Hitting your kids

[Emperor Nero]

I'm assuming you've not got kids or looked after one for a long time period.

I agree with Roary here. Minor negative reinforcement via pain is a basic building block of psychological conditioning and learning. Read up on Skinner.

 

[Ouranos]

I would hire my children. It would teach them and help them with responsibility.

 

[Logic]

I'm assuming you've not got kids or looked after one for a long time period.

I don't have kids of my own, but I can confirm based on my borthers kids that you don't need to hit children to raise them. Both of them are girls and have never been physically punished (no timeouts or anything, just calm talking) and I can't say anything bad about them. The older is like the perfect kid, very calm, intelligent and helpful. Impossible to trick that one, will see right through you. The younger is a bit more troublesome, she started having tantrums after she started going to the kindergarten. The older one didn't go to kindergarten at that early age and the difference is easily seen but little bribes will make the younger one just as helpful as the older one. No physical punishment needed. Based on that I'd also say that bad parenting is quite infectious.

I see 2 type of people out there: type I will hit their children because they were hit and type II will not hit their children because they were hit. Not hard to see that most people are type I, making it that much easier for me to homeschool my children(that I might have some day) if possible. One day I would have to explain to them that most people are okay with hitting children and that they should stay away from those type of people but I'll cross that rode once I reach it.

I come from a large family and we were spanked if we did something bad and I can say that it thought me not to do something again or atleast not get caught cause it will be painful but it didn't teach me why it was wrong and that's the way children should be raised. And yeah don't forget that spanking lowers children IQ and if that isn't reason enough then I doubt I will be able to make you change your minds about raising children in a peacful way and not through intimidation and fear. Just like krutoi said "I will hit my chidren cause I was hit" and unfortunately you can't fix stupid.

 

[Ruby]

Ofcourse it is the easiest way but how about not having a child if you aren't willing to do the work that comes with it.

I just don't see how can hitting a child at an age where he is curious about everything in this world be anything other than plain retarded. He is like a learning machine that eats, sleeps and shits, then suddenly a giant appeares and starts hitting him and it blows my mind how so many people think that its okay to do so.

I think that an ideal way to raise a child would be to never use your size to intimidate or punish your child. Also you should never say that something is just because you know best. Explain in a way that the child gets it too else it's just lazy parenting. I don't see that a child, who is raised like this, would go around pushing other kids because he wanted another sort of icecream. Maybe if the parents wouldn't hit their child for talking back to them then the child would have told them upfront that he wanted another sort of icecream and wouldn't have used physical violence on the other kid. The incident wouldn't have happened and everything would have been just fine.

You raise a valid point, sir.

Someone mentioned B.F. Skinner in regards to conditioning. He experimented on rats, although the behavioral psychology may be similar, I don't think physical punishment was the negative reinforcement Skinner referred to.
And where exactly is the line drawn between punishment and abuse, when the criteria for a spank is carried by the executioner of the spanking.
Conversely, I was spanked one or two times as a child and I have to say it does enforce an intrinsic respect for authority and certain norms. My younger sister (about 10 years younger than myself) however, was not spanked once as a child and is one of the most self-righteous and spoiled people I know. Thankfully she's still young and has been improving drastically ever since my parents set their foot down and began carrying out more sever punishments. (still not spanking though)

 

[krutoi]

I don't have kids of my own, but I can confirm based on my borthers kids that you don't need to hit children to raise them. Both of them are girls and have never been physically punished (no timeouts or anything, just calm talking) and I can't say anything bad about them. The older is like the perfect kid, very calm, intelligent and helpful. Impossible to trick that one, will see right through you. The younger is a bit more troublesome, she started having tantrums after she started going to the kindergarten. The older one didn't go to kindergarten at that early age and the difference is easily seen but little bribes will make the younger one just as helpful as the older one. No physical punishment needed. Based on that I'd also say that bad parenting is quite infectious.

I see 2 type of people out there: type I will hit their children because they were hit and type II will not hit their children because they were hit. Not hard to see that most people are type I, making it that much easier for me to homeschool my children(that I might have some day) if possible. One day I would have to explain to them that most people are okay with hitting children and that they should stay away from those type of people but I'll cross that rode once I reach it.

I come from a large family and we were spanked if we did something bad and I can say that it thought me not to do something again or atleast not get caught cause it will be painful but it didn't teach me why it was wrong and that's the way children should be raised. And yeah don't forget that spanking lowers children IQ and if that isn't reason enough then I doubt I will be able to make you change your minds about raising children in a peacful way and not through intimidation and fear. Just like krutoi said "I will hit my chidren cause I was hit" and unfortunately you can't fix stupid.

