Excelonts Absolutely, Terrifyingly Gigantic Testicles

Excelont has such massive testicles (note: they are not cancerous) that the moon checked em out and was like

oh dang

His penis is also proportional to his testicles. It hangs low like an elephant trunk and requires a team of professional bodybuilders to help him pee. His pee is torrential and invokes hurricane-force winds, so he chooses to remain secluded in the Himalayan mountains where he can't possibly kill again with his extreme weather-causing piss storms.

To jerk off he needs to have a naval tanker at the ready to receive the load. Entire discarded metro tunnels are lubricated from top to bottom to help Excelont climax.

His ejaculate is rich and bountiful, chalk-full with the most prime seed. An excavator then goes in post-climax with his handy-dandy spade (right into the urethra), outfitted with his best mining equipment and one of the world strongest head lamps. He harvests the remaining seed from the walls of the urethra with caution and is sure to preserve it with the other seed on the tanker. He must take care and be quick so as to not become trapped once Excelont goes flaccid. Ten thousand men have died while harvesting his seed. It's an honourable and sought-after death.

I must be clear that Excelont's testicles and penis are non-cancerous. He was just born with perfect genetics.

 

What.

 

Can Confirm

 

It's true guys

 

He's also a cantankerous shitbarn and likely vader circa 2009 who is uglier than my underside. How about you quit shilling for money and get some actual aspirations, Pig? You are pond scum.

 

Who are you ?