The story of how Burger King broke my heart forever

As I sat here thinking about what to write about, I decided to make a list of the things I held a deep burning passion for. But since we’ve already got a Doctor Who Critic and spongebob/wincest fiction is frowned upon in most circles, I became rather stumped. But then, from the heavens a shining memory came from a time when I was in college trying hard to stay awake to write a paper I’d waited till the last minute to start. Next to me was a new sandwhich from Burger King called “The Angry Whopper”. The commercials involving an abusive farmer berating and whipping a tiny onion intrigued me and so I decided to give it a shot. With my first bite, I was hooked. It was sweet and savory all at once with a feeling of firey embers that lingered on my breath till the next bite. I was addicted and would buy this burger a lot more often than I should have.

One night, after deciding to hang with my friend (a fellow Angry Enthusiast) I pulled into the BK drive-thru to order my second love. “One Angry Whopper, please” I said cheerily. Suddenly, a ghastly crow of a woman walked out the back door and ran to the drive-thru menu. In a split second she’d opened the drive-thru menu, tore out the angry whopper add, and turned back at me to growl “There are no more angry whoppers”. My heart sank and I felt the pain that only a child who’d lost a loved one in war can feel. “What do you mean?”, I cried out, “How can this be!?”. The king’s minion refused to acknowledge my question, but instead spat in my face and kicked a stray dog on her way back into the king’s court. That night I sat in my car and called my friends and family telling them that I love them very much because I didn’t realize how much I took that burger for granted.

It’s come back every so often but never forever and because of this I would like to request audience with the burger king himself and beg “Why do you toy with your subjects so!? What have we done to deserve such treatment? Either give it to us forever or take it away and let us move on! But don’t let us taste of the sweet burger nectar of the Gods only to lose it again in a month! Be the kind king we all know and love and spare us this torment! In your name, we beg, sire!”

 

Lmao is there a part 2? Return of the angry whopper? Rise of the whoppers?

 

I sent this to the Burger King HQ, so we'll have to see if there is a Pt.2

 

I guess your life wasn't interesting enough to "quit coming back for good". I see you're walking in @Bus369 's footsteps.

 

Hello we have not recieved your email are you able to send it again?

 

Who is this guy?

 

This is so touching, dude, you made me cry.

 

Damn, just when you thought the Whopper was the angry one. Angry Whoppers are the only reason to ever step foot inside of a BK for me.

 

@Lean I thought I broke your heart.

 

Well I did break your back the other night so I guess that is an even trade