There's nothing bad when you spank your son if he does constantly not listen to you or just ignore what you say. If you tell him to behave and he ignores it then what would you do? Allright, one time is okay if he ignores you. You tell him twice to stop, he keeps doing that, okay. Third time you tell him to stop, he ignores you. What would you do? Well people are different and if you are like this, I am talking for myself when I say that the right discipline is good, I am not a fan of "fucking up" or some similar stuff. I am just stating a point of view ( which to me, is a good one ) and I see nothing bad when you hit your son ( of course you're not going to hit him with all of your strength ) but just to let him know that he needs to stop/behave. Nothing else than that, and that's why people like you tend to be so "patient" and raise kids in houses where all is allowed. I just know some people like this, and they need to give their childs a good discipline, I don't see anything bad if you slap a child if he keeps doing and doing what he wants when you told him to stop.

 

Just like krutoi said "I will hit my chidren cause I was hit" and unfortunately you can't fix stupid.

Did you even read the first part of his post?

As many of the above said, our parents teach us the right way, if they think we're crossing a line between good and bad they do need to get our attention so we don't do it again. This is the way my father and mother taught me and my brother and now we don't regret it

He implied that it worked for him and his brother so he will do so to his kids. It's not up to you to make that decision for him, neither is calling anyone stupid when you lack experience. Call me when these researchers use a sample size worth noting.

 

Saying it lowers your IQ is absurd and impossible to prove - too many variables.

Not even the "best" parent in the world can remain calm and unstressed and not give their child a tap throughout their whole childhood. Just because that kid got a slap on the head doesn't mean his parents or any other parents retort to violence as soon as their kid steps out of line. Usually when a warning tap or smack is used the child has been acting up and misbehaving all day, which unless you have experience looking after children for long periods of time, is easy to underestimate in how tiring and stressful it actually is.

 

[krutoi]

Did you even read the first part of his post?



He implied that it worked for him and his brother so he will do so to his kids. It's not up to you to make that decision for him, neither is calling anyone stupid when you lack experience. Call me when these researchers use a sample size worth noting.

Doesn't really matter what I say to him. If he was taught like this then there's nothing else I can do or other person can do, it's just irrelevant. If he doesn't want to do that, it's up to him. But you don't need to say that "I can't fix stupid", you're showing your immaturity by calling me stupid just because I will do whatever with my sons to give them the right principles and the right education so they'll live better than I lived. If you think that we ( people who will give a slap to their childs ) are bad you're just out of your mind. We don't kill our childs when we give them a slap, we're educating them and letting them know that they're doing something BAD. We won't rape them, we won't smash their heads, we won't hit them with all of our strength, it's just a lifestyle and it seems like you've been raped or something by the way you talk. Otherwise I can't see what's the problem with this. And I won't do it just because my parents did, it's because I find it right and good to educate them.

Saying it lowers your IQ is absurd and impossible to prove - too many variables.

Not even the "best" parent in the world can remain calm and unstressed and not give their child a tap throughout their whole childhood. Just because that kid got a slap on the head doesn't mean his parents or any other parents retort to violence as soon as their kid steps out of line. Usually when a warning tap or smack is used the child has been acting up and misbehaving all day, which unless you have experience looking after children for long periods of time, is easy to underestimate in how tiring and stressful it actually is.

And this.

 

[Ouranos]

No hitting but I would spank my kids. Not fond of hitting, so yeah. If you ask me just spank them.

 

[Logic]

Did you even read the first part of his post?



He implied that it worked for him and his brother so he will do so to his kids. It's not up to you to make that decision for him, neither is calling anyone stupid when you lack experience. Call me when these researchers use a sample size worth noting.

Here is the link again if you failed to see it: http://www.unh.edu/news/cj_nr/2009/sept/lw25straus.cfm. If you had any statistical education then you would understand that sample size isn't everything. After a certain sample size any new test subject is just waste of money as it doesn't add much.

There's nothing bad when you spank your son if he does constantly not listen to you or just ignore what you say. If you tell him to behave and he ignores it then what would you do? Allright, one time is okay if he ignores you. You tell him twice to stop, he keeps doing that, okay. Third time you tell him to stop, he ignores you. What would you do? Well people are different and if you are like this, I am talking for myself when I say that the right discipline is good, I am not a fan of "fucking up" or some similar stuff. I am just stating a point of view ( which to me, is a good one ) and I see nothing bad when you hit your son ( of course you're not going to hit him with all of your strength ) but just to let him know that he needs to stop/behave. Nothing else than that, and that's why people like you tend to be so "patient" and raise kids in houses where all is allowed. I just know some people like this, and they need to give their childs a good discipline, I don't see anything bad if you slap a child if he keeps doing and doing what he wants when you told him to stop.

If you raise your son with love and give him enough attention then I don't see how can it even be possible that your son doesn't lisen to you. What it does mean is that you have already scrued up with your parenting. With peaceful parenting I don't mean unparenting. It's safe to say that neglecting your child is even worse than spanking. For some reason people tend to think that if you don't hit your child then your child must be a spoiled brat that gets everything he/she wants. That's not the case. When my brother's daughters are at the market and want something then all he/she needs to say is "no" and they won't ask again. They havn't been hit before but they can understand the meaning of the word "no". I think you confused the phrase unparenting with peaceful parenting as those two are different things.

