Aspergers Syndrome

I thought I was many things, but never imagined I could be an 'Aspie'.

I thought I had severe depression problems, anger issues, psychopathic tendencies and anti-social tendencies.

I've always been really smart, A+ student. But I hate being around people to a point that I didn't want to go to school, or do anything but lock myself away from any other being. I'm the only "honor roll" student I've ever heard of dropping out of school.

I quit school in hopes of finding work. Something I could do on my own. Like a factory where I would work on just one machine and everyone else could just stay away from me. I never got that job. I searched for work for 4 years before getting my GED.

I talked to a person I found very intelligent over the internet about my many problems. My violent tendencies, depression and anti-socialness. He told me it sounded like I MIGHT be an Aspie. So he linked me to an online Aspie test that he claimed was very accurate and reliable.

This is my testing score:

Your Aspie score: 143 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

So now there is a possibility that there isn't just a shitload of problems with me and only one. If I AM an Aspie, I won't need to try and hide my depression behind fake smiles and doing my best not to be awkward in social interactions. I'll have a real excuse other than "I hate myself" and "I'm more likely to hurt you than help you" bullshit and can just say I have a significant problem.

I've never gone to a doctor for depression. I've been mentally evaluated a few times, but lied on literally 95% of the questions. How exactly do I go to a doctor and tell him that I MIGHT have Aspergers Syndrome and I want to be tested? Is it as easy as just going to a doctor and telling him that? Can they just do some kind of test on my brain with a machine? Or will I have to answer a bunch of questions for him?

The problem is, when it comes to questions about my well-being I have a STRONG tendency to lie without being able to stop myself.

"Have you ever cut yourself?" With the scars on my arm gleaming in the light I automatically blurt out "No" without thinking.
"Have you ever thought about suicide?" The thought crosses my mind more than once per day, but my answer is always "never".
"Are you depressed in anyway?" "Happy as can be!"

Its not something I can just tell the truth about. Somewhere subconsciously I know these reactions are because I think it will make me look weak, but I am unable from stopping myself, even though I know that's the only reason I lie about it.

So what would a trip to the doctor be like when trying to find a diagnosis for my problems? What would a doctor ask? Could they use a machine instead of giving me an oral test? What exactly happens if I AM an Aspie? Do I just go on living the same way but with (what I consider) a worthy excuse? Do I have to seek some kind of help? Will I be offered help? IS there help?

 

Ifyou seriously think you have aspergers synd. then you should get tested by a doctor, psychologist, etc. To stop you from lying to the doctor you should bring someone close to you that knows almost everything about to help answer the questions. You need to overcome that mental block in your mind that is causing you to lie to the doctors. If you indeed have the syndrome there is probably meds that can help with the symptoms, and by the looks of it you need a little help. Severe depression, cutting yourself, and thoughts of suicide aren't things you should try to supprese because in the end it will only get worse. If you are an "aspie" then that means nothing, you will still live as a normal person does. No one will look at you differently. Goodluck dude

 

First, online diagnostics may as well tell you you're made of wood for all anyone cares. Never assume that just because the internet said so, that it's anywhere near reality. If you've read the symptoms and believe you may have it, then of course seek medical advice.

It's natural to automatically deny you're depressed and other things, but you can only get help if you really want it. The first step to that is admitting you have a problem. I can understand your belief system which I've previously read about and can understand why this might cause you problems with admission. But, swallowing your pride is more beneficial than letting something get the better of you, potentially making your life worse & worse.

I'm not sure how they test for Asperger's but I'm sure they'll do their best to accomodate you as bet they can.