DON’T talk to me before I’ve had my coffee. Caffeine is an introvert’s best friend. I have just as much energy as the next guy, but talking requires a ton.
DO say hello. Just don’t say anything else. As much as I may love you, I wasn’t planning on seeing you on the street. If I had something to say to you besides hello, I would’ve scheduled a lunch or something.
DON’T talk to me if I don’t know you. Trust me, if you like awkward, empty conversations with strangers, we have nothing in common.
DO call me. I have some of my best conversations on the phone. I can spend hours on the phone talking about something I wouldn’t have spent one minute on in person. Phone conversations are premeditated, one on one, and in a controlled environment. And they’re easy to end.
DON’T make conversation in a line of any sort. Talking in lines should be illegal. There’s no clearer example of a situation where I set out to do something that did not include having a conversation. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to change my plans for lunch after seeing someone I know in line. I wish it were socially acceptable to wear a huge cardboard box while waiting in line. If you see me, pretend I am.
DO make conversation over a meal. Meals are another high point for introverts. Personally, I think it’s because both parties are seated. Talking is an activity for me, not something that goes on in the background. Eating tends to be automatic enough that I can give the conversation my full attention.
DON’T tell me I don’t go out enough. You don’t stay in enough. My room is my sanctuary. I’d love to spend time with you here. I have no interest in moving to a location with people I don’t know, where I’ll have to stand up, where I’ll have to yell to be heard, where no one has any interest in talking about anything anyone really cares about, and where it’s probably too warm.
DO talk to me about yourself. Whereas it completely drains me to make small talk, big talk is energizing and fun. It doesn’t have to be philosophical or important, just interesting and personal. I could write a whole guide on this one tip. Here’s a short summary: don’t talk to me about the weather, friends in common, the news, our professors, or our homework assignments. Do tell me stories about yourself, tell me what you did today, tell me what annoys you, tell me what you’ve been thinking about. Introverts are great listeners if what we’re listening to has substance. If I’m talking to you, I want to know you and I want you to know me.
DON’T call me “serious.†For some reason, it’s taboo to say anything thoughtful in a group setting. I can’t tell you how many times someone has responded to me with something like “Wow Danny, you’ve really thought that through,†and then chuckled, as if I were some sort of novelty. Of course I’ve thought it through, or I wouldn’t have said it.
DO embrace silence. If there’s nothing worth talking about, everyone’s time is better spent thinking. Most silences aren’t awkward, unless you’re just an awkward person.
DON’T think that I like being alone. I need to be alone after being in a group for a while, to recharge. But I love being around people most of the time, even if we’re not engaging in anything. There’s a great line from Waiting for Godot: “Don’t talk to me. Don’t speak to me. Stay with me.â€
Discuss, etc.
DO say hello. Just don’t say anything else. As much as I may love you, I wasn’t planning on seeing you on the street. If I had something to say to you besides hello, I would’ve scheduled a lunch or something.
DON’T talk to me if I don’t know you. Trust me, if you like awkward, empty conversations with strangers, we have nothing in common.
DO call me. I have some of my best conversations on the phone. I can spend hours on the phone talking about something I wouldn’t have spent one minute on in person. Phone conversations are premeditated, one on one, and in a controlled environment. And they’re easy to end.
DON’T make conversation in a line of any sort. Talking in lines should be illegal. There’s no clearer example of a situation where I set out to do something that did not include having a conversation. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to change my plans for lunch after seeing someone I know in line. I wish it were socially acceptable to wear a huge cardboard box while waiting in line. If you see me, pretend I am.
DO make conversation over a meal. Meals are another high point for introverts. Personally, I think it’s because both parties are seated. Talking is an activity for me, not something that goes on in the background. Eating tends to be automatic enough that I can give the conversation my full attention.
DON’T tell me I don’t go out enough. You don’t stay in enough. My room is my sanctuary. I’d love to spend time with you here. I have no interest in moving to a location with people I don’t know, where I’ll have to stand up, where I’ll have to yell to be heard, where no one has any interest in talking about anything anyone really cares about, and where it’s probably too warm.
DO talk to me about yourself. Whereas it completely drains me to make small talk, big talk is energizing and fun. It doesn’t have to be philosophical or important, just interesting and personal. I could write a whole guide on this one tip. Here’s a short summary: don’t talk to me about the weather, friends in common, the news, our professors, or our homework assignments. Do tell me stories about yourself, tell me what you did today, tell me what annoys you, tell me what you’ve been thinking about. Introverts are great listeners if what we’re listening to has substance. If I’m talking to you, I want to know you and I want you to know me.
DON’T call me “serious.†For some reason, it’s taboo to say anything thoughtful in a group setting. I can’t tell you how many times someone has responded to me with something like “Wow Danny, you’ve really thought that through,†and then chuckled, as if I were some sort of novelty. Of course I’ve thought it through, or I wouldn’t have said it.
DO embrace silence. If there’s nothing worth talking about, everyone’s time is better spent thinking. Most silences aren’t awkward, unless you’re just an awkward person.
DON’T think that I like being alone. I need to be alone after being in a group for a while, to recharge. But I love being around people most of the time, even if we’re not engaging in anything. There’s a great line from Waiting for Godot: “Don’t talk to me. Don’t speak to me. Stay with me.â€
Discuss, etc.