 

Some kids are naturally just highly strung and misbehave no matter the parenting

 

Here is the link again if you failed to see it: http://www.unh.edu/news/cj_nr/2009/sept/lw25straus.cfm



If you raise your son with love and give him enough attention then I don't see how can it even be possible that your son doesn't lisen to you. What it does mean is that you have already scrued up with your parenting. With peaceful parenting I don't mean unparenting. It's safe to say that neglecting your child is even worse than spanking. For some reason people tend to think that if you don't hit your child then your child must be a spoiled brat that gets everything he/she wants. That's not the case. When my brother's daughters are at the market and want something then all he/she needs to say is "no" and they won't ask again. They havn't been hit before but they can understand the meaning of the word "no". I think you confused the phrase unparenting with peaceful parenting as those two are different things.

Did you even read it? Lmao.. Tell me the numbers.

 

[Logic]

Did you even read it? Lmao.. Tell me the numbers.

If you want to proove Murray Straus wrong then go ahead, find a flaw in this paper and tell everyone about it, but I won't hold my breath as it's a Professor of Sociology who specialises in family reasearch vs an internet troll? Go troll on another thread please cause if you have nothing relevant to post then don't post. This isn't the SF.

 

If you want to proove Murray Straus wrong then go ahead, find a flaw in this paper and tell everyone about it, but I won't hold my breath as it's a Professor of Sociology who specialises in family reasearch vs an internet troll? Go troll on another thread please cause if you have nothing relevant to post then don't post. This isn't the SF.

Why are you mad? It's simple mathematics and common sense. His sample size is not large enough for it to be accurate. In case you didn't read Roary's post, it explains why the study is inaccurate. You don't need to be a specialist to figure that out.

 

[Logic]

Why are you mad? It's simple mathematics and common sense. His sample size is not large enough for it to be accurate. In case you didn't read Roary's post, it explains why the study is inaccurate. You don't need to be a specialist to figure that out.

You are telling me a sample size of 700 is too small? I doubt you have ever done any statistics yourself and I seriously doubt you have read more than 1 line on the website that I gave you. Please stop making yourself looks stupid. You are talking to person who has actualy taken courses on mathematics and statistics so trust me when I say that a sample size of 700 is enough.

 

1.9 billion kids in the world...

 

[krutoi]

You are telling me a sample size of 700 is too small? I doubt you have ever done any statistics yourself and I seriously doubt you have read more than 1 line on the website that I gave you. Please stop making yourself looks stupid. You are talking to person who has actualy taken courses on mathematics and statistics so trust me when I say that a sample size of 700 is enough.

I dislike the way you talk to another members of this website. I don't understand why are you throwing accusations and calling people stupid. You're not showing any respect while noone has disrespected you, yet you call us stupid because we don't agree with your "method" or with your "thoughts". I don't know how are your brother's childs and if they behave with a simple "no" neither I really care, but you need to understand that people are different, and even if you hit a child, he won't even remember it when he will have 18 years. And I highly doubt that he will regret that you taught him some manners instead of whining and wanting to kill you for something you did in the past for his best. And with this comment I am done , I have no interests in arguing with you when you show no respect to me and to others who think like me pointing out several facts. It's just a waste of time.

 

[Xier0]

Now let's replace "children" with "wife" and see how everyone loses their heads. Why is it accepted to hit a child?

Children's minds aren't developed as fully as adults. People are animals after all, negative response (pain) discourages whatever action is associated with it.

 

[Logic]

Children's minds aren't developed as fully as adults. People are animals after all, negative response (pain) discourages whatever action is associated with it.

It will also discourage the child from trusting the giant that hits him.

I don't see the need to introduce violence to a developing mind. The goal is to teach the child to feel the pain of others not just the pain you get from touching a hot stove, cause that's something everyone is able to do.

I dislike the way you talk to another members of this website. I don't understand why are you throwing accusations and calling people stupid. You're not showing any respect while noone has disrespected you, yet you call us stupid because we don't agree with your "method" or with your "thoughts". I don't know how are your brother's childs and if they behave with a simple "no" neither I really care, but you need to understand that people are different, and even if you hit a child, he won't even remember it when he will have 18 years. And I highly doubt that he will regret that you taught him some manners instead of whining and wanting to kill you for something you did in the past for his best. And with this comment I am done , I have no interests in arguing with you when you show no respect to me and to others who think like me pointing out several facts. It's just a waste of time.

If a spam forum troll comes and starts talking about mathematics without having any idea on how it's actualy done then yes I will point it out. What I ment with "you can't fix stupid" is that you won't make a person with an IQ of 80 understand the science behind peaceful parenting or any science at all. If you are trying to proove that wanting to kill your parents is normal then try again. Not dealing with childhood traumas will not undo them.

 

[nodnarbusn]

I was spanked a few times as a kid, hard enough to leave a mark but no bruises or anything. Just hard enough for me to never do that shit again

It was effective.