lead to very interesting conversations too.

Also, SMILE MORE. This one does wonders when interacting with people, generally the act of you smiling will not only boost your serotonin levels but also other people's which will help you get conversations flowing and create an overall pleasant mood for everyone involved. Standing straight also really helps with that confidence boost.

Remember that other people are just as flawed as you and generally everyone else feels as lost and confused as you at your age. Nobody knows the absolute truth about anything and anyone who claims so can be ignored.

Don't be scared to say what you think and feel, there are no wrong answers. If someone ever has something bad to say about you they're just projecting their own insecurities onto you. take things with a grain of salt and learn to forgive. Everyone fucks up every now and then and negative feelings about other people don't lead to anything beneficial for you. Of course try to not say offensive things or act like something you're not but be conscious that if you do fuck up it's ok and people will generally forgive you.

Be generous and learn how to give. (this can take many forms, whether it's advice or a compliment).

You'll soon realize that when you focus on giving some sort value to others, that same value will come back to you in one way or another. This is some sort of universal law

Don't stress too much about women either, women are natural selectors and their job is to pick a suitable mate to reproduce. Keep improving yourself and eventually girls will start chasing you. If they're not doing it then you're not working hard enough and it means you should take the next step in your career or focus on becoming healthier and fitter.

Also, Another thing that worked for me was to turn to spiritualism ( which i used to think was a lot of bull*) but i have come to rationalize and understand what God means and how its a transcendental idea that when put into practice can guide you through any situation in life. Might be worth to explore to see if it is your thing as well.

I hope that any of the advice which has helped me recently is beneficial to you, if you ever need to talk about something feel free to hit me up man.

Godspeed,

 

[norfwest]

Man, I hear you. I find it hard to love myself because I know all my faults ... all the empty promises I tell myself ... all the indiscretions ... all the unfulfilled. It's like, sure, I know good things too. All the helping hands I offer, the smiles I make, the growth I've experienced. I feel like, when I love myself, I have to hate too. I'm not being genuine if I just love myself. But on the flip, I'm not being genuine if I don't love myself. I think what's important is, regardless of whether the feeling is positive or negative, to accept it. Accept the disappointment and the pride. I need to work on just accepting myself, so that others can accept me. So that I can shine a light on myself in order to see the real me. And for others to see the real me. The thoughts in this thread are great. You're asking the right questions. As far as social anxiety goes, increasing acceptance of your present self & the moment around you will do wonders. Like Syfiends says, look into meditation. A central tenant of mindfulness-based meditation is acceptance of the present moment (including yourself, your breathing, your thoughts, etc.). When others see that you accept yourself, they'll do the same.

 

mainstream question indeed but very important. truth of the matter is, only you can answer that question. what makes you....you? do things that make you happy, such as your favorite hobby. or maybe explore different hobbies (as like-kind hobbies usually brings two people together at some point). despite what anyone thinks, you are in control of your happiness.

here is a few things you can try:

1. improve your mindset on how you view yourself. don't be so hard on yourself, you are in control so try your best to negate any negative beliefs about yourself.
2. try making a new routine or plan to deal with negativity. basically, rewrite a more optimistic plan to overcome the 'haters' instead of taking it to a personal level and getting offended or defensive. (I currently have this issue as I feel as though I make emotional based decisions sometimes to counteract something that really hurt my dignity, obviously in life and not Sythe)
3. give yourself some positive affirmations through the day. talk to yourself (not in the crazy way lol) and just pump yourself up. when my work day is stressful as hell, in my head im like "light work man, you got this!" or "dude, you are a smart professional guy and nobody can change that!"
4. meditation and self reflection. many think this is overrated, but take the time to just think about positivity in life and good things will come your way. you'll realize that you are doing you and you are living a healthy positive life.

as far as the dating thing goes, don't let that get you down or be a main priority in life. Your priority should be you, always you and nothing else than you until that time really comes. woman/men/other are attracted to people who have confidence in being themselves.

 

[Nightwolf]

Try setting goals for your self even small ones and achieving them you'll start to feel better about yourself

 

[tehRonskie]

Learn how to be happy even if you're just all by yourself. No one wants to love you if you can't even love your self. If you don't have any hobbies/interest, get into one.

 

[REDYFREDDY]

Forgive your self and understand that no one is perfect.

 

[Mukla]

Work out how to improve instead of doing the same things over and over again. Without any goals, challenges or experiences in your life, you will never truly learn and get to know your real self. Find out what you like in life and keep exploring the world. The options are endless!!!

 

[gaargzy]

A rather difficult question, I think everyone comes to self-knowledge in their own way, there are no life hacks and instructions. It seems to me that it is not necessary to love yourself, it is enough to accept yourself as you are. At the expense of relations, it may be worth continuing to communicate with girls, at least online on sites like this Ulust.Com, in order to learn how to communicate on all these everyday topics.

 

[framedrsps]

Find what makes you happy in life.